


Heartstrings and broken promises

by Blepbean



Category: Septiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drinking, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Heartbreak, Heartstring, Heavy Angst, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Memory Loss, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pax - Freeform, Post-High School, Red String of Fate, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-04-03 15:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 47,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13999311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blepbean/pseuds/Blepbean
Summary: Heartstrings: When the red string of fate combines with  the hanahaki disease.Worst than the Black Death or the bird fluWho knew the Heartstrings would connect them after five years they met? Five years after Mark broke Jack's fragile heart, they meet once again in PAX with some heavy consequences that brewed within





	1. Crushes and Curses

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GenuineLoudBoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenuineLoudBoy/gifts).



> So I had this sitting in my laptop for a while, I tried to play with accents and didn't work too well. This is going to be a new series that I'm making, hopefully it turns out decent?  
> Also [this wonderful person](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayDeDude) beta read this, go check her stuff out she has some cool stuff and her writing is amazing.  
> Anyways, here ya go
> 
> Kudos, comments and feedback is appreciated <3

Jack smiled, the wind picking up as his blue eyes travelled to the empty football field.  
He was unusually shaky, butterflies dancing in his stomach as he reached out to grab his water bottle. Watching Mark run laps around the track he shivered at the cold.  
“It’s almost time....” Jack muttered to himself, looking at the lines in his palm.  
Mark said the lines meant something, the way it was curved or how long it was. Jack smiled, remembering when they were freshmen at high school.  
When Jack was _charmed_ with Mark’s smile, the way he laughed was… _intoxicating_ as he hid his blush, he was always giddy around him.  
Every time they touched Jack swear his heart was beating faster than that one time he ran for 40 straight minutes.

His heart fluttered when he caught Mark looking at him, wearing his tank top when he’s running. He gave him a smile as he hid the growing pink in his cheeks.  
His hormones must be going crazy as he swore he was seeing stars coming out of Mark. Okay maybe that was over exaggeration but… Jack was intoxicated by him…  
Mark is way too good for him, and he knows as he buried his feelings deep down. Grabbing his laptop he opened to be greeted with his wallpaper, which is shingeki no kyojin.  
With Eren sitting on a bench, it was simple but Jack liked it.  
As his freezing fingers started typing as he caught up on his long overdue homework. He still couldn’t take his mind off Mark as he misspelled a three letter word.  
Muttering a swear under his breath he let the icy wind burn his throat as he took a deep breath.  
Feeling a sudden weight shift of the cheap bench his heart was beating faster, why was he sitting next to him?  
Putting an outward composure Jack tapped on the keyboard, his stomach was feeling strange when he was around Mark. 

“Hey…” Jack said, trailing off as he furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to calm down his hormones. He didn’t realise he was typing gibberish, feeling the heat in his cheeks he bit his lower lip.  
“You okay there Jack?” Mark asked, and as he was looking at him in the eyes, he felt some sort of connection between them as Mark gave him a grin. His lips tightened to a straight line.  
“’m fine Merk, thanks for askin’,” Jack said, quickly typing a word as he stared into the monitor. He held his breath as Mark scooted over to get closer to him.  
Both of them fell silent, only the quiet sound of Jack quietly typing on his laptop. Mark watched him as his fingers danced on the keyboard.  
“Why did you come here to watch me… train?” Mark asked as he gulped down his second bottle of water.  
“I-I get bored, th’re was nothin’ to do. Besides its after school and I’ve got nothin’ better ta do. Don’t tell me what ta do, mister.” Jack retorted, which made Mark chuckle. Hitting him playfully on the shoulder which made Jack blush. Why was Mark being… unusually friendly and flirty? 

“You weren’t even watching me, why we're on your laptop Jack,” Mark said.  
Jack’s eyes travelled to his chest, only wearing a tank top with a hoodie thrown over him. He shivered from the cold, as he fixed his scarf that was falling off.  
“How are you not freezin’ ’t death?”  
“Stop trying to sidetrack the conversation Jack, answer me,” Mark said in a monotone voice, Jack knew he was trying to be serious, but the corner of his lips was smiling.  
His eyes dilated as he looked at Mark, who was looking at the group walking across the oval. Jack sighed, as he finished typing he bit his lower lip. When did he get so anxious when he’s around Mark?  
He would normally have his emotions under control, Jack scratched the bridge of his nose, as he tried to calm down his beating heart.  
“Merk, leave me alone ’m tryin’ t’ pass school here,” Jack muttered. Jack didn't notice his little quirk with him saying his name. Mark grinned to himself.  
The other boy gently grabbed him by the shoulder, which Jack held still with the sudden contact. His face reddens as his typing speed slowed down, as he tried to calm himself down as he tapped his feet.  
_it's just a stupid crush, nothing more and nothing less_. The words he said to himself as the first time he saw Mark smile at him, now it led to sleepless nights and broken hearts.  
_It’s just a high school crush_. Jack was so stupid to not notice it has grown far more into that, to the point that he found himself staring at him for 40 minutes once.  
The heart wants what it wants. He remembered his Mother saying it to him, and he wished that his feelings would vanish. He didn’t ask for any of this.  
“What are you working on?” Mark asked, why was he so interested in what Jack is working on? Jack takes a deep breath as Mark touches his hand, the action was rather quick. As he leans towards him.  
_Just calm down_

Mark glides his fingers through the keyboard, as he takes a closer look at his monitor. Jack felt a sudden weird feeling in his stomach, as Mark touched his knee. Why is being unusually flirty? Something must have hit him in the head.  
“Affection and Body Language.” Mark read out.  
Jack licked his dry lips.”Just because graduation is near doesn’t me’n yeh get ta slack off, Merk.” Pouted Jack, as he dragged his hands away from his laptop.  
“I do some actual work. Thank you very much Seán.” Mark joked, his use of his real name made grin, it was hardly ever used. It almost felt like their feelings were mutual… He kept smiling through his lie he said to himself.  
Who would want him anyways? The thought lingered as he blinked away the tears fast enough that Mark couldn’t see him crying.  


The few seconds felt heavy and tense, as neither of them spoke. Mark now put a bit of distance between them, did he do something to him? Was is it because of him?  
Jack didn't dare to break the silence.  
”Jack, you need to take a break,” Mark muttered. As he put his hands on top of Jack’s hands, his hands felt warm and soft. Jack stopped mid-sentence as he realised what Mark was doing.  
”Ma-Merk, I need ta do ’his otherwise I’ll fail,” Jack muttered. Surprised he only stuttered at his name. He felt embarrassed as Mark looked at him and a worried look on his face. It was… nice of him to worry about others.  
”But Jack…” Mark said, his face with the puppy face that looked adorable. It only made Jack’s cheek grow with a tinge of pink. Jack knew Mark wasn’t going to let up anytime soon, he smiled at him like a child. Just being around him made him happier.  
_Too bad I can't have him…_  
”I need to finish a paragraph more. You happy?” He said sarcastically.  
Mark smiled, as he sat up. Watching Jack slave away at his laptop in the cold.  
As Jack reread a sentence something struck him, like a chord on the guitar. 

_If a human being is attracted to another human being, they will usually act giddier, more protective around them, they will usually appear happier around the certain person and try to make skin contact as much as they can-_  
Jack stopped himself, as he looked back to Mark who was staring at him in a cute way, with a content smile.  
No, no, no.  
It isn't true, their feelings aren't mutual, Mark isn't ’attracted’ to him. He's just a nerdy high school teenager. No one would be interested in that, no one would be interested in him.  
”’m just overreactin’…” Jack muttered to himself. Hiding his face from Mark the other person caught on. Sucking in a deep breath he looked away from him.  
”Seán, you're acting strange again…” Mark asked. His tone was soft and sweet. He rarely used his real name, only using it if it really meant something.  
_More protective around them..._  
”Buddy, you Okay?” Mark asked, brushing the hair that was in his eyes.  
_And try to make skin contact as much as they can._  
Jack opened his mouth, but the right words didn't come out. What was he supposed to say?  
”’m fine Merk. Stop worryin’ about me.” Jack calmly said, which caught Mark’s attention.  
Gently Mark took the laptop away from him, he didn't even react as Mark placed it on the other side of the bench. His heart slowly returned back to normal, and the butterflies in his stomach flew away. It was just him and Mark.  
”You aren't always calm Jack.” Mark replied, slowly grabbing Jack’s hands as he interlocked it with his. Jack was surprised with the warm feeling in his hands, he finally got a hold of his emotions.  
It was rather quiet, as Jack’s cheeks slowly turned red. His green hair fluttered in the wind. He felt strangely safe and calm, despite the colour on his cheeks.  
“You know… I’ve always loved you…” Mark said as he trailed off.  
The world around him seemed to stop, as he felt his own heart beating. The nearby cars stopped to a halt, the laughs from nearby was muted, leaving only him and Mark.  
Mark gently squeezed his Jack’s hands, it was a sweet and short action as he melted at the touch.  
“Yeh lyin’ Merk…” He muttered, looking away from him. He received a soft chuckle from Mark.  
_This whole thing is a joke, right?_  
“Seán.” Mark said softly, looking as his face.”Look at me.”  
Jack slowly turned to face him, his blush was abundant in his face. Then it all hit him at once.  
He felt Mark’s lip against his, it was rather soft. He can taste the hint of chocolate, the scent of day old coffee. He loved the smell of him, it made him feel comfortable. It was the smell of Mark.  
As Mark pulled away from the kiss Jack looked down on the ground, not facing anyone as he processed on the moment. The world slowly started again and the loud noises behind them grew. 

Mark leaned on Jack, his head resting on his shoulder.  
“Seán, this is going to sound really stupid. But..” He paused, catching Jack’s attention he felt his heart flutter.  
“I promise, to be with you every single day. To hold you tight, to love you every single day.” Mark muttered, Jack could feel Mark’s slow breathing.  
“Cause I love you…” Mark finished, looking up at Jack he swore his heart skipped a beat. He smiled.  
“Yer a big doofus,” Jack muttered. He received a soft laugh from him.  
“I know,” Mark replied. As he kissed him on the forehead.  


~~~~~~~~~~ 

He stared at the murky and black liquid, the ripples bouncing off the walls of the cup. A tiny sliver of sunlight came through the curtains.  
Jack smiled at the memory. It’s been five whole years since it happened. Jack was naive back then, didn’t realise the broken heart he had over the past.  
Reaching the cup the coffee felt warm in his hands, giving him a sense of comfort. Drinking the scolding liquid it burned his dry throat.  
_Too bad you couldn’t keep the promise, Mark…_  



	2. Sadness and obessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hi lol I took a break from writing and helped a ton, there are some song lyrics at the end of this chapter and its [this song](https://youtu.be/HUZglfEpXSk?list=PLi62L_eFGVjGAGllzT49LhSgpXuOB7MMp) and I love this song. Also [this wonderful person](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayDeDude) will be my beta reader for this fic, she's amazing again I love her work just check her out and stuff.  
> Kudos, comments and feedback is appreciated <3 ily u guys You do You

The sunlight weakly shone through the curtains, the dying light hitting Jack’s face. His throat felt dry, as he barely manage to speak.

His eyelids grew heavy with each breath he took. As he buried himself with work just to forget about _him…_  
Jack can still remember his warm hand, the way he smiled made his stomach feel weird.  
_It was all because of him_  
“Who knew I would be still obsessed about yeh, Merk?” Jack muttered, his voice hoarse as he rubbed his adam’s apple.  
“It’s been five years…” Jack said to himself, his hands shaking.  
“Five fucking years.” He repeated, tears forming in his eyes.  
Jack stared into the screen, barely seeing his own reflection. _Weak and pathetic…_  
Cause that’s what he was, to Mark. Just something to toy with his heart, letting it shatter into pieces.  
_I promise, to be with you every single day…_ Shut the hell up  
_Cause I love you…_ Bullshit  
_To hold you tight, to love you every single day…_  
“Shut up… please…” Jack muttered, his voice barely audible. Tears streaming down his face as he let out quiet sobs, his throat aching with pain.  
“W-wh-why y-you?” Jack said in between sobs, as his heart ached with each second.  
It was just a simple young love at high school, yet… his heart still beats for Mark.  
He felt the salt in his tears, as he try to wipe them away from his cheeks.  
Putting on a weak smile he stared at the monitor, seeing his eyes read from crying, his hair a mess.  
“Just know… that my heart still beats for you.” Jack muttered, as he rubbed his eyes and fixed his hair. Biting his lip Jack felt his nails dig into his palms.  
He glanced at the camera, as he sighed. His lips turning into a smile as he put an outward composure. 

~~~~~~~~~ 

The tiny apartment Jack lived in suddenly felt lifeless, cold, quiet. Too quiet.  
As the monitor illuminated the small recording room, as the lights above him flickered.  
His eyelids growing heavier by every second he stared at the monitor. The metal music barely keeping him awake as he edited a video.  
Jack was confident he could make a job out of youtube, he was confident that his personality would draw people in. He was so confident then, as it deteriorated as he watched his views go down. As he put on a fake persona online, it’s burning him alive.

_“Jack… you are going to realise that you are burning alive.” Muttered his Mother, keeping her volume to a minimum. Opening the door to his new apartment. Dust dancing in the ray of sunlight. “I… don’t understand.” Jack replied, his Mother smiled at him. “You’ll find out the meaning soon.” His mother said, winking at him._

He never realised it, he was burning alive. Leaving marks on him.  
His heart was broken so many times.  
He had hurt so many people.  
Trust issues, lonely, exhaustion, pain…  
He is on fire, he never realised it before. As his flames engulfed his entire body, tears didn’t come. Jack just sat there, looking at the screen, as his hands no longer move on his own accord.

The flames licked him, as Jack started to feel numb, empty. Is this what he’s going to be? Not a single tear came through, as Jack stared into the nothingness.  
His vision slowly blurred, as exhaustion took over his body, his eyelids closing.  
Jack drifted off to sleep, as the fan inside the PC and the whooshing of the wind filled the silence.

_Jack smiled, his gaze moving to Mark’s collarbone. His heart was beating out of his chest, seeing Mark’s grin made him flutter on the inside. “Hey, you right?” Mark asked, his attention changed as he looked at Jack’s deep blue eyes. “’M f-fine, wh-what t-the yeh want?” Jack asked, as he stuttered over words, looking at Mark’s eyes. He earned a chuckle from Mark a second later. “Your Irish accent is adorable.” Mark teased, softly touching Jack’s cheek. “M-my a-accent isn't adorable Merk...” He said shyly as he trailed off, still tumbling over words as he looked down on the ground. Jack can feel his cheeks grow hotter as Mark got closer to him. Mark put his hand near Jack’s face, a few inches from him. As his face got closer, wearing that shit-eating grin he wanted off his face. “Well you’re adorable.” Mark muttered, as Jack avoided any eye contact from him. As he wished the earth to swallow him open._

Jack slowly rose his head, the blue light blinding his eyes. Softly yawning broken English his eyes travelled to the bottom of the screen, exhaustion still hanging over him. As Jack tried to made sense of the numbers.  
Suddenly jolting awake as he finished reading the time, he pressed his lips into a thin line.  
“1 am…” Jack muttered, lowering his head as he rested it on his arms. The silent ticking of the clocking soothed him. Thoughts ran wild in his mind, as videos needed to get edited and uploaded.  
“I just want to disappear.” Jack said, muffled by the sleeves. Squinting his eyes he turned his head. Rolling the pen with his pinkie as he tried to clear his mind of _him._

~~~~~~~~ 

Jack smiled, as the scent of coffee got him into a better mood. Leaning back in his chair he drew his attention to the sound of the voice of tiny Tim. It was a character that a youtuber has made up for a special video. Feeling the warmth of the murky liquid in his cup.  
“And I’ll see you dudes, in the next video. Ba-bye!”  
Watching the video slowly fade into darkness Jack felt giddier. Feeling elated and joyful, as he exited out of full screen.  
Markiplier, he has the personality to draw people in. His goofy grin in camera made the grey clouds disappear. The way he laughed was infectious in camera, everything he did was funny, goofy. Like a six year old.  
He was the one that made him, into Jack. Oh and how he would die to meet him, the person who put a spark of hope.

The exhaustion still lingering above him he warm, black liquid. Biting his lower lip he stared at the monitor apprehensively. The man on the screen reminded him of someone. Rubbing his eyes as he tried to rub the lack of sleep off his eyes.  
It reminded him of someone, the way his eyes crinkled in the corner of his eyes. How emotional he was on some video, the way the corner off his lips smiled.  
_It made him remember someone he didn’t need to remember_  
“Not now.” Jack said, there wasn’t a hint of life in his voice. Monotone.  
Biting the inside of his lower lip he set down his cup, taking a deep breath.  
“I’m fine.” He muttered to himself. He was already behind schedule on his videos. As he set walked to the kitchen, feeling the cold floor against his feet.  
His pacing started to slow, each step slower, like it was a mile away. He started to remember Mark’s face, every detail about him. The soft hand holding his, while cupping his chin. The way he stared into his eyes, it was magical. He could remember his heart beating out if his chest, Mark swirling his hair around his finger.  
_It was too painful to remember_

Jack stopped himself as his hand wavered at the kitchen tap, reflecting a distorted image of him. The scratches and rust reflecting on who he really was. Broken…  
As the early morning sun didn’t help his mood time seemed to just stop… Jack was the only one moving. The sweet calls of the birds stopped, the nearby cars outside his apartment was still. He was the only one moving in this hell hole called Earth. As the eerie silence reminding him that he was really… alone. No one knowing his existence.  
Only people knowing his fake persona ‘Jacksepticeye.’ They only cared about Jack, not Seán. Not him, no one cares enough for the real, broken, self. They only cared about the way he smiled in the camera as he hid his pain behind it. All because of Mark Fischbach, all because of that stupid kiss, that stupid crush, that stupid goofy smile that made his heart flutter.  
_Stupid Mark Fischbach_

As the sounds of the water filling the cup was the only thing audible, the freezing water splashing against his rough skin.  
Tears suddenly filled up his eyes, as he took shaky breaths. As he held onto the sink for dear life, each breath he took was shorter and faster. As tears dripped down his cheeks, as he waited for death. And how done he is, he wanted everything to stop, life, people.  
_Just waiting to die…_  
His hands shaking, as he fell to the hard ground, the cup beside him shattering into thousands of pieces. Reflecting the light outside. As he struggled to take shaky breaths.  
_It could be tonight…_  
Jack was so done, as he gripped the metal handle on the cupboards. Holding onto to a single thread to life, Jack was ready to disappear, die right. At. That. Moment. As his vision was blurring.  
Living is hard but being dead is harder…  
Slowly managing to calm himself down he slowly sat up, curling himself into a ball, his knees tucked in with his arms. As the dried tears stuck to his cheeks, biting his lower lip enough to make it bleed. But he didn’t care anymore, as time slowly caught up.  
The sounds of the cars crept in.  
The songs of the bird started again.  
Normal life finally bled in again.  
_Things go wrong but I know I’m smarter…_  
As Jack’s breathing was normal he wiped his tears with his Coffee stained sleeve. Picking himself up he cleaned up the mess on the floor. Making sure not to leave any broken pieces behind.  
Muttering something under his breath as he made his way to the bathroom. Opening the bathroom mirror to grab bandages for his cuts from the shards, the deep crimson cuts stinging his skin.  
Looking at himself at the mirror his nails dug into his palms. Taking a deeper breath than usual he forced two words from his throat.  
“I’m. Fine.” Jack said to the mirror, still lingering for a few moments as he stared at himself at the mirror. Smiling at himself for the first time in two months that wasn’t faked.  
The pang inside his chest wasn’t there anymore, the memory of Mark wasn’t in his mind anymore. At least for an hour.  
As the floorboards creaked beneath his feet as he left the bathroom. The sounds of the quiet apartment was usual to hear. Giving him a sense of comfort.  
I’m fine He said to himself, as he swung the door open. The lack of sunlight made room almost unrecognisable. The usual routine in his day didn’t prepare him enough for the events that would take place that will shatter his broken heart.

~~~~~ 

Mark muttered something under his breath, the bags under his eyes as his throat screamed with pain. His fingers moving slower with each press of the keyboard.  
He didn’t dare to look at the ticking clock on the floor. As his mind slowly drifted away, grinning a little as it gave him a bit of energy.

_“Merk!” Jack yelled, but it was too late. Feeling the soft lips against his, melting at the touch as he intertwined his fingers with Jack’s. Mark first breaking the kiss he looked deep within Jack’s eyes. Smiling as he brushed the hair out of his forehead.  
“You’re… so perfect.” Mark said, his voice sounded smooth, gentle. Making sure Jack was comfortable with everything he did. His actions were slow, mellow. As he brushed his hand across Jack’s cheek. Seeing the tinge of pink growing on his cheeks._

As he finished with his editing as Kathryn and Ethan were busy he sighed.  
Feeling his own cheeks heat up. Mark missed the day where he could… do nothing. Jack… the name sounded like honey to him. His boyfriend at highschool, the person that made him who he was in just two weeks. Mark could remember Jack’s blue eyes, the way he blushed, the way he… existed in his life. Any action Mark made Jack reacted in a cute, adorable way.  
“It was just a high school relationship…” Mark muttered, as closed the door behind him, the light from the monitor still on. The footsteps echoed in the empty and still house, getting lost in his past.  
Mark… was glad for Jack to exist in his life, to meet him.  
_Too bad his heart doesn’t beat for him anymore…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... kind of know where this is going, ask me some questions if you need to down below


	3. Flowers for algernon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hi im back, also changed the title, youll figure y i changed it. I have a lot planned for this fic, really looking forward for it. if anyone gets the reference for this chapter title, ill give u a hug and some cookies.  
> Comments, kudos and feedback is appreciated <3  
> no go on and read and stuff,

He only remember certain features about Jack, blue piercing eyes. The tinge of pink he would have when Mark flirts with him, his light green making him… adorable. That was all he pictured in his mind, his face blank. Has he forgotten about _him?_  
His mind clouding with exhaustion, his mind too tired to think about the past. Each step thudded in the dark, the carpet tickling his bare feet.  
His heart fluttering, the thought of him made his heart beat. He only remembers certain things about Jack, why did it send butterflies to his stomach?  
Questions he didn’t dare to answer hung in his mind, as his eyelids slowly closed.  
Throwing himself to his bed, not bothering to change his clothes, his mind brimming with thoughts.  
Mark felt something tugging his heart, feelings of string cutting into his heart. He winced as it dug into his heart, but it just _stung_. Didn’t kill him. Feeling it within his beating heart, as it slowed down.  
The red string tugging at his heart, faint in the darkness of his bare room. But he felt something beat at the other end of the string, as it made its way to the living room.  
Thinking it was hallucinations, lazily rubbing his eyes with a beat of a heart It disappeared, like it was never there. His eyes playing tricks on him.  
“I guess I don't get enough sleep.” Mark muttered, as exhaustion lulled his thoughts away and slumbered himself to sleep. His heart slowly beating at the rate of his breathing.

~~~ 

“Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies!” Jack yelled, as his dry throat stung with every word he said. Sighing as he rubbed his adam’s apple, staring at the monitor. The bags under his eyes grew.  
Jack wasn’t ready to make another video, wishing to do anything rather than to get in front of his camera and be ‘Jacksepticeye.’ His fake self, the identity farthest away from him.  
Something he put on as a mask to attract people, only wishing to see his mask and not his broken self.  
“Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies!” He tried again, only adding more volume but no enthusiasm. As he gritted his teeth in annoyance. Why can’t he get it right? Why can’t he get anything right?  
He hasn’t uploaded in days, weeks. As his viewer count slowly dropped, as his eyes looked at the camera.  


_Take slow breaths Jack_

Rubbing his eyes the 100th time today, as he looked at the camera again.  
“TOP OF THE MORNIN’ TO YA LADDIES!”  
Finally more volume, he got it right. As the bags under his eyes was visible to the camera, but Jack didn’t care. He just wanted to upload something, to make sure that ‘Jacksepticeye’ was alive but his real self is dying slowly in his insane and twisted mind, his heart slowly bleeding out with the thought of someone.  
“Wow ‘m sorry, ‘m getting a little too loud lately.” He muttered, throwing a fake laugh at the end, it’s been hard to fake laugh recently. As he opened his mouth his thoughts came flooding with thoughts with _him…_ His mouth open, waiting to spill with fake words. He action lingered.

_Did he love me?_

“Okay that was really weird, had a weird brainfart just then.” He said, distracting the camera with the weird second of silence.  
“Sorry, I’ve been gone and stuff. But your jackaboy-”

_Don’t think about him_

“Is back! Yer Irish potato is back!”

_Don’t spend another second thinking about your stupid high school relationship five years ago_

Jack smiled, his blue eyes pierced the camera, as it hid unhushed tears behind those sapphire eyes. As he logged into the game that he found on steam called ‘Heart string.’ A short indie game which he found while messing around his computer at 3 am. Featuring a young boy in school, as he finds his way around as he fit in.  
And the game reminded of himself. As he was the social outcast, the weird one.

_The gay one… the different one…_

He felt his heart jump to his throat, as he tried to suppress memories within. Reliving memories inside his mind, his heart slowly cracked.  
“So I found this game when I was just searching in teh good ol’ internet.” Jack said, squeezing fake enthusiasm into every word that left his mouth.  
“And it had really good reviews, ‘m going to this completely blind. Only looked at teh reviews, only know the basics and the overall plot. That’s all I know.”  
The game booted up loaded up to a small room, a young child with his feet covering his face, tucking his legs in with his arms. And a red string, connected to his heart. Jack could hear hearts beating, soft, gentle. At the same pace, as the red string led outside the screen, with the boy only being drawn white and everything in the room black. It was rather symbolic, as the red string was formed a tiny ball. Still the rest of the red string was out of the screen. Sudden memories flooded in, as he bit the inside of his cheek, afraid to let anything slip out of his stitched lips.

~~~ 

_“Hey, Jack.” Mark muttered, as he rested his head on his shoulder. Taking in the scent of Jack, stale coffee. But it wasn’t just stale coffee, it was on him, his body. As he breathed it in like oxygen, as he twirled the fading green hair in his fingers. Jack didn’t reply as his ears grew a tinge of pink, only when Mark spoke._  
_“Do you think we are bound by the red string of fate?” Mark muttered, his voice muted as he spoke through Jack’s woolly jacket. He felt warm against him._ _It was those old, love stories, bound together by a single red string._  
_“Hmm?” Jack asked, even though he has heard of this story. But he wanted it to come out of Mark’s lips. His voice sounds like honey to his ears._  
“Well, it’s like we’re bound together by a single thread of red string, bound together by fate.” _Mark took a step back, cupping Jack’s chin, staring at his eyes, slowly getting lost. Jack’s stomach started to feel weird, as he stared back at Mark’s chocolate eyes._  
_“The-“_

____

~~~ 

“String might tangle or stretch, but it may never _break_ …” Jack trailed off, as he realised he just repeated the exact words Mark said to him, he almost felt their hearts slowly beating in pace. He could almost feel his cheeks heat up like it did back then.  
_Almost_  
Suddenly realising the camera was still on he muttered, licking his dry lips. More editing for him to do. The corner of his eye caught his attention, a tiny petal on his desk, how did it get there?. With tiny blots of blood, it reminded him… of something.  
_A disease_

~~~ 

Jack eyes grew heavier with each second of recording, his fake enthusiasm was dwindling. As he quickly did his outro, each one he did slowly lost its energy. Fatigue was always wearing him down from restless nights and unshed tears thinking about _him_. Some nights he felt sick thinking about him, even vomiting as he tasted the copper aftertaste. Randomly finding tiny flower petals on the sink after he vomited, with some coated with blood. He knows it’s painful to remember, to hold onto that tiny red string of fate.

_But at least he felt something._

Quickly hopping of the computer, he touched his neck with his rough hands. Wincing as his teeth touched the cut on his lips he always bit on. Which was always. All he wanted to do was fall asleep, listening to the sound of the midnight city. Listening to the sounds of girls screaming, drunken laughter and people having fun. As he walked to his bedroom, his steps echoing in the silent apartment.  
_Fun…_ it was something he hasn’t had in a while, as he caved himself with blankets in his bed. The bed sheets smelling like old coffee from months of not being washed. Jack dug his head underneath his pillow, as he heard a loud laughter. It sounded like _him…_ He felt like a lovesick teen, falling in love for the first time. Except it was the love that kills, the one that poisons his heart, the one that kills him from the inside, one leading to sleepless nights and thinking about _him_. As his eyes filled with unhushed tears, each filling with dirty tears.  
Why did everything remind Jack of _him?_ His chocolate eyes, his warm smile that made his heart melt. Everything about him is so perfect, when he said the words _I love you, with all my heart_. The words clouded him with the ugly truth. It hurt, every time _his_ name crossed Jack’s mind he felt someone stab him in his heart. As Jack felt something in his stomach, suddenly feeling the urge to throw up his stomach quickly flipped upside down, hastily rushing to the bathroom his mouth tasted like copper. His mind dizzy as he threw up on the toilet, hands over the toilet seat, sitting uncomfortably on the floor, his legs feeling like jelly. He stood up, gripping the edge of the toilet sink. His vision clouded, as he wiped his mouth with his arm. Expecting to find something he ate over a day ago, except it wasn’t.

A petal of a rose, torn apart and wet. Droopy as Jack stared at it.  
The flickering light above him didn’t help with the situation, as he dropped the sink, his arms feeling weak. Jack’s eyes widened, bringing sudden memories to his mind.  
_No…_  
“No!” He managed to yell, his throat hoarse. His heart rate began to pick up, hammering against his ribs. His hands shaking, his lips quivered. His reflection on the broken, foggy mirror stared at him.  
“NO!”  
All in one motion he pushed everything onto the floor. Making a loud thud as the couple of things Jack didn’t know existed in his apartment hit the floor, cluttering over the tiled floor. Dirty tears dripped down his cheeks, as he held his hands over his faces. Refusing to look at himself. His breathing erratic and fast, he was barely breathing. As took off his hands from his face, staring as the broken petals and flowers covered the floor.  
“No…” Jack’s voice faltered, too exhausted to speak. His breathing began to calm down, running both of his hands through his dry hair. His arm now pressed up against his face. Suddenly walking around in circles, his vision clearing up. The bright light blinding his sight.  
“I-I th-th-thought I-I was f-fine. It-it’s been ye-years si-since th-this ha-hap-happened.” He quickly spoke,he could barely understand himself. His voice shaking, scared, frightened. Afraid to even call what _it_ is. His heart slowly returned to its usual heartbeat, but Jack still felt the aftermath. In his veins and in his bones. Jack didn’t realise he was muttering _his_ name. Mark, the guy he hopelessly fell in love with.  
Sniffling he stared at himself, touching his cheek with his hands as a tiny tears splashed on the floor, covered with flowers and petals.  
“I thought I was going to be fine…”  
His reflection stared back at him, like it had a sad, horrified look. Suddenly putting his hands over his mouth, he felt flowers block his airway. His hands was barely still, barely breathing, feeling his heart about to explode.  
_I didn’t ask for this…_ As he gave in he gripped the toilet seat, multi coloured flowers and petals. From bright dandelion, tiny daisies, to broken red roses. Each flower was broken, torn apart. Tainted with blood, droopy petals. Everything he touched was ruined. Catching his breath as he wiped his mouth, ragged breathing. As he closed his eyes, resting his head as his forehead touched the toilet seat. Not caring anymore.

“I said I was going to be fine.” Jack muttered, looking at his puffy eyes from crying too much at three am. Tears pricked his eyes, exhaustion taking over him. As his chest quickly rose and fell, Jack could still feel his heart beating, as he touched his neck he could feel the beating of his core on his neck. Jack was too tired, too sad, too overwhelmed. His mind was too full, he wanted to wash away all his thoughts, stare at the night sky and forget about everything. Instead he muttered a swear, as a he let a single tear out of his timid eyes.  
_Why did it have to come back…_ The once pretty flowers made him sick inside, one morning after staring at Mark from faraway, admiring his grin that melted his heart. He has a sudden urge to vomit that day, as he vomited flowers in the bathroom toilets. Then he realised that day, that his love for _him_ was dangerous. Letting out a quiet sob, his legs feeling numb, his head pounding with pain. He stared at his own hands, shaking.

~~~ 

Mark suddenly jolted up, feeling his heart pounding from his chest. In the darkness his breaths as short and shallow. Holding his hand against his heart he could feel it, dangerous heartbeats. As he adjusted his sight to the darkness, there he saw it again. The red string dug in his heart, passing through certain walls. Sweat forming in his forehead, he let out a shaky breath. Sitting in the dark, trying to calm himself in the middle of the night.  
What was happening? Out on the blue his heart rate reached dangerous levels, as the red string attached to his heart led to god knows where. Breathing in and out, as he stared out into the night sky. Filled with artificial stars and lights, the sound of the sleepless city. Cars honking, the voices of people. The corner of his mouth tugging a smile.  
“How weird life can be.” Mark muttered to himself, not aware from the other side of the world. Where someone is vomiting flowers for him…  
_Someone who he has loved before_

Heartstrings -  
A phenomenon that happens once every 100 years when two soulmates get attached by the red string of fate. One of the soulmates (the String) can see the red string of fate.Their heartbeat is tied to their soulmate’s and it changes to match that of the other. The String soulmate is not required to love the other, but can learn to quickly discover their love once they meet. The other soulmate (the Flower) develops Hanahaki disease for the String soulmate, and everything reminds the Flower of the String even if they have never met. The Flower’s emotions change and they cannot feel anything, except when they are thinking about the String. If the Flower decides to take surgery for Hanahaki disease, this is the only instance that the red string of fate can actually break. This can be fixed if in the next 48 hours if three conditions are met: the soulmates meet, their hearts are in sync, and the String confesses their feelings for the Flower. It can also work to find their soulmate, the red string of fate tangles between them, this breaks the curse of the Hanahaki disease until the next reincarnation. This signifies that they can never be apart, this cycle happens over and over again. Each reincarnation the heartstring effects has a larger effect. The designated soulmates are fated to fall over and over again as with each reincarnation their bodies take, getting the heartstrings again. 

_It is both a blessing and a curse._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The concept is something that i think would work well in this fic, it's still rather new and something i just made up. Ask any questions or leave any feedback about the whole heartstring concept  
> welp imma go and take a break, cry about how kakeru has such supportive friends. he needs a hug.


	4. So small and so quiet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imma just put this right here, and leave. *flees*  
> Comments, kudos and feedback is appreciated

His chest slowly rising and falling, his hands rested on his stomach. As he looked at the ceiling, as Jack slowly got lost in his own insane mind. The memories revolving around _him_ , how he made songs for him to make his cheeks red. To swoon him over, his voice soft and gentle, a lullaby to his ears. He would often smile at the end of each song he made for Jack, as it clouded the ugly truth. His lips quivering with the first word that left his throat, relishing the memories about him. The song that broke he sung just for him…

_Heartstrings and broken promises_

His mind travelling back to the memory, cold and winter morning. Mark at Jack’s messy bedroom with random posters lazily glued to the walls. The early sunlight streaming through the curtains, as Jack sat in his messy bed.

_I waited for your love, as flower petals clogged my poisoned throat_

Mark’s loose red jacket fit on him well, as his feet dangled off the bed. The black shorts showing some off his skin, as he held the cheap guitar on his hands

_Heartstrings and broken promises_

He could remember his tundra hands gripping the blankets he threw on himself, still on his pajamas being a green shirt and pants, with the shirt saying ‘caffeine deprived.’ He can still feel the gaze that made his heart melt, at that lazy winter morning. Jack waited for Mark to speak.

_As your beating heart slowly paced at my own core_

“I have a song for you…” Mark muttered, he could remember his ears lighting up and staring off to the distance, Jack chuckled at _him_. Realising at that very moment, how intoxicated he was with everything Mark did.

_You slowly left a broken path of lies and sadness, flowers killing me_

“Tha-that’s adorable!” Jack piped, feeling a smile tugging at his lips. Seeing Mark’s cheeks heat up brang his lips smiling, his own cheeks heating up as he looked at Mark’s eyes. Getting lost in the moment, swimming in his chocolate eyes. As his eyes met his, inching closer. Jack could feel Mark’s warm breath, slowly closing his eyes.

_Heartstrings and broken promises_

Slowly enjoying the moment, Jack pressed their lips together. Warm, gentle. Making his inside flutter, his stomach feeling weird. It was slow, scared to break it off. The comfort of his touch made him feel… safe. Feeling Mark’s hands glide over his arms, making his hair stand up.

_Was it just one of your pretty lies?_

“I love… you.” Mark muttered, as they pull from the kiss. Jack rested his head on his shoulder, his body warm. Jack’s heart fluttered, his heartbeat picking up.

_Heartstrings and broken promises_

“Weren’t you going to sing your pretty song?” Jack said, his voice muffled my Mark’s thick red Jacket. Mark pressed a kiss on his cheek, a smile tugging at his lips.  
“Not now.” _He_ said. Staring out the window, where a bird sat on it’s nest.

_I loved you…_

After relentless nagging at Mark, he finally got him to sing the song he made just for him. His voice sweet and gentle like honey, as it was under starry night. Not realising how cliché the night was, Jack was smiling at him, Mark’s ear’s were lighting up. He was getting lost in the moment. Only a few hours later all the serenading and sweet songs blinded him with the ugly truth, as his heart broke open. Making a trail of broken rose petals and broken trust, mixed with dirty tears dripping down his cheek.

He didn’t dare to go any further, as the sound of the ceiling fan whirled. As he pointed his hands to the ceiling, Jack trying to grip onto anything. False hope, poisonous love. Anything to forget about _him_. The moonlight didn’t make it through the curtain, plunging the room in darkness. Only seeing the outline of the ceiling fan. His eyes didn’t shed any dirty tears, as thoughts and memories about _him_ filled his mind, as he lay awake. Exhausted yet too tired to fall asleep, his mind too awake to remind Jack of his past.

_Sorry…_

Why was it Mark? Why did that goofy smile make his heart flutter while making his heart crumble down? Was it because of him? All this time was it him? Or was it the demon poisoning his very core? No more tears were held in his glossy eyes, biting his lower lip. Jack was so stupid back then, letting himself get lost and care free. His heart open for heartbreaks and broken sobs at three am. But he didn’t care, not realising the ink, the poison tainting his flower heart. His petals and love was real, while other played with him and inked his petals. It was too late to realise that he was always getting hurt, leaving behind a crumble of petals and dirty tears. Not letting anyone hear his heart slowly break open, spilling fears and nightmares he had his very core.

Pressing his lips to a thin line, the last word escaped his mouth. He remembered it being more emotional, gentle, a sad lullaby. Was it because _he_ sung it? The very man who taught him how to live and love one last time, before killing him inside? Thoughts ran inside his buzzing mind, but he was quiet outside. Words suffocated his throat as he smiled through it, self deprecating thoughts stabbed him in the lungs. It always hurt to breathe or talk, to put on a smile in front of the camera. It was moments like these alone which either tore him apart or held him together, with the stillness, silence and loneliness comforting him while diving deep into his memories. Sometimes it hurts and kills him, other times he laid awake at three am wondering if he’s worthed. It was a routine he was used to. Until his phone vibrated, quickly returning to real life. Fluttering his eyes, as exhaustion wore him down. Buzzing again he lazily reached out for his phone. Quickly unlocking his phone his eyes widened, his stomach filled with butterflies.

His eyes wondering, Markiplier posting a photo on twitter. His goofy smile was visible, red Jacket and all. Making his heart beat faster. It was him the whole time… Mark, Mark Fischbach. Mark was on twitter. Feeling his cheeks heat up, but what made him sick was it was Markiplier. Stronger memories flooded back in his insane mind, reminding him of Mark. He was like a drug, making his heart flutter while killing him slowly inside. It was him the whole time, as he muttered words under his breath. It was him the whole time, and it hurt seeing the man laugh, the same person who broke his fragile heart.

_See you everyone in PAX!_

Something inside him ignited a flame, a spark. Something he hasn’t felt in five years, he felt a smile tugging at his lips. As he felt something sting his throat, ignoring the searing pain. Suddenly feeling energetic, he typed the three short words that might break him.

_Going to PAX!_

He felt his flower petals clog his airway, his lungs searing with pain. As he couldn’t move, throwing up tiny flower petals and roses as it scattered among his bed. Painted with his blood, the copper aftertaste hung in his mouth. His head suddenly feeling dizzy, as the blood seeped into his blankets. His untamed hair messy, his hands shaking. He was fine a few moments ago, his emotions changes completely when he thinks about…  
_Him…_  
It was all because of Mark, it led him into this very moment. Like a double edged sword, sweet like honey as it stings his very core thinking about _him_. He stared at the torn flower petals, not bothering to move a muscle. As he stared awake at the havoc thinking about _him_. Jack knows he isn’t good for him, even thinking about him kills him. But it was tempting, remembering the moments with Mark. Sleepless nights, tiny kisses, red cheeks and the swooning of Mark’s voice.

Exhaustion wore him down, the silent noises of three am. The dim moonlight made strokes across his messy bed, reflecting him. Broken and a mess. Distant rumbling of cars comforted his deadly silence, thoughts kept spilling the void inside his core. He would meet… Mark, after five years of constant regret and pain. After sleepless nights, thinking about his pass. Even though it was just a high school relationship, nothing new. But it felt something more, with the fast three months it taught him so much, how to love again for the last time. He could still remember the warm body of Mark pressed against his, his hands, his lips.

Wondering if he’s even good enough at three am was unhealthy, but it was tempting to lay in the darkness, still and quiet. As he dug deep inside his deeper thoughts, maybe he would hurt himself with the silent memories that lied within, maybe he would just disappear. But tonight… was different. There was… hope, seeing Mark one last time. Although his channel was barely existent, he would still be able to meet people. And see the man that taught him how to smile for the last time, the thought made him sick inside.

Did Mark remember his piercing blue eyes?  
DId Mark still remember his face, at midnight as they stared into the abyss of space?  
Did Mark go on without him?  
As for five years he held his hands, keeping the breaking, beating heart within his heart. As he swallowed it back in one go as it slowly tore him apart. Not opening for anyone, feelings and emotions numb except for Mark. Did Mark remember his words, ‘I love you?’  
Jack was so done feeling so small and so quiet, maybe he was just a little bit tired. Fall into a deep sleep for centuries. Was the words Mark told him all lies?  
Just to use him? An object, as his flowers bloomed for Mark. While he simply moved on, with a cold stone heart with no emotion. What did Mark see when he stared into his eyes, threatening to spill the void of the ocean?  
Did he see colours swirling, or black clouds behind his eyes or colours and patterns intertwined like a sunrise?  
Thoughts run circles inside his head, as he rubbed his temple. Hoping to stay awake for at least another hour, as he lay awake in his bed. Laying back on his back, as his soft breathing slowly tamed his erratic thoughts. The flower petals would be horrible time to clean, but it didn’t cross his mind. As Jack remembered the warmth radiating from Mark’s hand, he felt a smile tugging at his lips.  
“Despite everything, it’s still you.” Jack muttered, hoping for Mark to hear his voice. To hold him tight and never let go, whispering pretty words into his ear. To feel his warmth for one last time. He couldn’t remember a single day of this year, too scared to feel as he slowly felt numb to the world. Clutching his breaking heart in his hands. Slowly breathing he slumbered himself to sleep, the thoughts of Mark sleep beside him made the demons inside him flee for once.

_It all started with that smile, that damned smile…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have mixed feelings about this one :P


	5. Eyes as blue as the ocean and cold as my dead, fragile heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *looks at date* ok guys im so sorry its been a few days ( a lot to me) i was finishing other fics (please read them im desperate give a bitch some hits on 'the poison people call love' jk) anyways, here ya go. I just got back and just edited this, slurped some stale cappuccino bc im b o u j e e anyways read peeps   
> Kudos, comments and feedback is appreciated <3

Slowly fluttering his eyes open he woke up to his heart slowly beating, he felt a ghostly touch of someone gently touching his chest, he rolled over to his side to find nothing, his heartbeat slowly rising. The red string still appearing, attaching to his chest as it stung him for a second. Wincing as he gritted his teeth, his heart beating faster inside his ribs. As the string made its way to the living room.

Mark sighed, looking at the ceiling, sunlight streaming through the window. Blinding Mark as he squinted his eyes, the sunlight making patterns on his bed. Mesmerizing him for a second, and feeling something tug at the other end of the string. Sitting up he took a moment, feeling the red string on top of his shirt.

Rubbing his eyes Mark felt a sudden pang in his chest, as he touched the shimmering red string, passing through his touch.

_Is this a dream?_

Feeling as though he lost something in his past life, he sluggishly stood up. The cold air passing through his thin jacket he threw on himself. Another pang in his chest, as sudden tears spilled out his eyes. Icy tears dripped down cheeks, feeling weird against his flushed cheeks.

_Why was he crying?_

Gently touching his cheek his hands felt cold against his skin, wiping his tears away the pang in his chest kept getting bigger. Desperate for answers he rushed to his bathroom mirror, chocolate eyes staring back at him through the dirty, foggy mirror. Feeling as though someone else was staring at him. Looking inside him, every thought and regrets inside his mind. The tears didn’t stop, as he quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand. Mark didn’t feel anything, as the tears kept falling, the bloody flower petals inside the sink slowly grew he didn’t knew were there.. His breathing erratic, this wasn’t possible. Panic slowly grew inside him.  
“Jack…” He muttered, like someone forced it out of his lungs. Who was he?

_It was all a dream_

Mark sat up, forcing air out of his lungs. His heart was beating faster inside his chest, feeling it at his throat. Cold sweat dripped down his forehead. His hands was shaking, what was happening to him?

Wanting to calm his beating heart, the cold morning seeped through the thin walls. Weak sunlight shone through the window, his head throbbing with pain. Burying his face onto his hands he could feel the sweat in his forehead. It was driving him insane, who was Jack? It reminded him of someone, the past he held so close to him. But the memory was too faint to remember.

Standing up the cold air sent chills down his spine, instantly regretting getting out of the comfort of his own blanket. He made his way to his bathroom, quickly splashing water onto his face, cooling his flustered face. Eyes fluttering he stared at his own reflection, eyes fluttering as he hoped it shook off the sleepiness of him. This has been the weirdest start to the morning.

With Mark dealing with the echoes of his past that was too distant, hallucinations and that weird dream that took place. He needed a breather, as he touches his cheek. Hands cold against his skin, as he took the time to get thoughts through his mind. Why can’t Mark remember?   
Nails digging into his palm he swore in frustration, something was calling him in his past. Mark couldn’t recall it, the green hair was slowly fading out of his mind. Blue eyes that reflected the ocean over the sunset, the smile he always had. And his scent of caffeine… It was all slipping away from his fingertips, as he bit on his lower lip. Feeling a sudden pang in his chest he desperately hang onto one memory that he treasured. The blue eyes…

_And it left him, draining his memories he kept within his beating heart_

All the sweet memories he had fully left him, the boy he onced loved. Sharing kisses and secrets disappeared, Mark was left with his blue eyes. Feeling something dig into his chest, slowly stopping his beating heart. The eyes that reflected the sunrise....  
Placing his hand over the area he winced, his chest aching with pain with no reason. Feeling his heart calm down, he sighed. Muttering a word underneath his breath he was rather confused, the one memory was the only thing he was left with. The ghostly touch of Jack was now gone, as Mark thought he forgotten something again. Maybe it was his phone?

A tear rolled down his cheek, meaning nothing to him but held memories from his past he didn’t know. Was he zoning out again? Mark wiped the tear away, confused. Quickly realising the eerie silence, still in the bathroom as he quietly stared at himself. It held no meaning to him, as the strands of his hair stood out, quickly fixing them as he tried to get along his morning despite the moment. Satisfied he walked out, the morning light greeting him. As he felt as though a piece of his fragile heart broke apart and left him behind, rotting away with his lost memories. HIs phone vibrated in his pocket, as he felt it with his left hand. Taking it out as Mark walked to the kitchen. The footsteps quietly echoed through the apartment, hearing his slow breathing through his nose.

_Amu: Don’t forget PAX! I don’t want you to repeat what happened...._

Mark scoffed, as he turned on the stove. The smell of burned egg hitting his face as he lazily poured cold oil in, he felt a smile tug at his lips. The tiny messages from Amy every single day made him wake up, as he cracked another egg above the pan. The sound of oil popping reached his ears.

_Markimoo: I know <3 ily_

Typing the words in his phone the screen felt cold against his thumbs, as he realised he said _ily_ to someone else already, the memory gone from his mind. Jack turning into a random stranger in his mind. Finishing his breakfast he walked to bathroom again. His eyes caught the attention of a red string inside the sink, a few inches long. Tattered strands stood in the air. Muttering something to himself about recording he finished his morning routine, properly washing his face and brushing his teeth. Mark quickened his pace as he walked to his recording room. The sunlight getting brighter, as he looked outside the window. Sounds of cars driving past, distant sound of unknown voices of strangers. The cold air kept seeping inside the apartment. Something felt… off…  
Taking tiny bites of his undercooked egg, the static noise of the news on TV. Mark’s glossy eyes staring back, as chips of him slowly fell away. Still exhausted the blue eyes kept haunting him, as he gritted his teeth. What did it mean?

Feeling as if it’s from another life, the only memory was _his_ eyes. Loud mind kept his mouth shut, as thoughts kept piling in. It’s not like he could just google his problem and get a straightforward answer. Eyelids getting heavier Mark rubbed his eyes, the dark circles around his eye slowly getting bigger, he can still feel the damp spot on his cheek from the tears that rolled down his cheeks. Shaking his head he sighed, rubbing his temples. Confused he pushed the thought aside, as Mark stood up, the chair legs grazing against the wooden floorboards filled the silence. Putting the plate in the sink he walked to the recording room, the icy blue eyes still on his mind.

Scratching the back of his head Mark watched his monitor light up, blue light illuminated the dark room, he really needed to let the light through the curtains. The desk had random scraps of paper on it, sighing he pushed it all on the ground, as his computer slowly powered up as he waited. Jack… Jack… it reminded him of someone. Perhaps it was an old friend? Or someone else, his head throbbed his pain. Looking on the floor he let his mind wander, despite his splitting headache, quietly counting the scraps of paper littered underneath his desk.

_Jack…_

A sudden noise came out of his computer, putting him out of his train of thought. More aware of his headache he bit his lip, looking up to see his usual background of him and Amy. It was a snowy day, threw on cheap coats and the snow started to in fall in night. Mark can still remember that moment, the winter biting through their clothes, the joy and laughter and the smile that was still plastered on her face. It was memorable, them looking at the camera and posing as snowflakes slowly fell from the sky. But it felt like it was from another life, the memory seemed so distant was only a couple of weeks. Smiling _Jack_ left his mind, as he noticed the skype beeping noise blaring out of his computer, the headache on his head slowly growing as he rubbed his again temples. Taking a deep breath he reached over to the mouse and accepted the call.

“Hey.” Mark muttered a greeting, his throat hoarse and dehydrated.  
“MARK!” Ethan yelled into the mic, blasting through Mark’s headphones.  
“What do you want?” He muttered.  
“Do a collab with me, now.” Ethan demanded, which made Mark chuckle.  
“I-” Mark stuttered, his cloudy mind getting him nowhere. Glad Ethan couldn’t see his face he stretched his arms forwards, almost touching the monitor.  
“You don’t have to-”  
“I’ll do it.” Mark groaned, as the words left his mouth. It was getting harder for him to speak, his hoarse throat and growing headache wasn’t helping.  
“Mark… I was just joking.” Ethan quietly muttered, Mark clearly wasn’t buying it.  
“I’m fine, what video? Let’s play or-”  
“Mark I swear to God I’m going to call Amy if you record any videos or collab with me. You sound like shit.”  
He quickly grew self-conscious that moment, as he realised his voice sounded like shit. He shook his head, he’s fine.  
“Ethan.” Mark forcing a laugh out of his lungs.” You’re the one that’s asking me, I’ve got nothing to-”  
“Mark…”

“I said I’m fine!”

All hell broke loose, as the anger on his voice was obvious. Mark muttered a swear under his breath, too quiet for his mic to pick up. He looked to his sides, hoping to clear his cloudy mind. The drawn back curtains gave life to his otherwise messy recording room. Dust danced in the light. It reminded him of someone, as he felt his someone take his breath away. The blue eyes kept coming back, reminding him of everything…

What felt like an entire year was only a few seconds, he shook off the thought of the eyes. Drawing his eyes back to the monitor he quickly fixed himself.  
“I’m sorry…” Mark trailed off, worry in his voice. Ethan sighed, hearing the traffic outside Ethan’s apartment get louder.  
“It’s fine, really. Just… get some rest, please. It was my fault for asking.” Ethan said, his voice on a softer tone. Mark could practically picture Ethan’s grin, as he had it on every time he softened his voice.   
“Wait.” But it was too late, Ethan already hung up on the call. Mark dug his face to his hands, burying his face as he rubbed his eyes. Regretting everything he said. Standing up he felt the cold floor against his bare feet, maybe Ethan was right.

Not bothering to shut off his computer Mark thought of the picture on his desktop, sluggishly walking to his bedroom he wished the ground would open and swallow him open, hopefully crushing him to death. Letting his emotions loose at a moment wasn't ideal. Feeling a sigh of relief he felt his headache scream pain, rubbing his temple, the door was already wide open. Not bothering to close the door behind him the cold was starting to get to him, shivering he collapsed onto his bed, feeling the familiar soft blanket at his fingertips. Staring at the ceiling his mind loud, despite the headache that’s splitting his head wide open. Placing his hand over his beating heart, feeling his very core slowly beat. Almost as if it was imitating something. Putting him at ease he hummed against his throat, the comfort of his blanket made his eyelids grow heavier.

“I swallowed the bubblegum… Jack.” Mark muttered to himself, a saying of someone. As the words left his mouth it left a weird feeling inside his chest. Unaware of the name he muttered to his heart, tangled with the heartstrings. He repeated the name to himself. Jack… Jack….

_Why did it remind him of someone?_

Questions left behind he groaned, rolling to his side. Exhaustion creeping up on his skin. Eyelids fluttering, the name held something to him. What did it mean? Not knowing he buried someone’s heart six deep feet Mark closed his eyes, the door still open and the window open, lighting up his musty room. Feeling his chest slowly rise and fall, unknown to the man that made his heart flutter. Questions and thoughts laid to rest about the blue eyes that reminded him of someone. Despite his headache exhaustion slowly lulled Mark to sleep, the final memory of Jack slowly left his mind. Leaving his heart bleeding and weeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mark is a sad, confuzzled boi. i wanna hug him and bring memories of jack back to him ;w;


	6. Drowning in the undertow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H E W W O I A M B A C K   
> soz btw lol, mood swings and all that jazz. But I am back, you boi, your human being is back with another chapter. [also this song](https://youtu.be/isRaafOdGbE?list=PLi62L_eFGVjGXwU7JiVRW71E4W2HehkSl) fits what the tone of the fic is, so b l e p. Makes reading the chapter more in the mood i guess? But i digress, you dont have to. Just a suggestion :P  
> Comments, feedback and kudos are appreciated <3

_“I love you… Jack.” Mark muttered, his cheeks red. Hazel eyes locked on to the cold ocean of his eyes. The words left his beating heart._  
_“Why did you leave me to rot then?”_

Fluttering his eyes open, he was greeted with an eerie silence. Groaning Mark looked up at the ceiling, the light bulb flickering its yellow glow. His splitting headache died down, as he sat up. The dust still dancing in the dying light, the sun behind a few buildings, slowly painting a swirl of reds and yellows. The cold air seemed to have died down, as Mark scratched the back of his head.

Who was he?

The name was in the tip of his tongue, the dream he had left many questions hanging in his mind.  
“Jame? Jake? Jack?” Mark muttered, confused.  
The ocean eyes were gone from him, he left him. His mind cloudy Mark left his bed, bare feet meeting with the cold, hard wooden floorboards. Silent footsteps filled the lonely silence, still groggy from passing out. Time has seemed to go over his head, as the repetitive ticking of the clock on the wall filled his ears.

“Who are you?” Mark said to himself, his voice dry. Licking his dry lips he grabbed a random glass, when it suddenly slipped from his hands. Shattering all over the wooden floor, smashing as it hit the hard ground, reflecting the dying light outside. Mark’s eyes locked onto thousands of tiny mirrors, seeing his reflection on each and everyone one of them. Letting out a sigh, relieved his hands didn’t bleed.

His actions rather sluggish Mark didn’t bother to clean up the mess, grabbing another cloudy glass of water. Hearing the water slush around as he turned on the tap, bubbles rising to the surface. His throat parched, he licked his dry lips. Feeling the relief of water down his throat, sighing as he wiped his lips. Glossy eyes looking at the floor, as he set down the glass with a clink. His mind so full yet so empty at the same time, muttering something to himself he ignored the shattered glass on the floor.

Closing the door behind him with a thud, the musty smell of coffee and chips hung in the recording room. The strewn paper and chips under his desk from earlier, his computer still illuminating a blue light across the dark room. He caught his attention to his desktop, the photo of him and Amy in the snow. Sitting in his chair he slowly spun around, his feet off the floor. As he looked around the dark and empty room for no reason, the light outside died, the dust died, everything died.

The cold air slowly seeping back in, Mark couldn’t tell if his eyes were closed or not. As he hummed against his throat, calm slowly settling in. Breathing in and out of his poisoned lungs, as he slowly spun around in his cheap chair despite feeling shit. His mind foggy, as he slowly drowned in his silent undertow. Pretty flowers drowned in the blood he wasted for Mark.

_I can feel it, in the undertow. Slowly sinking…_

His hair a mess, his whole body a mess. Slow breaths escaped his tired soul, feeling his heart beating at the sound of silence. Mark slowly sinking into his chair, staring at the picture on his desktop.  
“Do I really love you?” He muttered to his heart, reaching his hands to the ceiling for no reason. Wanting anything to pull him out of his mind.

_I think we’re better off alone…_

And this is what led him to this moment, sitting in a dark room, the stars slowly dying outside his window. Alone with his thoughts as he drowned in his undertow, filled with bloody flower petals, broken promises and hearts tangled up in heartstrings, deeper than the deepest part of the ocean. Living in this lonely moment in the void, Mark spun faster on his chair. Wishing it would fly him away.  
“Do I really love you? Amy?” Mark said, without knowing it would tangle his heart even more. Biting his lower lip, Mark spun faster in his chair. Feeling his stomach churn, not caring in the world anymore. His heart dead in his ribs, feeling like he’s dead already.

“Who are you?” Mark muttered.

Mark collapsed onto the floor, the chair hitting the floor with a thud, filling the room with dark echoes. Feeling his body against the cold, wooden floor. Feeling sick but not enough to kill him dead, his knees bruised. Laying in the dark like nothing ever happened, as he shivered on the ground.

“And why did you leave me… confused?”

Suddenly feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket, ignoring it as he laid still. Confused, dead in the dark. Can the darkness consume him? His phone vibrated again.

_41 Messages from: Amu_

_Amu: Mark? Answer me_

_Amu: Where are you?_

Something snapped inside him, as he opened his eyes, not even knowing it was even closed. Sitting up he slowly breathed, craving a smoke or something to drink. Something to clear his mind, even though it would kill him. His eyes adjusted to the darkness, confused what went through him.

_Amu: Mark… answer me. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you._

Hot tears dripped down his cheeks, without any meaning. Wincing as he felt something twist inside his chest, into his heart. Groaning as he spat out what looked like blood, barely illuminated by the blue light. Sharply breathing Mark clutched his chest, feeling though his heart was being ripped apart. Biting his lower lip he pulled himself up, feeling the wall as he limped. The pain somehow felt familiar, feeling as though a needle was twisting inside his heart. His vision swimming, heart at his throat.

_Amu: Can we talk?_

Gasping for air he felt the light switch, quickly flipping it open as his throat somehow burned. The pain suddenly stopped, as Mark coughed blood onto the floor. His breathing begins to slow down, feeling his heart flutter inside his ribs.

His dreams were right.

The needle dug into his chest, wincing as the familiar pain happened again. The red string dragged onto the bloody floor, ducking under his door. It looked rather clean, no stain. As it reflected one of the lights above him, casting a shimmering light on the string. Taking a deep breath he sat down on the ground, leaning against the cold wall. Seeing the aftermath of the mess, red flowers seemed to have blossomed on the floor. Staining the ground, as he calmed down his confused, cold heart.

_Amu: I know that it’s shitty for me to type this instead of talking to you in person… but I’ve cheated on you._

Looking at the ceiling as Mark caught a breather, reminding that he almost died, on the spot. The cold didn’t help his loud mind, as questions hung around his head. Gritting his teeth he waited for a second, his hands casting on the needle that pierced his heart. Breathing sharply he gripped it, pulling away from him as he groaned. It was no use, it still stayed there, the glossy red string dangling in the air.

_Amu has deleted a message_

The whole scenario felt like a dream, a fairy tale. What a Mother would tell to little children to stop them from falling in love with the wrong person. What a wicked witch from the neck of the woods would cast a curse on a child. Mark laughed at himself, trying to distract himself. A thought of a needle that pierced his beating heart that has a red string was rather scary to think about. His heart still in his throat, he felt dried tears on his cheek.

_Amu: Mark… just please talk to me. I’ll meet you in monday._

Ignoring his phone vibrating in his pocket he rubbed his eyes, wishing it would all go away, for all of this to be a dream. Proving it was too much for today, his mind clouded, confused and tired. Feeling his heartbeat against the cold needle, his hands clutching his chest.

~~~~~

“Mark isn’t going to answer.” Ethan muttered, putting a hand on Amy’s shoulder. Anticipating an answer, but she knew better. Not wanting to give up she gripped her phone harder, tapping her feet.  
“I-I know I just-” Amy groaned, she looked up at the night sky. No stars were visible in the city sky, replaced by artificial ones, illuminating shop signs and billboards.  
“Give the poor man a break Amy. I’ll promise he’ll be fine.”  
“He isn’t like this-”  
“Amy you are going to give yourself a heart attack if you keep worrying. Please, have fun tonight. You’ll see him on Monday.” Ethan replied, the loud noise of the traffic was getting to her. She glanced over the messages, scrolling with her thumb. Amy couldn’t help feel a pang inside her chest, slowly growing. Thoughts and questions could be answered with a single message, but would he answer?  
“Fine.” She forced the word out of her throat, turning it off and quickly putting it deep inside her pocket. Feeling the cool breeze of the city pass by, but it didn’t doing anything to forget her text and regrets.The feeling of sinking slowly enveloped her.

_Does he really love me?_

Waking up to a splitting headache she groaned, the familiar sheets of her bed giving her some kind of comfort. Her cloudy mind and swimming vision didn’t help either, feeling her stomach rumble. Looking around Amy watched the sunlight flow through the thin curtains, making it somehow glow. What happened last night? She quickly sat up, her back sore. Memory somehow wiped from her mind, the hungover slowly started to sink in. The sound of her phone ringing caught her attention, lazily taking it with her other hand while she scratched the back of her head.

_Unknown: Last night was great, call me back xoxo_ Reality hit her hard, hugging herself, suddenly feeling disgusted. Slowly bits and pieces slowly fit together like a puzzle, the recollection of last night sinking in. Facing down her blanket she saw the unusual area of the other side of the bed. Glossy eyes reflected her phone, still in denial of that text.

_The blaring music blasted through the room, colours seeping into the club’s wall. Dancing lights blinded her eyes, as her mind wandered on._ _Feeling her heart thump with the rhythm of the beat, feeling her own self-getting loose and lost. Mark out of her picture, the alcohol in her system forgetting about him._ _Turning around as she danced for her life, she met a man from out of her dreams._  
_“Care to dance my lady?” He muttered, her words filled with honey, unaware of what lies within. He sounded just like Mark, no, he is better than Mark._  
_“Sure.” She quickly piped, her eyes locked onto his emerald eyes, drawing her in, like the calls of the siren. Feeling something inside her chest, a funny feeling. Happiness?_  
_Something that covered up the mess._

_And it led to this moment._ Feeling like she was used, Amy didn’t even dare what the man did to her, covering herself in blankets while her headache split her in half. It was all her fault, losing herself in those emerald eyes. Forgetting about the man that cared for her, did Mark even think about her?  
Doubts were the only thing present, staring at her own hands. Wondering how it got so bad, if she only talked to him…

Her stomach churning, she groaned, holding her stomach as the sound of loneliness settled in. Tears pricked her foolish eyes that led to this moment, messy hair against her oily skin. Biting her lips, caring that it would bleed. Swearing her stupidity for this moment, with her and Mark. Barely even talking, only fragile texts that held no meaning. Were they better off? Sighing she rubbed her tears, laughing at herself. Dry lips begged for any words that came out of her throat, but none came.

“I’m such an idiot.” Muttering under her shallow breaths, chest quickly rising and falling. Feeling something in the overflow, in her own bones, pulling her into the answer. Still, she ignored it, even though her own soul told her not to. Amy smiled, ignorance is bliss. Wanting all the answers to reveal to her, not trusting her own self. Taking a deep breath she felt the fuzzy carpet beneath her feet. Humming something to herself she hesitantly started the day. Emotions slowly getting the better of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor amy and mark, and jack. Mark is just a sad confused boi looking for answers, amy is just lost with their relationship and jack is just a flowery, sad, love sick boi for mark. I just wanted to take this moment for all your wonderful comments, gets me motivated <3 anyways b l e p


	7. Pretty roses and flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh henlo~ just wanted to pop in and say hi. Welp b l e p  
> Comments, kudos and feedback is appreciated <3

The flowers killed him again

Jack felt his swollen throat burn, as he looked at the murky liquid in the toilet, broken cherry blossom petals and bloody daisies, and a new flower. A rose, wilting slowly in the dark bathroom. The weak light shone through the foggy window, making an eerie glow. Feeling tears pricking his eyes, stomach churning. Head throbbing with pain, as the muted sounds of the traffic outside filled his ears.

Trying to calm down his beating dead heart, breathing unevenly as his poisoned lungs failed him. The light in the bathroom barely worked, flickering in the cold silence, casting a shifting weak shadow on the walls, the silhouette of a hand holding a bloody rose was clearly seen.

Wondering how he’s still breathing in with his weak lungs, feeling his chest quickly rise and fall. Not letting out a word out of his silent lips, shivering in the bathroom early in the cold morning, fingernails digging deep into his palms, glossy eyes spilling dirty tears. Wishing he could rid all of his feelings for Mark, the man that broke him.

Biting his lower lip as he held out a sob, his tears washing over him like a tidal wave, the taste of copper was the only thing he tasted. Jack thought he was fine, rid of the disease that killed so many people, yet here he was, leaning against the toilet, lying dead. Insides burning, his spirit slowly left him.

_Like he was already dead_

The bright colours from his eyes, gone. The sounds from the busy city, muted. All he heard was the quiet sobs that escaped his mouth, the eerie sounds of his tears hitting the tiled floor, echoing throughout the apartment. The only feeling left with was _him_ , remembering the way he smiled, and made his heart flutter all by just looking at Jack. Each breath he took made his chest ache with pain, coughing out bloody petals as he drew sharp breaths. Jack’s mind tired, dirty tears mixing with flowers. The bloody rose grew heavy in his hand, his raw throat burning.

Looking at the ceiling as tears dripped down his cheeks, sharply breathing as the nothingness settled in, wishing for all of his emotions to be rid, the one that kept haunting him.

The sharp thorns of the rose cut his rough hands, stinging him, but Jack didn’t care. Wondering how it went all wrong real fast, the cold wall against his green shirt, pants that he wore for days, all while PAX was beginning in a few days. Sluggishly bringing his hands to his face he wiped the tears from his face, the deep feeling inside washing him over. Jack did this to himself.

The strong smell of wilting flowers hung in the air, the rose fell to the ground. Wishing something would take him away from this planet, wiping all his memories away into dust. Sharp breaths turned into quiet whispers that meant nothing to Jack, tears blinding his eyes. Slowly giving up on himself Jack felt the floor beneath him vibrate, was it one of downstairs dwellers that had a fight? Black and white was all he saw, eyes locked onto the dying rose. Touching his neck he barely made out a word, wondering how he survived that moment.

_Jack could have died_

As the world continued around him, no one knowing he was barely alive in the cold. Tears slowly drowned his cold heart, full of locked up emotions he didn’t know he had. Fatigue wearing him down, arms slumped. Too tired to sleep, too tired to eat, too tired to even be alive. The dripping faucet filled the lonely silence, tears held behind his glossy eyes. This is dangerous to be feeling like this, and Jack knows. _His_ name echoed inside his numb mind, bringing unwanted memories to him.

Cold air danced around him, as his mind killed him. The amount of work he had yet he didn’t care, nothing cared. Staring into the abyss Jack was on autopilot, dwelling on his past. Letting the abyss consume him, the tears from his bloodstreams dried, he couldn’t feel anything besides _him_. Wondering what kind of life he was living, how well he was doing all without him. Jack couldn’t feel his beating core anymore, as he slowly loses himself. 

~~~

_It all happened too quickly for Jack, naive and unprepared for heartbreaks. The musty smell of garbage and alcohol loosely hung in the air, the hot wind breezing through the midnight hours_ _It was a bad idea to follow Mark. Weird writing bled in the walls, as in the alleyways he felt his heart slowly shatter, tears slowly floating his emotions away._ _The lump in his throat grew heavier, standing still in the alleyway, the humid night made his shirt stick to his skin._ _Biting his lips Jack let them take his emotions away, losing his touch and emotions, and also his trust._ _Watching them moan at the end of the alleyway, not noticing Jack’s breaking heart._

~~~

Mark was a wolf in a sheep’s clothing, coming in to take away everything that led to this. _But he was too good_ , the way he talked about space and how deadly the vast universe is and all to the way he looked at Jack. It was all too good. Jack fell too quickly, still hanging onto the after effects. 

Jack snapped, as he momentarily closed his eyes, the darkness calming him, slowly breathing in. Tears slowly drying, wiping his lips with his sleeve. He opened his eyes, the light outside the window appeared brighter. Jack forced himself upwards, something still dragging him down. Each move was heavier, wanting to spend the rest of the day on the cold floor, slowly breaking and losing himself. His recording room wasn't far away, only a few steps to the left. 

Sighing as he stood up, grabbing the unspoken rose from the ground, flushing the bloodied flowers down the drain. Jack took a second, before tossing the rose into the mix, watching it swirl down with the rest of the flowers. A cold trail left him, biting his cheek as he felt tired for no reason. Jack had to record, stuff to do. Yet… he was crying over a broken lost a years ago. Love stings. 

The cold, wooden floorboards groaned beneath his feet, his throat still feeling like hell. Still feeling like shit, he made his way inside. A day old coffee was still on his desk, scrunched up paper littering the floor around his desk. A lump in his throat grew, he had to move on and do something. Touching his neck Jack slowly made his way to his desk, the familiar feeling of his fake enthusiasm in front of the camera. Blinds fluttering in the air, a slimmer of sunlight reached the floor. 

Softly gliding his fingers over the desk, the dust building up in his fingers. All he wanted was to save people with his stupid videos, yet he can’t even save himself. He can’t leave, as Jack sat himself down on his seat. He was just so naive when he started, and look at him now, a mess. His computer turning on, hands hesitant to touch the keyboard. Cold fingers adjusting his hair, bags under his eyes. 

_He had to move on_

Jack bit his lip, throat burning. Not a single word came out of his raw throat, mouth wide open, waiting for a single word to come out. But none came, a gentle breeze flew inside his room, making a pen roll onto the floor. Jack looked at the monitor, the photo of him and Mark was still the wallpaper. His hand gripped his mouse, as he kept trying to make out a word. It hurts to breathe, something slowly coming down to crash down on him.  
“T-top…” Jack stopped, as coughing out bloodied rose petals onto his desk. His chest aching, lungs barely breathing, throat still bloody from the petals. The stillness was in the air as he tried to breathe. 

_It would be best if he would move on…_

The silence stirs in the air, the ringing in his ears beginning to get louder. His heart beating out of his chest, faster each second. A pang slowly growing inside his chest, an abyss. And a tidal wave of feeling everything, both of these crashing down on him. Facing down he used both of his hands to grip his hair, the boy who felt everything and nothing. Nothing and everything fitting like a jigsaw puzzle, all set to kill him in the end… 

His breathing uneven, his heart was slowly breaking, his mouth only tasting copper. He was going insane. Gripping his hair harder Jack tried to speak a word, but it was useless. Tears pricked his eyes, falling down as it splashed onto his pants. Feeling as though something tore a hole in his chest, Jack really was trying. 

_That smile… that damn smile._

Feeling something inside his chest, it was getting harder to breathe. As he was trembling, having a coughing fit again, bloodied flowers blooming out of his mouth, falling to his lap. Sudden voices slowly made its way into his mind, adding to the chaos. He wanted to scream and shout, the heartstrings making a mess of him. 

Yet he sat there, shaking like a leaf as he crumbled down into a mess. As he looked up, releasing the grip from his hair, looking at himself in the reflection of his monitor. Bags under his eyes, bloodshot eyes filled with tears, wet cheek from the tears falling down his cheek, bloody lip. And if he could see close enough, he can see his heart tangled with heartstrings. He opened his mouth, trying to make out a word, but it was useless. 

The uncanny silence in the air clouded the room, he could hear his own raggy breathing, heart at his throat. As he let out a shaky breath, knowing he was just overreacting. He held his knees tightly, trying to get a hold of himself. Calming down his beating chest. He quickly tore the glance off his reflection, wiping across his mouth with his sleeve. Biting his lip, Jack sat still. The man trying to get a hold of himself. 

__~~~_ _

__His messy bed was familiar to him, clutching his phone with his other hand so hard his knuckles turned white. He barely got a hold of himself, Jack's heart was still at his throat, but it was good enough. His swollen throat was still healing, but it wasn’t burning anymore._ _

__He sighed, opening his eyes. His bedroom was bare, besides from random piles of clothes, desk neglected at the far corner of his room. It was still his hideaway room. The white walls taunted him, the tiny bumps in the ceiling staring back. His bright eyes were dying, losing all its life. It was easier to stay in bed with the weight of the world at your shoulders._ _

__Mark’s phone number was still in his contacts, waiting to be called after so many years. He sunk back to the comfort of his bed, the temptation slowly drawing him in. His hand holding his phone hung low beside his bed, ghostly touching the cold floor, other hand over his beating chest. Thankful the copper taste of the bloody flowers was rid from his mouth._ _

__The casing of his phone felt cool against his hand, the radiating heat from his phone felt like it was from a fire. It was only a few clicks away from hearing Mark’s voice, how he missed it so much, and how he hated to hear it again. Biting the inside of his cheek he rolled over to his side, the bright screen illuminating his face. Only moments away now._ _

__Cursing himself he gave in, regrets slowly settling in as he closed his eyes. Would he even recognise him still? Covering himself in blankets fear slowly settled in, the ringing was getting on his nerves_ _

__

__

_Hello?_

The voice sounded foreign, yet familiar. Mark’s voice sounded husky and tired, as he tried to settle himself. Years since he heard his voice, now he couldn’t even hear the smile in his voice. He fluttered his eyes open, feeling tears pricking his the corner of his eyes. His thumb hovering over the end button. Memories came flooding back, forcing it deep down. Did Mark even care for him? 

_Jack-_

__He was rather quick to say his name, fear on his voice, as it rushed to Jack’s ears. He didn’t hesitate to end the call, the white screen was a welcoming sight. Memories of them came flooding back in, as he held the phone over his heart, silence pulsating throughout the room. He regretted even hearing his voice, let alone calling him. Blinking away the sudden tears he sighed, the warm heat of his phone was comforting him._ _

__Mark calling his name echoed inside his head, stabbing him in his dead heart, he wanted to dwell on his past, but he didn’t want the flowers killing him again. Dull blue eyes caught on Mark’s phone number, why did he even have him in his contacts. He quickly deleted the number, a pang on his chest slowly grew again._ _

__Lying in his own sea of lies, phone near his chest. Another day without an uploaded video. Jack pushed down his emotions and thoughts deep down with his tears, hugging himself for comfort. He wondered when will he get a hold of himself, as PAX dangled in front of him, only a few days left._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^)


	8. The boy he forgot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, its me your fam. I was too busy petting the cat, but here we are. cat is still with me, nvm it left the room.   
> Comments, feedbacks and kudos is appreciated <3

Mark was unsure how to react to the phone call

Something didn’t feel right, the way there was silence, the way his body said the name _Jack_. Everything felt… off. Mark sighed, biting his fingers as he was submerged in weird emotions. Who was he?

He felt a pang grow in his chest, the weird sensation in his gut. Something was pulling him closer to the seemingly random phone number. Mark put down his phone, feeling suddenly strange as he placed it on his desk. The dying moonlight wavered behind the thick clouds, passing through the windows as it shone weakly in his room. His breathing grew heavier with each second.

His eyes grew tired, as he stared into the bright monitor, illuminating his face with a weak light. Questions hung in front of him, ignoring it as he tried to edit a video himself. Mark rubbed his tired eyes, bags slowly growing. _Jack_ sounded like someone he knew before, but who? And why did his instincts tell him to say his name?

Remembering his number without Mark noticing it he groaned, as he sunk into his chair, staring at the dark ceiling. Slowly growing frustrated each time, he noticed his heartbeat was unusually fast. Feeling a sudden pull inside his heart, the cool metal still lodged inside his heart. Mark couldn’t just google his symptoms, could he? He closed his eyes momentarily, feeling the red string glide along his arms.

And then, something suddenly clicked. Like a key clicking open a lock. And he didn’t want it to click. His eyes darting back and forth as he desperately looked for an answer, scrolling faster each second. He was unaware of the tears dripping down his cheeks, the hole inside his heart growing with each second. Mark was unaware of everything he did to _Jack._

Feeling his beating heart drown with secrets, he took a second, blinking away the tears as memories hid behind his eyelids. Wiping away his tears he sighed, why was he crying? The air in the room was still, the presence of dawn in the air. The air in his lungs felt heavier, seconds past.

And then, the words hit him like a train.

Mark could remember the time when his mother told him about the heartstrings, the gentle moonlight hitting his bed, casting weak shadows all over the walls. The cold air seeping into his bed. Her voice as sweet as honey, coating the ugly truth of what he held deep inside. Her smile covering the sadness of the disease.

She told a story of a boy, his heart tied with the heartstrings. The boy bloomed pretty flowers from his mouth, and his heart controlled by the strings. He could see the strings practically burrowed into his heart, as it passed through nooks and crannies. The end of the string, however, landed on the other side of the planet.

Now, now it made him bite his lip until it bled, making messy tears damp on his cheeks. His breaths shaky, as he was such a fool, watching his relationships and life crumble around him. The silence of the night comforted him, as the meaning of the heartstrings stared him in his hazel eyes.

_Heartstrings: A combination of the red string of fate and hanahaki disease._ _A fairy tale disease, worse than the black plague and bird flu combined. It kills you. Slowly. Bit by bit._

Suddenly feeling hollow he let the strings run through his hands, twisting it as silent tears hit the red strings. It glowed a faint red in the darkness as the tears hit it, making his hands suddenly feel warmer. But it didn’t answer everything.

_Who was Jack?_

The cool metal glinted in the red light, as he wiped his tears. Emotions drowning his dead heart, the monster he never knew was tangling his very core, as it told lies to him. Covering up the true person that made him, him. He tore his attention away from the monitor, the bright light cast shadows on the walls.

_Jack_ must have been… something to Mark. He must have carved his name deep into his heart. Why didn’t he just… love him when he had the chance? Confusion blinded his eyes, he hated knowing everything, and after a second, knowing nothing. The pit of hell called life twisted his mind, all he wanted was to live.

_Ocean eyes, blue as the diamonds and cold as the freezing waters_

Was it his eyes? Or his hair? Or his personality? Or the way he smiled? The way he smelled or the way he made Mark’s heart dance? He didn’t have the answer, no one did, except the person from a few oceans away. Mark could feel something rise inside him, was it anger? Or sadness with guilt? He was too tired and fucked up to answer the question.

_His light, bright green hair. Enough to light the darkest corners of the universe._

Out of all the people on this Earth, it was Jack. A nobody that connected the heartstrings that tangled with him, someone, the one person that his foggy mind can’t remember. He gritted his teeth, hard. As he stared at the bracelet that sat on his desk, made of red strings, it’s origins unknown.

_The scent of three-day coffees that clung into his jackets, intertwining with stale chocolate when he kissed Jack behind the school._

“Who the fuck are you?” He managed to say, too loud in the dead air. The words only left him with weird emotions bubbling up, ready to implode. Mark was supposed to have all the answers on the world, yet he can’t even answer the name of the boy he forgot. He sunk into his seat, leaning backwards.

~~

“Seán William McLoughlin. I love you, with all my heart. I-I would rob all the stars in the fucking sky if I have to love you, I-I will stay with you and cherish you with every, single, fucking day. And I know that you will probably forget me in the future but just know that I love you.”

The pretty truth spilled from his smile, as Mark held Jack close to him, faces only inches apart. The smell of coffee and chocolate never got old to him, it only made him cherish him even more. He could see the blush that grew in Jack’s face, as he cupped his chin, thumb caressing his lips.

Mark got lost in those ocean eyes, bright sapphires stared into his milky hazel eyes. Jack smiled to himself, staring at the ground. The hot summer wind blew past, making his green hair a mess.

“I don’t think I’ll be getting over you any time soon...” Jack muttered, the blush on his cheek visible.

~~

“Who the fuck are you!” Mark shouted, his throat trembled. As he reached over and grabbed the nearest cup, throwing it with all his might, flying through the air as it hit the wall, smashing into tiny pieces. The unsettling sound echoes through the dead room, his hand feeling empty, his breath shaky. He suddenly realised what he did, anger and confusion slowly settling back. A lonely tear hit the floor, the silent sound of a splash made its way into his ears.

Trembling, shaky breaths left his mouth, as he curled himself into a ball. As more emotions held at bay, only making his heart drown into his heart. He could feel the knife twist into his heart, made off heartstrings and broken promises, as he bled out dirty tears from his tired eyes. His emotions coming like a tidal wave, the pang inside his chest slowly ate him.

The lump in his throat slowly grew, tears blinding his eyes, creating tiny patterns in the air. His heart sunk deeper, as the knife pulled out. He could hear Jack’s voice, gentle yet brittle like he could break at any time. Licking his bloody lips with the taste of copper hung in his mouth, the salty taste of his tears was unsettling.

He would do anything to hear the forgotten boy’s voice again, what they had burned in the ashed, along with his promises. Exhaustion grew him more confused, hungry for answers. Who are you?

_His three am texts, how it made Mark smile in his bed. The bright light blinding his hazel eyes._

If it was just the air that he was breathing in, he would do anything to remember the boy he lost, the boy he forgot. The grip on his heart grew tighter, the cool metal pressing against his tired heart stung.

His mind grew restless, the silence ringing in his ears. The tears were no more, it was just utter silence, blocking the emotions he had. As he felt the world upon his shoulders slowly sink in, yet he stayed the same outside.

_His… Jack, yet he betrayed him._

Something inside him click, something inside his clockworks shifted. He lazily took his phone, as he reached out. Everything in his body felt heavier, it was getting harder to move. Jack was only a phone call away, would he still pick up after everything he’d done. He took a deep breath, what if he undid all the things he did?

His thumb was shaking, lip bleeding. He forced himself to call Jack, feeling something break inside him, shattering like a glass. As the final number brought the quiet ringing that emitted from his phone, echoing throughout his dark room. The silence between each ring brought him pain, crushing his whole body down into the abyss of hell. The silence was putting a knife near his throat, could Jack really call him back?

Can the call undo his pretty lies, the messy kiss that broke Jack? Can he undo the glossy eyes that brought tears to his pretty little cheeks? Can he undo the kiss that he gave to Sarah? Can he undo pretty moon at the starry night? Can he undo…

_Can he undo… everything?_

He felt the heartstrings choke his heart, making it beat faster with each second. The booming sound of his heart in his ears and the silent ringing killed him. Silent tears fell down his cheeks, teary eyes looked at his own reflection on his phone. Mark’s body shuddered with each breath he drew.

After a moment time itself came at a stop, the silent ringing was gone, he was just in the dark room, the stillness in the air brought him company. Jack didn’t pick up.

_Hey, it’s me. Jack, Seán William McLoughlin. It’s me, in this… voicemail message thingo._

The words bursted the silence in the room, tears stinging his eyes. Mark stared at his phone, it was Jack’s voice. It sounded so sweet like honey, it was gentle and soft. He could listen to it for years. It brought a bittersweet feeling, as the heartstrings slowly drowned him.

_If you’re hearing this it means I’m doing something really fucking stupid, and you should stop me._

He laughed bitterly, hearing the smile behind _Jack’s_ voice, as the cold air loomed into the room. The silent tears stopped, Jack’s voice echoing.

_So… call me back or leave a message. After the beep of course, later._

And Mark destroyed him, killed him from the very inside. He got rid of the ocean eyes, the grin he had, the voice that never failed to make Mark grin. It was all his fault.

A loud, beeping sound came out of his phone. As Mark felt time slowly kick back, the sound of his heart hammering against his ribs, making his ears deaf. The weak light that his phone shone in the darkness.

“Hey,” Mark muttered, what would he say? Silent voices loomed itself into his mind, breaking his voice at the seems.  
“It’s me, Mark.” He paused, taking slow breaths to calm himself down.  
“And it was all my fault.” The voice sunk inside him, as he stared at his phone, weighing in his hands as he hung up. It left a bitter feeling, he could have said more.

Mark gripped his phone tighter, it felt wrong in his hands, like a ticking bomb waiting to explode with the unwanted truth. Still feeling his heart hammering in his chest, he breathed slowly, held his phone high up the ground, and he smashed it into the ground. The sound of glass shattering made his ears ring. It broke open, lying dead on the ground.

Cold tears slowly drowned his vision, splashing into the ground. As he stared into the nothingness of the shadows that were cast in the walls, he felt them staring into his very soul. His breathing quickened, feeling his heart sunk.

_Hey, it’s me. Jack, Seán William McLoughlin. It’s me, live and in stereo. It was all your fault, Mark._

He felt his body panic, he couldn’t control anything. He felt chest burn. As he fell off his chair, falling into the floor with a thud. He could feel his vision swim with tears, the cold seeping in. He stared under the maze of wires, breathing sharply. Mark felt himself die, just a little bit.

_How could you forget about me? Mark?_

The words left his eyes damp and heavy, shaky breaths escaped his tear-stained lips. He felt his spirit escape his body, as he felt everything disappear from him.

_It was all my fault, Jack…_


	9. The beginning of the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Henlo~  
> Sorry for the delay lol, I had some stuff going on and was kind of tired all week and stuff so... here ya go!
> 
> owo I can feel the plot train arriving :)
> 
> Kudos, comments and feedback is appreciated <3

_You see Mark, It all started with you. Your hazel eyes and shit-eating grin._

_Because I was tangled with the heartstrings with you._

Jack blinked at his monitor, as he forgot where he was for a second. He’s still in his room, wasn’t he recording something? He still felt the ghostly touch of bloody roses in his mouth, he bit his lip. A moment passed before he suddenly caught up, looking up at the ceiling.  
“If only Robin was here, I would tell him to ‘don’t fuckin’ leave this bit on’. Yeah…”  
Jack laughed at himself bitterly, as he fixed his dull, green hair.  
“I lose everythin’ don’t I?” He muttered, clearing his throat.  
“Now come on Ellie, we gotta save Joel,” Jack said with more volume, putting on a fake smile.

_You said ‘let’s be poetic and shit and lose our minds together,’ well turns out I’m the only one that lost my mind._

_And it was at the last day, that day._

His toothy grin came up, as Jack laughed at the sheer stupidity of the cut-scene. It was just two, teenage girls trying to make sense of the post-apocalyptic world. He bit his lip, it reminded him so much of-  
“God I love this game.” Jack said, as he blinked his sudden tears away, wishing the camera didn’t catch that. He felt a pang grow inside his chest, sighing as he held his mouse.  
“Cause it reminds me of someone I used to know and we-“ Jack took a second to breathe, the pang slowly growing.  
“And we used to do stupid shit even though we were only together for two months. But we had fun.” Jack said, feeling tears hid behind his glossy eyes.  
“Anyway enough about me, and my… stupid past.” He said, too loudly.

_It was all my fault._

_But it was also yours, you were the beginning of the end. Poetic right? I know._

After a couple of hours of trying to stop his tears from falling and fake happiness, he ended his recording session. Watching the monitor turn into black, taking soft breaths, too loud in his quiet room. The winter sun glimmered behind the curtains, making a weird glow. He felt a rush of air past by, shivering, Jack must have left a window open.

When sitting became too mundane Jack stood up, the ghostly touch of the bloody rose finally left him. As something slowly ate him up, was it regret? Or guilt? Was it the want to fix something that you couldn’t?  
Too fucking tired to care, he ignored it as he walked to the kitchen, the floorboards creaking beneath his feet. The air around him wasn’t so heavy anymore, but the cold still seeped in.

His footsteps rung in the lonely apartment, the dull colours slowly fading out. But it was his only company, as Jack muttered something underneath his breath. The old jacket around him felt cool against his shirt, putting his hands inside his pocket, soft breaths puffed out tiny clouds. _But I don’t blame you, I really don’t._

_I knew you were going to be over me, like everyone else._

“Where the fuck is it?” Jack muttered, as he opened cupboards, breathing heavily as he ignored the pang inside his chest. His eyes travelled up and down, as he got what he was looking for.

A stupid bag of chips.

It was what we take granted for, but it's what he needs right now. As Jack felt the dust in the air, coughing as he closed the cupboards. He was met with his reflection on the kitchen windows, Jack could barely see himself, the dust and dirt must have built up. He touches the bags underneath his eyes, putting aside the stupid bag of chips. His green hair getting duller by each second.

It took a moment before he felt a tear that dripped down to his finger, feeling cold against his skin, travelling from his thumb to his pointer finger. Splashing silently as it hit the floor. He bit his lip, drawing shaky breaths, before running to his room, taking his chips with him.

_But I still remember our favourite food._

_Flamin hot cheetos, stupid, I know._

He ignored everything around him, preventing any more pointless tears from falling. Biting his lip, not caring if it bled. Drawing sharp and shaky breaths, like he was drowning, gasping for breath. Jack didn’t pay any attention to the freezing air or the creaking floorboards. So much for a tiny distraction. He entered his bedroom, he felt like a stranger inside his own home, like a ghost.

Jack momentarily closed his eyes, leaning onto a wall. As the bag hung from his other hand, his face crinkled in the winter sunlight, sighing as he shook his breath.

_Everything reminded me, of you_

“A-all you have to do is finish packing. A-and you’re good.” Jack muttered, like he was breathless. Looking down on the ground he laughed at himself bitterly, when did everything get so… weird? Blinking his eyes he sighed, sitting on the edge of his bed, the door still wide open, feeling the weight of the bed shift as he looked behind him. Feeling the crinkles of the blankets, smoothing it out with his hands.

_And you kind of ruined my year to, Mark._

_I failed my subjects because I was too… busy following you around._

_Thanks._

He glanced at his green suitcase, his half-hearted packed suitcase sat on his bed, barely closed. Clothes seemed to have spilled out, random appliances looked like it was tangled.

Jack looked at his bedroom window, which always had a view of the iron jungle below. His lifeless, ocean eyes reflected the sunlight. Swirling with the clouds and the heavy sways of the wind, as the curtains flying in the wind caught his attention. It opened up the cloudy sun and the noisy city. Gripping the edge of his bed Jack muttered something underneath his breath.

He wanted to fly away, the wind taking him everywhere. The cool, crisp air burned his throat. Jack should probably get packing, but instead, he took everything in. Leaving the flaming hot Cheetos on the bed, it reminded him so much back then. The sun hid behind grey skies, as Jack finally got on his feet.

_Wouldn’t we be in a random spot outside?_

_In the lazy mornings, eating flaming hot cheetos underneath the shade._

Opening his dusty closet he let his fingers glide through his old coats, old everything. Flicking left and right as he swallowed down his feelings and emotions in one go, almost tearing him apart. The winter sun cast shadows through the window, scattering random shadows on the walls. He felt his own, heavy breathing inside his chest.

The dust kissed his face, coughing as he momentarily closed his eyes. As he opened his eyes he was met with a random book, kept to the darkest corner of his closet. Quickly glancing over it, it looked like it was almost torn apart. Getting the clothes out of the way to get a better look he took it out.

It felt heavy on his hands, weighing him down as he stared at it. Like a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode with the unknown. The dust seemed to have set well on the covers, it somehow feels… familiar.

Quickly it took him back in the times, as it stared back at him.

~~

Sitting against the cool wall, tears upon his green jacket. His messy bedroom was all he had now, as the midnight moon shone through the trees and windows, casting the unknown. His discarded homework to this side, as he sat on the floor, broken on his demise. His pen weighed heavy on his hands, thinking what to write next. A ray of moonlight lit up the pages of his book. _We would laugh, as the scorching sun unleashed its heat._

_I thought I had everything then, until that lonely night._

The dirty pages stared back at him, as the messy ink flowed out of his black pen. He shuddered as the autumn wind passed by his room, flicking through pages of his homework and making one of his posters fall.

The muted sound from the living room of the news passed his thin walls, as he paid his attention back to his book. Smoothing out pages as anxious eyes darted back and forth from the shadows. The thought weighing heaving on his mind.

_We were the lovers that went wrong right?_

_You took away my trust, my naivety._

_The ghost of what we had is flying in the smoke._

“Jack? Hurry up!” A familiar voice yelled, too loud in the stillness of the room. His heart leapt up, no one needs to know about him.  
“’m comin’ later.” Jack said quickly, wiping his damp tears from his cheeks. As he was quick on his heels, getting under his blankets, the book still in his hands. The door squeaked open, revealing his sister’s head, peeking from the door.  
“I can go later, seriously.” Jack said, hiding his face. She reluctantly closed the door behind her with a thud, followed by another voice. He sighed, dull eyes staring at the pages, gripping his black pen.

_What went wrong with us?_

_Now I have to re-do a year, didn’t we promise we would go around the world together?_

_A stupid dream._

_Now I’m upset, lost, tired, empty._

_Thanks_

Jack barely made out the words he was writing in the dark, as he gripped his pillows, staring into the unknown. Dropping his pen onto the floor, rolling underneath his bed. Never to be seen again.

“What went wrong?” Jack muttered, the stillness of the room was broken, he missed the sound of the ink flowing onto the pages already. He suddenly felt uncomfortable in his own skin, his messy hair and dull eyes.

~~

“What were we anyway?” Jack muttered to himself, as he heard his own voice echo in the room. Flicked through the pages, the rough paper felt cool against his fingers. He went back to the last page of the book, a lump slowly growing on his throat. Jack sat on his bed, as he felt everything he didn’t want come back.

“ _So thanks for nothing, and everything. You taught me how to love and broke me, told me pretty lies and I believed it._ ” Jack stopped, his eyes travelled to a single bloody rose petal, glued to the top corner of the last page.

“ _And I forgive you, this is the last page I’m going to write. I’m going to try to forget about you, so how about you forget about me?_ ” He continued, as he bit his lips for a second.

“ _This was my first time throwing up pretty flowers for you, I hope I can let go of you._ ” He didn’t realise the tears that fell down his cheeks, poor pages filled with the ink of his memories and tears of the unknown. He shuddered, shaking as he tried to calm himself down.

“ _I loved you._ ” The words left his insides to sting, as he set it down. Squeezing his eyes shut to stop the tears from falling. He felt his throat suddenly burn, something coming up. Tears stung his eyes, as he rushed to his bathroom, leaning on the nearby walls to help him. As he left everything behind in his room.

Just a few hours ago he thought he was fine, but here he was. Spilling pretty flowers from his mouth, blooming as it drained down the sink. Watching it twirl round and round, leaving a copper aftertaste. He gripped the edge of the sink, his knuckles going white. He didn’t dare to look at himself in the mirror.

The slimmer of sunlight came through the now painted windows, barely distracting Jack as it landed on his arm. He shuddered, shaking as he quietly sobbed in the bathroom, feeling his knees shake.

Dull blue eyes reflected the flickering lights, he felt everything inside him slowly die because of his stupid poetry back then. He wiped the blood in his lips with his sleeves, leaving a faint stain on his jacket. The sickness in his stomach slowly faltered away, but not the pretty words that he fed him. Shaky breaths escaped his burning throat, stinging as it left him.

That stupid poetry that distracted him from packing, finally getting him out of his slice of misery. Taking him back when they shared flaming hot Cheetos under the sun and shared stupid kisses, naive to the unknown.

Jack’s knees suddenly gave up, falling onto the floor. He wiped his tears, still feeling sick in the head. Everything in him felt shit, nothing else was new. All he needed was a soft patch of grass to lay his poor head in, as he felt his head spinning.

“You fucked me up in so many ways-,” Jack muttered, his voice raw.  
“Mark Fischbach.” he brokenly spat out, much like the petals that fell from his bloodied lips. His mind slowly wandered off, knowing he would have to pack his suitcase and head for his flight, knowing that he had to put on a character to hide his inner cracks.

_I loved you, Mark Fischbach._

_I always have and always will._

_But will you forget about me? As I forget about you?_

_~fin, last day of year, goodbye me._


	10. The red string of fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really this chapter and I have no idea why, but here it is, at its glory.  
> Kudos, comments and feedback are appreciated

Mark muttered something underneath his breath, stepping outside the airport, automatic doors swaying open. The air was frozen and crisp, as he fiddled with the scarf, breathing out cold puffs of clouds. He bit his lip, gripping his suitcase as his phone rang inside his pocket. The evening sky crept from the shadows, slowly spilling above.

_Amu: Have fun at PAX Mark_

Feeling himself space out amongst the chaos he shook his head, trying to hold himself together. But Jack… He spent last night pouring over photos to find the boy he forgot, from high school photos to graduation, all in the name of finding him again. Mark can still remember the rough edges of the yearbook, tired eyes that scanned hundreds of photos. But it was fruitless, Jack was gone… gone from the dusty books and photos.

_Don’t ever forget anyone_

Funny, that was his senior quote. But he already got rid of a boy he loved, the ocean eyes that waded back and forth in his mind. He lost that… The air was filled with callous conversations and noises of traffic, from people with suits to first-time travellers, the airport was such a busy place. The air felt too heavy, distracting him from someone calling his name.

“Get in loser, everyone’s waiting for you.” Ethan said as he beeped the car horn. Mark winced at the noise, before looking around to be met with eyes on him. He quickly reacted, throwing his suitcase on the back and hopping in the backseat. He felt the car rumble before leaving the airport. He let out a sigh of relief, the heavy atmosphere from the airport leaving him.

A cheesy pop song quietly played on the radio, sighing as he looked around the seemingly clean and tiny car. Tired, glossy eyes reflected the blinking headlights from nearby cars, humming against his throat before he rubbed his eyes.

“Is everyone at the hotel already?” He lazily muttered, rolling his tongue out of boredom. Ethan nodded as an answer.  
“Late flight?” Ethan replied, turning down the radio.  
“Yeah…” Mark muttered, the tiredness in his tone wasn’t hard to ignore.  
“Hey, buddy? You Okay?” He looked back at Mark, grinning.  
“J-just tired.” He muttered, the blue blinking lights reminded him so much of-

_Him, everything reminded Mark of him._

“I’ll tell the others to not bother you when in your room. Check-in and get some sleep, eh?” He said, looking back on the road. Mark stared out into the streets, neon lights blinked at him with green and blues.

“By the way, how’s Amy?” Ethan asked, which caught Mark’s attention. Mark suddenly realised the red string that sat heavy in his hands, as it twisted around his fingers, glittering in the darkness of the car.  
“Good.” He blankly replied, as the rain suddenly started, softly hitting the window. 

Mark felt his heart twist, biting back a strangled groan, he suddenly felt his breath strangled out of him, quietly whimpering as he stared into the ground, silent tears fell to the ground.

_Jack… where are you?_

“Mark? Mark?!”

_Sorry for… all I did_

“I swear to fucking god Mark answer me!”

_Can we… go back?_

“Mark!”

_I loved you_

A sudden screech from the tires filled the air, swerving to avoid a car, as Mark spat out blood, feeling his lungs get heavier with each second. He was suddenly thrown to the other side of the car, groaning as he felt the heartstrings take control of him. He gasped, crying out in pain.

_I’m sorry, by the way_

“Jesus fucking christ Mark!” Ethan spat out, it made Mark snap back to reality, he kept looking back at Mark while looking onto the road. He could see Ethan’s knuckles going white, gripping the steering wheel too tightly, Mark could barely breathe.

“Y-you almost got us killed!”  
“I…”  
“Holy shit, you almost gave me a panic attack!”  
He watched as Ethan bitterly laughed, loosening his shoulders as he raggedly breathed. Mark looked at his own hands, heartstrings intertwined with his fingers, street lights illuminating the strings, shimmering momentarily. He sighed, rubbing his eyes as he tried to control his breathing.

“By the way.” Ethan said, panting.”Who’s Jack?”

It caught Mark’s attention, as his name stood on thin ice, it was only a name, a name of a boy he lost. He quickly blinked away the tears, watching as the strings went out the window. “I-I don’t know.” Mark lied, laughing at himself, for his own stupidity and his own past. He sighed, trying to calm down his beating heart, as he watched the streetlights past by.

~~

The chilly air hit Mark like a brick wall, shuddering as he watched the heartstrings go through the glass doors. He didn’t pay any attention to the strings that led to the building inside, he closed the car door, the hint of blood still on his mouth.  
“You owe me one after you almost gave me a panic attack.” His heart was silent for once, slowly breathing Mark stood still for a moment. He heard the wind howl in the dark, rain fell from the sky, softly hitting the ground. He muttered something underneath his breath. His hazel eyes glanced inside the building, it looked warm and inviting.  
“While out in the road, I might add,” Ethan added, closing the trunk as he gave Mark his suitcase.

“It can’t be…” Mark muttered, words getting lost in the wind, feeling pieces click together. Something stirred inside his heart. He blinked away the sudden tears, seeing the heartstrings shimmer on the ground, leading inside. This is all fake, right?

Mark jogged, hearing the wheels of his suitcase thud along with the steps. He couldn’t hear Ethan’s protests, something was calling him inside, the strings were calling him. After all, why did it present to him?

_“I’m not letting you go, not now. Not ever.” Mark muttered, his voice too quiet between them._  
_“Then, why the fuck.” Jack paused, shoving Mark a few feet away from him. Mark could see the tears that pricked his dead eyes._  
_“Did you, do that!” Jack yelled, tears staining his cheeks._

He ignored the memories that came back to him that night, as he felt his heart race, beating quickly inside his ribs. He can make things rights, for once. Mark still remember how fragile he looked, his dead eyes that no longer held no soul. He stared to his side, spacing out for a second, the strings went that way. Mark quickly booked his room, treading on the carpet as he followed the strings.

“Mark, there’s no need to hurry,” Ethan said, putting a hand on his shoulder. Mark brushed it off, walking faster with Ethan behind him.  
“Hey, buddy. Tell me, what’s bothering you?” He spoke again, but it was useless, falling on deaf ears. Mark looked up again, the strings went to the right. He felt his heart race, stomach feeling sick. Anxious steps filled with purpose, to see him.

“Mark-”  
“You know what Ethan? Just fuck off already.” Mark said too loudly, suddenly filled with anger. He quickly blinked the tears away. Ethan grabbed him by the arm, making him turn around and stop. He stared at Ethan, taking his hand off his arm.  
“Is this, about Amy?” Ethan asked, his tone apologetic.  
“It’s not, it’s-” Mark paused, he felt his heart skip a beat.

_“Jack… please.”_  
_“That’s all you fucking did! You just mess with me, you fucking ruined me! And you’re asking me? To forgive you?” Jack scoffed, pointless tears flowed out of his stormy eyes._  
_“Because of you.” Jack pointed at him.” I have to start over again, because of you I get eyes on my back when I walk through those hallways._ _Because of you, I get called a fucking faggot who was just a fuckbuddy.” He stopped, breathing heavily as he stared at Mark._  
_“You’re the only one I had, Mark.” The words burrowed itself deep inside him._

He ignored the soft breathing from Ethan, or the random noises that fell on his deaf ears. Mark felt the whole world go silent, time stopped. The air felt still, thick, eerie. He turned around, the strings led him to-

_Him_

“Yeah, I’ll talk to you later.” _He_ said, talking on the phone, the strings led to _him_. The words made Mark breathless, _he_ was a few metres away from Mark. The guy in the green hoodie which was too big for _him_ , the guy in jeans that weren’t ironed out properly, the guy who he forgot. The words from Mark’s heart got stuck in own throat, choking on them as _he_ was forced to watch him walk past, eyes followed his every step.

_He_ was in touching distance, inches away from touching _him_. Mark was left breathless, the boy he forgot, the boy he held broken promises with, the boy that tangled his heart with heartstrings. And it led Mark here, what seemed like a couple of metres felt like light years away.

_Jack_

“Mark? Are you sure this isn’t about Amy?” Mark quickly snapped back to reality, Mark forced himself to watch _him_ leave, the heartstrings attached to the bracelet _he_ wore at _his_ wrist. He didn’t realise he was holding his breath, as he left from view. Mark drew a heavy breath, his lungs feeling lighter.

“Amy-.” He paused, weighing the words he could say to lie to Ethan. He gripped the handle of his suitcase, knuckles going white.  
“No… this isn’t about Amy.” Mark muttered, every cell in his body told him to run after Jack, but Mark forced himself to walk to the other direction, Ethan tugging along behind him. Suddenly everything went dead silent, only the occasional sounds of shoes hitting the carpet.

Mark bit his lips, stopping any words from escaping his dry lips. He’s a fool, a fool that held thoughts that intertwined with his heart, a fool that has a heart that imitated Jack’s own beating heart, a fool that can’t do anything.

The key card weighed heavy on his hands, Mark hesitated, staring at the dark wooden door.  
“I.. gotta go back to my room... I’ll tell the others that you're here… don’t forget we’re going out first thing in the morning…”  
The words sounded awkward in the tense atmosphere between them, he waited until he couldn’t hear Ethan’s footsteps, before stepping swiping his card and stepping inside.

~~

Jack panted, as he quickly stepped inside and closed the door behind him. His racing heart beats out of his caged ribs, quick breaths escaped his dry lips. He sat against the wooden door, dead eyes staring at the ceiling lights. 

He was right there, a few metres away from him. He remembers the wolf in sheep’s clothing, his hazel eyes, his calloused hands, his lips that spilled bullshit and fed Jack lies. He was right there, right at his fingertips.

_But what could he say to him?_

Jack shivered, as the rain softly hit the window. He brought his hands close to his chest, feeling his very core beat. Blinking his eyes he sighed, stopping any tears from falling. No more he will cry. Can surgery remove his emotions?

Mark was the storm that killed his very innocence, from two am conversations on the phone turned into sleepless nights wondering how everything went wrong. His ocean eyes that were filled with life slowly drained away with his words, it turned glossy and pale. It was like he was already dead.

“I’m such a fucking idiot, he was right there...” He muttered to himself, laughing at himself with no humour. Jack all alone in his cold room, rain pattering against the window that distorted the bright city lights. It looked beautiful, just for a distraction for this fucked up world.

“Why did it have to be you? Why did it have to be me? Why can’t just stop fucking everything up? W-hy can’t I just talk to him? A-a-and forgive him, and forgive myself?” The cold words spilled out of his lips, it was cold yes, but it was true. His mind began to travel back after the night, remembering the eyes that stared at him, piercing his very soul. The words that the cruel people said still stuck to him to this day.

_Mark’s fuckbuddy got dumped_

_What the fuck is he doing here?_

“Why can’t I just turn back time and-” He stopped himself, his voice breaking. What would he do? Wasn’t it his fault? He wiped the tears that dared to touch his cheeks.  
“Stop everything...” Jack suddenly gripped his stomach, the tightness in his chest slowly grew.  
Quickly he got himself off the floor, using the walls to support himself. His vision began to swim. He barely entered the bathroom, as Jack gripped the edge of the sink, hands shaking.

Suddenly pretty flowers and broken roses spilled out of his mouth and onto the sink, the knots in his stomach slowly untangled. The aftertaste of blood and roses was something old to him. He didn’t dare to look at himself, tears pricked his eyes that fell down his cheeks. Jack drew short and rapid breaths. He could barely breathe, he knew it was going to get worse.

As the thin air began to burn his throat. He couldn’t make out any words, quietly whimpering as he slowly realised what he had become to.

The calm of the storm slowly brewed, leaving Jack silently sobbing in front of the mirror. The pretty flowers escaped his lungs, now it sunk in the sink. Roses and blues swirled together down the drain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OWO the plot is slowly thickening


	11. Strange Tellings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's your boi. Back from tastemade, tasty and tumblr. The holy Trinity form me anyways. Just a reminder that I am procrastinate on everything so... here ya go
> 
> Kudos, feedback and comments is appreciated <3

“Excuse me? Sir?” Mark yelled, the early morning clinging to his eyes. He quickly got his jacket on, quickening his pace.Jack turned around, Mark was met with the same, dull ocean eyes from before. Although it was dead, it was breathtaking, he can get lost on those eyes.  
“Sorry?” Jack muttered, he fixed his hair with his hand.  
“H-have we met before?” Mark asked, touching his neck with his calloused hand. The early sunlight flowed through the stained windows.

Jack shook his head, but Mark could tell it told more of a story. His eyes travelled to his dry lips, seeing bite marks on Jack’s bloody lip.  
“A-a-are you sure?” He said, holding Jack’s arm tightly. He felt a sudden connection, seeing the heartstrings connecting to Jack’s wristband. Mark’s hand felt cold against Jack’s skin. Jack quickly took back his hand, staring into Mark’s hazel eyes. There it was, the sudden connection.

“Sorry I-” Jack paused, something was hiding behind those stormy eyes.” I think you got the wrong person.” He quickly said, before turning his back on Mark and walking away. Mark sighed, feeling his heartbeat quicken. He suddenly lost the feeling, the sudden connection. As the heartstrings treaded on the carpet, following Jack.

_He was right there_

The air felt thin and still, something told him to run after him. But instead he stayed, rubbing underneath his eyes to get rid of his eye bags. He sighed, biting his lower lip.  
“Who was that?” Bob suddenly asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. Mark jumped, startled as he swore underneath his breath. Bob took his hand back.  
“I-I thought it was an old highschool friend.” Mark quickly replied, staring at Bob’s tired eyes. He quietly chewed on his lower lip.  
“Look, Mark.” Bob said.” You look like shit. Let’s get you coffee and a decent breakfast. Then we can talk.” Mark nodded in reply, staring at the spot where Jack used to be.  
“And uh, Markimoo. You’re acting weird, more than unusual.” He said, before walking to the other direction. Once he left, he sighed. Rolling his shoulders, he’s going to be fine.

_Jack was just there, he could have-_

“Done everything right.” He muttered to himself. Mark took a moment, before dragging himself outside for some coffee and a cranky Ethan. The air suddenly shifted, making his hair on his skin stand up. Slowly breathing puffs of winter, watching the whole world go by. Mark should have brought a jacket with him.

_He still can’t get over his stormy eyes._

Mark swung the door open, hearing the soft ringing of the bell. The coffee shop felt warm and inviting. Callous conversations filled the air, each with a meaning, every single one. He looked to his right, seeing Ethan wave at him.  
“Mark! You asshat get your ass here.” He heard Ethan yell, but it swirled in with the voices that filled the room. He sat on the uncomfortable chair, squeaking as he stared out into the window.

“Got you your liquid of death which you loved.” Ethan muttered, sipping on his coffee. Mark stared into creamy liquid, staring into his reflection as it swirled on the cup.  
“Thanks…” He trailed off, hands hugging the warm cup of coffee. Ethan leaned back on his chair, hearing the chair squeak.  
“Dude, I swear this whole coffee shop screams hipster, they didn’t even put this in a plastic coffee cup things.” Ethan joked, smiling behind his cup of coffee.  
Mark looked around, the paintings and photos that hung on the wall was… interesting. And the overwhelming plants that littered the coffee shop.

“But.” He paused, clicking his tongue.” It’s interesting.”

_Heartstrings and broken promises_

“So like hipster coffee shops is like… your style now?” Ethan said, making gestures in the air with his hand. _As your beating heart slowly paced at my own core_

“But hipsters are like emos, but with a beard, and also a laptop, mandatory.”  
He earned a laugh from Ethan.” Hipsters are like… weird humans that want to be special.”

_You slowly left a broken path of lies and sadness, flowers killing me._

He took a sip of his scolding coffee, suppressing a laugh.  
”But they do have some good taste on coffee.” Mark said. Ethan stuck out his tongue at him.  
“Are you kidding? This taste like chalk powder with...” Ethan set aside his possibly expired coffee, he kept snapping his fingers.  
“Horse shit.”

_Heartstrings and broken promises_

“Then why did you pick this place anyway?” Mark asked, setting aside his deathly, creamy liquid. He had enough caffeine for today.  
“It reminded me so much of high school. Everyday, after school. We would drink way too much iced coffee.” He paused, phone on his hand.  
“Tyler, always had milk on his. We would go to this kind of coffee shop, calling it the ‘coffee shack’ or something.”

_Was it just one of your pretty lies?_

“And we would chat about useless shit how school sucks and how our teachers can take a bag of dicks.” Ethan took a moment to write a text.  
“We would especially shit on Ms. Hansen. And say ‘detention for you, again’ in a very English accent.” Mark chuckled.  
“Yeah.” Ethan quickly cut in.” High school was a weird ass time.” Mark nodded in agreement.

_Heartstrings and broken promises._

“Like your fuckbuddy, during senior year?” Ethan said, Mark felt his heart sink.  
“Who?” He asked, pursing his lips. Mark didn’t look at Ethan anymore, only interested on the weird paintings on the wooden wall.  
“You know? The name you kept saying in the car? Jack?” The name caught his attention, taking every inch of his body to tell everything, he was… special. He wasn’t a fuckbuddy, he was more than that… and he let him go. He took a moment, still not over the heartstrings that dug deep into his heart, swirling around his cup as it glistened in the bright light.

_I loved you…_

“Yeah.” He muttered with no energy, blinking to stop any tears from falling. It was all his fault, getting lost on those ocean eyes let to the very destruction of Jack. Mark’s phone suddenly rang, excusing himself to Ethan as he got out of his seat and stepped outside of the freezing air.

Hesitant to take the call the cold hit him like a brick wall, fidgeting with the seams of his sweater as he watched random people go by.  
“Mark.” Amy blandly greeted.  
“Babe.” He muttered, but it felt wrong to call her that.  
“I just wanted to say… that I hope you have a wonderful PAX and-“  
“What?” Mark suddenly cut her off, raising his voice. He didn’t know where this sudden urge came from.  
”I-is this what you called me for?”  
“Mark I-“  
“So we can keep playing pretend relationship when we know we are going nowhere.” He led everything unravel, feeling his heart suddenly imitate someone’s heartbeat.  
“Mark please listen to me.” She muttered, sounding like she was close to crying.  
“Amy, I’m so fucking sorry that I’m not good enough for you and I have to pretend like I love you.” He said, feeling dirty tears that pricked his eyes. Mark quickly wiped them away.  
“I’m sorry that we are wasting our time in this stupid relationship, okay? And I’m sorry that I accidentally-“ Mark quickly cut himself off, feeling his heart at his throat. But it felt like his rhythm was copying someone.

“Broke your heart.” He muttered, sniffling. Mark quickly ended the call, softly sighing. He rubbed the tiredness from his eyes, shivering. He fucked up everything, and he knew it. Shaky breaths escapes his cracked lips, silently puffing tiny clouds out his mouth. It left a bitter feeling as he put his phone inside his jacket, deciding he’ll go back to the hotel. 

_Markimoo: I’ll see you at the hotel Ethan, we have an one hour before he have to go._

~~

Gasping for air Jack wiped his bloody mouth his towel, his heart beating out of his chest. He didn’t dare to look at the flowers that swirled down the drain, just the touch of Mark’s calloused hands alone triggered it. Jack sighed, seeing the damp tears on his cheeks.

He made his way back to his bed like nothing happened, sitting down as he felt the bed shift weight. Jack stared out of the window, watching the iron jungle go by. Jack sighed, it would be too dangerous to touch Mark again. He hopes that they don’t have any panels together, avoid Mark was his top priority.

_But he gets too lost into his chocolate, warm eyes._

Taking a minute to stare into the nothingness, feeling the thin air calm him down. He quickly changed clothes, throwing on jeans and a random jacket. Jack threw a thick windbreaker, grabbing his backpack and scarf. He looked back into his room, the noise of nothingness. He quietly wished himself to never see Mark again, before coming down to the lobby to catch a ride with a random uber.

~~

“What was that phone call about?” Ethan asked, drumming his finger on the steering wheel. Ethan looked out of the window as he waited for Bob and Wade.  
“I-it was just Amy calling, asking how I’ve been.” Mark said. Ethan nodded in reply, but he wasn’t buying it.  
“Hey Mark.” He paused, fixing his hair on the mirror.” You’ve been… acting strange lately. You sure you’re okay?”  
Mark bit his lip, wishing they would get here faster. He leaned back on his seat, looking up. “I guess I am.” He muttered.

After Bob and Wade finally got in the car the weird atmosphere quickly changed, Mark laughed when Bob made a witty comment about Ethan’s driving skills, which was followed by an old man joke. Bob also joined in, casually making conversation. And all that time, Mark was staring at the heartstrings that went out of the window and onto the streets, watching it dance in the wind.

“So… panels should happen relatively soon. We share the panels and the signing meet and greet thing happens an hour later.”  
Mark stepped out of the car, stretching his arms as he grabbed his bag.  
“We should reenact a play.” Bob suggested.  
“Bob going back to his theatre routes?” Ethan joked, laughing.  
“Thy art thou shall not be an idiot.” Mark joined in, making gestures with his hand.  
“But theatre was kind of fun…”  
Mark smiled, suppressing a smile. Today is going to be… a good day. He felt a cool breeze go by, picking up a few leaves as it made it dance in the parking lot. The clouds swirled in the sky, filtering some of the sunlight. Everything fet too... calm.

~~

As Mark swung open the glass doors, a few people were already in. Mark looked through the glass doors, seeing hundreds of fans lining outside. With similar stories with different faces, it’s what makes everything worth it.  
“A few minutes until the doors open, and then fifteen minutes until panel.” Mark muttered to himself, he sighed. He ignored the heartstrings that followed the carpet, emitting a red glow. His phone ringed inside his pocket.

_Amu: What were we anyways…_

Swinging his arms out of boredom as he followed Ethan around, watching him get excited about everything. He smiled to himself as he watched Ethan go on and on about coming up games. He was like a kid at a candy store, walking around and everything catching his eye.

Mark watched as Ethan gushed about the a character arc from a random game, when he heard the slightest stampede of footsteps Mark pressed his lips into a thin line. “I’ll see you in a bit, meet you there.” Ethan beamed, walking to the other direction. Mark stared at the skylights that flowed through the glass. He sighed, watching the heartstrings from the ground suddenly move.

Mark bit his lip, feeling as though time has stopped. It’s just the two of them, Jack with his stormy, ocean eyes that stared at Mark’s chocolate eyes. His smile that seemingly dropped. His jeans looked good on him, and how his hair was messily made. Mark’s heart skipped a beat, watching the strings follow Jack’s wristband from high school.

The air felt thick, and the atmosphere felt awkward. What would he say? He can’t just apologize to him with simple words. Mark took a step forward, not knowing what to expect.  
“I…”  
“Mark…”  
“Jack…”  
Everything felt wrong, the way Jack said his name, The way he felt uneasy, he could tell he’s hiding something. Mark watched as Jack shakily breathed, looking like he was about to cry.  
“Listen I-”  
“Don’t. Fucking. Talk. To. Me.” Jack said too loudly, the air felt like it vibrated with his voice. Mark took a step forward, which Jack replied with a step back. The words Jack made pierced his heart, feeling his heartbeat suddenly rise, Time slowly bled back in, and the air finally felt thin again. Time must have gone by fast, people were already scrambling to play the latest game. He shook his head, sighing.

Jack already left him, gone amidst the crows. Mark ignored the screams and the voices. Nothing made sense, it wasn’t the same Jack. His eyes looked like it didn’t hold his soul, Mark could see the bags that jack wore. It was like Jack was sick, it was getting worse. Watching shoes trample on the strings that was lost in the crows he rubbed his eyes, Turning around the other direction to meet Ethan.

_What illness could he possibly have?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3


	12. Kiss me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sighs* the middle of the chapter is supposed to be silly and weird. But like I am so sorry  
> *they said big dick energy welfjwfwou i cant*
> 
> Anyways.
> 
> Kudos, feedback and comments is appreciated

Mark stared at his fingernails, heartstrings intertwined with his fingers. The air was filled with callous conversation and funny jokes from Ethan. Mark shifted his position, the leather couches were uncomfortable. He still can’t get over the sudden burst of anger while on the phone with Amy, or the conversation he had with Jack. Where you could hear a pin drop.

 

_ So we can keep playing pretend relationship when we know we are going nowhere _

 

Mark chewed on his lower lip, watching unknown faces have normal conversations. 

 

_ Don’t. Fucking. Talk. To. Me _

 

Nothing made sense, how Jack sounded so angry and stressed. Mark hummed in his throat, watching as he swirled water in a plastic bottle. Everything was going haywire, nothing was making sense. 

 

_ What illness could Jack bare in his heart? _

 

Everything around him sounded distorted and underwater, his throbbing with pain. Mark winced, gripping the plastic water bottle hard, spilling water onto the carpet.

“Mark.” Ethan said, loudly snapping in front of him. Mark quickly blinked, feeling his heart quickly beat. 

“Hm?” Mark said, staring at Ethan in confusion. 

“I just asked you about an idea for a mini play during the panel.” Mark felt eyes on him, as his senses slowly bled back.  

“Oh.” He said, staring back at the heartstrings. 

 

~~

 

_ icantbreatheicantbreatheicantbreathe _

 

_ dontthrowupdonthrowupdontthrowup _

 

Jack swung the bathroom door open, hand clutching as his chest. Quietly gasping as he tripped, falling onto the bathroom floor..

 

_ makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop _

 

Feeling his lungs fill up with flowers, throat burning. Jack picked himself up, feeling the strain of his elbows. He limped his way to the graffitied bathroom window, staring at himself. Tears in the corner of his eyes reflected the flickering light, his sunken, dull eyes stared back at him. Jack blinked the black spots in his vision. 

 

_ helpmehelpmehelpmehelpme _

 

Jack put a hand over his mouth, stopping any flower from spilling out his bloody mouth. He felt his knees go weak, body shuddering. 

 

_ markfischbachwhydidyoudothistome? _

 

Jack gasped, quickly sucking in air. Putting a handover his beating chest, the flowers seemed to have disappeared. He felt his chest quickly rise and fall.

He rubbed his eyes, wiping the blood from his lips. Coming here was such a bad idea. 

 

Looking around to see if anyone was in the background he sighed, chuckling at himself.Why was he so stupid? Why did he talk to him? He still felt how time felt slow and all the sounds were muted when they were talking. How Mark looked at him with his chocolate eyes, or how he softly spoke his name. 

 

He splashed water on his face, staring at the ceiling for a beat. Touching his neck with his hand, Jack stared at himself. He’s so pathetic, how he ran away from him, running through the crowd. It was all a blur, everything happened too much. Jack deeply breathe through his nose, wishing it would all end. 

 

He bit his lip, sudden anger rising. With one swift motion he punched the mirror, his reflection breaking. Jack winced, knuckles bruised. He drew sharp breaths, turning on the tap. The cool water ran through his bleeding hand, cold water hues with crimson blood swirled in the sink. 

 

“Mark Fischbach, why did I trust you?”

 

~~

 

Jack felt uncomfortable during the panel, awkwardly smiling as he tried to hide his bruised hand. He stared into the crowd, thousand of people with each, different story. A sudden hand came up from the crowd.

 

“Jack, would you ever consider doing a collab with Mark? I would love to see you guys do a funny skit like a play or something.” They said, the crowd suddenly got louder. The words hung in the air, as he stared at Mark. Mark was there, smiling, like he doesn’t care. Their eyes suddenly locked on for a second, stormy eyes into the warm, chocolate eyes.

 

He felt a sudden tug in his heart, ignoring it. He brought the microphone closer to him.

“I would be open to the idea.” He lied, pursing his lip. He felt Mark staring at him.

“Yeah, I don’t mind it.” Mark paused, he stared at Jack, chewing his lip.

“I wouldn’t mind it all.” The atmosphere suddenly felt awkward, Jack didn’t dare to look at Mark for a second. 

 

“Alright who wants to see a play from Jack and Mark right now? At this very stage?” 

 

The words made him drop his bottle of water, spilling on the floor. Though he ignored it, watching the crowd yell ‘septiplier’. Fucking great. He hesitantly stood up, shaking. The sight of Mark made his heart flutter and made him angry at the same time, all because of a stupid illness.

 

Mark was there, standing and laughing. Hearing the crowd cheer and Mark staring at him, blissful to the things he made Jack feel. He threw on a fake smile, he didn’t dare to stare into his warm eyes. 

“You’re prompt is…” Ethan paused, grinning at Mark. Mark kept laughing and arguing with Ethan, while Jack felt a blush creep up.

 

Fuck

 

“Ruined proposal.” Jack felt his body tense, as Mark laughed, had the audacity to laugh, when they both know what he had already done to Jack. He took a step forward, staring into his warm eyes. Jack hid his bruised hands in his pocket. 

 

Mark suppressed a laugh. “Thy shall put a golden ring, thee crafted from the very tempest of hell!” 

 

“What?” Jack laughing at the sheer stupidity of the sentence.

 

Jack couldn’t help but laugh, feeling his heart flutter. He knows this isn’t what he’s supposed to feel, but it feels.. nice. Jack cleared his throat.

 

“Thy will not.” Jack said, in an obnoxious accent. The crowd filled with laughter, Mark was laughing too. He couldn’t help but look at the corners of his smile, crinkling. How he laughed filled his mind on memories. 

 

Mark dramatically gasp, “Why can’t thee love me? Won’t thou and thyself board every corners of this fiery hell?”

 

Jack can admit he can act, Mark smiled at him, he felt a blush creeping up.

 

Fuck…

 

“Because thou cannot accept thy offer.” Jack said, looking away from Mark. Mark gasped, getting in his knee. He felt his heartbeat.

 

~~

 

_ “We should get married Jack. Let’s travel the corners of this very world, let’s grow old together and live in an old cabin in the woods.”  _

 

_ Mark looked into his ocean eyes, grinning.  _

 

_ “I love you.” _

 

_ ~~ _

 

“But thou loves you.” Mark said. He pulled out a random plastic ring from his pocket, bowing his head. The crowd cheered and laughed. While Jack couldn’t stop laughing, and he hated it.

 

“I shall not and will not accept thy offer. Because thy does not haveith bigith dickith energy.” 

 

Mark suppressed a laugh, keeping his head bowed down. Jack doesn’t actually hate this, it feels… nice. 

 

“How does one obtain such grandiose power? Such, big dick energy.” Mark acted, he lifted his head. Staring into Jack’s eyes. 

 

Jack smiled, this moment taking him back to when he was blissful. How Mark laughed and was childish, how he was funny and made his heart flutter. How they used to make fun of drama plays that took place.

 

Jack took a step closer to Mark. “Thy shall go in the deepest caverns of the wind, where thy has lived to tell a tale. Then thee will accompany thy in many quest in the isle, beyond thy isle.”

 

Jack paused, chewing on his lip. He drowned the sounds of laughter and cheers, Jack ignored the people who stared at them. He took a deep breath, then stared into Mark’s eyes. He felt the whole atmosphere change. 

 

_ Open your heart to it _

 

_ “ _ I will accompany you in such quest, helping and guiding thee in search of thy mighty behemoth dick energy.” Jack grinned, while Mark simply laughed. 

 

“Thee will help in thy journey, through the hardships of hell and heaven. To the mighty seas in search of thy pearl of thy kraken.”

 

“Nay! Thee will injure with the spirits of the world.” Mark said, holding Jack’s bruised hand.

 

Jack shook his head.” Thee will fly beyond this isle, the corners of the word out mere prologue. Thee fill fly with thou, may the devil himself come forward and break us apart.”

 

Jack softly breathed through his nose. He threw away the toy ring away.” Thou shall never break thy hope. As wicked of the journey of the search of big dick energy. O heaven, O hell may they come. But thy will aid in your quest.”

 

“But thy will die!” Mark gasped. Jack brushed his face with the back of his hand, he felt his heartbeat. He felt a sudden connection, a tug in his heart. He got lost in Mark’s chocolate eyes.

 

“Thee will aid thou, no matter the challenge.”

 

Jack grinned, blushing. He felt the sounds mute and time slow. It’s just the two of them. Mark sheepishly grinned. Ocean eyes onto chocolate eyes. 

 

Jack begged him to say the words. 

 

_ I love you _

 

But it never came 

 

“Just kiss already!” The crowd suddenly laughed, as Jack felt the realisation dawn him. He smiled weakly, fighting the urge to let the tears fall down his cheeks.

 

_ He’s never going to love you _

 

Jack took back his hand, feeling the eyes that stared at him. He looked around the room.

 

“But thee, what foolishness has led you to this moment?” Jack said, voice faltering. 

 

Mark sensed the discomfort, he stood up, taking Jack’s hands.

 

“But thou shall love you.” Mark muttered, eyes crinkling. 

 

“I have-” He paused, scoffing. He looked at Mark.” Thee has seen thy foulest act, giving thy heart to thy.” Mark frowned, pursing his lip. 

 

“It was all mistaken my lover!” He gasped, Mark swallowed against his dry throat.

 

“Thee saw thy in a foul act.” Jack took back his hand, eyes glossy. He suddenly felt uncomfortable in front of people. 

 

“But thee loves you.” Mark muttered, pressing his lips into a thin line. Jack took a step forward. The air went still and quiet.

 

“Thy holds lies within thou wicked heart.” Jack muttered, looking at Mark.

 

“Goodbye.” The word left his mouth, barely above a whisper. Both of them didn’t  _ smile _ or  _ laugh _ , instead they  _ stared _ at each other. 

 

The air suddenly ruptured with applause and cheers, while Jack sat down on his seat again, Hiding his bruised hand. He pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. What the fuck just happened?

 

~~

 

“That felt like a real performance.” Ethan said, glancing at the empty rows of plastic chairs. He sat on the table, grinning.

 

“Too real.” He eyed Mark suspiciously, raising his eyebrow. 

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, ignoring Ethan’s look.

 

“It means that you’ve either secretly done theatre-which I highly doubt. Or…” Ethan paused, as Mark rolled his eyes. He opened a bottle of water.

 

“What?”

 

“There was a connection between that Jack dude.” Mark spat out the water out of his mouth, muttering a swear.

 

“Excuse me?” He wiped the dripping water from his chin. 

 

“Dude it looked like you two have been doing theatre for years! Like a romeo and juliet  _ soulmate _ thing.” Mark suddenly stood up, sighing.

 

Soulmate, heartstrings, red string of fate, hanahaki disease. Same thing, each to ruin everything you loved.

 

“Where are you going?” 

 

He jumped off stage, looking back at Ethan.” I’m going to get some air.”

 

He didn’t know where he would go, he just needed a few minutes to himself. Maybe a day or two. He strode through the seemingly endless and empty hallways. Mark craved fresh air, the wind gently passing by, maybe snow gently falling down or rain pelting the ground.

 

_ Goodbye _

 

The word echoes in his head, with each step he took. With Jack’s face, how he chewed on his lip or how his ocean eyes screamed comfort. It took him back to the night they met, how Jack’s eyes were filled with tears or how the rain pelted the ground. How that night went downhill, with a single broken promise.

 

Mark felt a sigh of relief, swinging the doors open. The parking lot seemed empty and quiet, the darkening sky swirled, the lights flickered, the cities lights in the distance, the cold air that burns his throat, the silent sounds of cars driving past. It’s Mark’s own little, private world.

 

He leaned against the wall, softly breathing through his nose. The cold, crisp air reminded him of home. Mark breathed out puffs of clouds, staring into the silent sky.

 

But I didn’t take long when the peace was broken

 

“Hey.” Jack muttered, he grinned at him. Jack took a step forward, under the light. His shadow casted on the wall. He took out one of his earphones, he could hear the music quietly play. He quietly hummed whatever song he’s listening to.

 

“Jack.” He said after a beat.

 

“Mark.” He said after a beat.

 

He saw the longing in his eyes, he took a step closer to Jack. Sighing. Mark was under the light, staring into his ocean eyes. 

 

“Look I just wanted to say that-” Mark paused. He collected his thoughts, looking at Jack’s cute beanie, it looks good on him.

 

“I’m sorry.” Mark spat out.

 

“Don’t be.” Jack muttered, he took a step closer to Mark, their bodies inches away. He stared at Jack’s bruised hand, intertwined with the heartstrings. Mark grinned.

 

“Kiss me.” He breathed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I am... so sorry


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *looks up from my newspaper* oh hi yes hello 
> 
>  
> 
> song that jack was listening to that you should probably listen to whilst reading
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> So..  
> Yeah
> 
> Kudos, comments and feedback is appreciated <3

It was irrational to look Mark in the eye, getting lost in those warm eyes. 


 

It was irrational to touch his soft face.

 

It was irrational for his lips to be so close to his.

 

Everything about this was irrational.

 

It feels so good, but it’s also so bad.

 

_ Oh, I hope someday I'll make it out of here _

 

The  _ icy  _ pull of Mark’s cologne and coffee clung to his clothes. The warmth that radiated from his body felt reassuring and  _ soft _ . The way his eyes crinkled, how he gently smiled at Jack. He could hear the soft  _ thumps _ from Mark’s heart, mimicking Jack’s. He could feel time melt away, sounds were muted, his music softly playing, he could hear the soft breathing from Mark. 

 

_ Even if it takes all night or a hundred year _

 

For once, he felt everything was going to be alright.

 

_ Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near _

 

“Kiss me.” He breathed out, slowing inching the gap closer. He already felt breathless, batting his eyelashes. Jack could see his grin. He felt Mark’s warm breath on his lips.

 

_ Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear _ __  
  


But then, Mark close the gap between them. 

 

Jack wrapped his arms around him. His lips soft felt warm and soft, it feels  _ too  _ good. Jack melted at the kiss, as Mark hummed. It reminded him so much of the night they met. He could feel his chest lose to Mark, sharing the same heartbeat.

 

Everything about this was irrational.

 

It’s too dangerous

 

Jack pulled away, breathing through his nose. He clutched his hands near his chest, as Mark twirled his finger in the locks of Jack’s hair. 

 

This is exactly the night, how they met. 

 

Kissing in the parking lot, as the darkening sky swirled above their heads. How the cold wind brushed by, making Jack shiver. He melted into Mark’s touch, nuzzling his head on his neck. As Mark hummed to himself.

 

Everything feels too good.

 

Jack quickly took a step back, pulling away from Mark.”Stop.” He said, taking another step back. 

 

He ripped himself away from the  _ icy _ pull that radiated from him. Time slowly bled back in, the noises became louder. 

 

_ Isn't it lovely, all alone? _

 

”What’s wrong?” He said softly, taking Jack’s hand. 

 

“Don’t touch me.” He said, swiftly taking back his hand. He chewed his lips, not daring to look him in the eye.

 

_ Heart made of glass, my mind of stone _

 

Glassy eyes reflected the bright city lights, his headphones dangling from the wind, still playing music.

 

_ Tear me to pieces, skin and bone _

 

“Babe.” He says, voice soft.” What’s wrong?” Mark asked, taking a step forward.

 

“Don’t call me that.” He said firmly, blinking away the sudden tears. Jack kept taking steps away from him.

 

“Why?”

 

He felt sudden fury on his blood, his eyes filling with tears.

 

“Don’t you fucking dare call me babe like I’m your sick, fucking fuckbuddy!” He yelled, tears dripping down his cheeks. A sob escaped his throat.

 

Mark scoffed, meeting his cold, dead eyes.”You knew you are more-“

 

He scoffed.“You fucking lied to me, told me I was everything to you. Told me you loved me a million of times. Then you fucking cheated on me! Spread fucking rumours about me being your fuckbuddy then just forget about me!”

 

_ Hello, welcome home _

 

Jack shook his head, shaking and sobbing. Tears staining his cheeks. He pulled out the red wristband, showing it front of Mark. He took a step forward.

 

“This was the wristband you made for me five years ago. And I wore it and kept it and hoping that everything will be  _ fine _ .” He paused, momentarily closing his eyes. 

 

He threw it away, watching it get lost in the parking lot.

 

“When I knew-that everything was a lie, everything I felt was a lie.” Jack sobbed.

 

Mark took a step forward, taking Jack’s hand.”I  _ love _ you Seán.” The usage of his real name made his heart drop to his feet.

 

“No you fucking don’t.” He sobbed, taking back his hand. 

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry,  _ I’m sorry _ -”

 

“No.” He says, wiping the tears from his damp eyes. He shook his head.”No you’re fucking not.”

 

At that moment alone, Jack felt… nothing… and everything, the mere weight of the world on his shoulder and the nothingness that swelled up on him. Mark stared into his  _ cold _ ,  _ dead _ eyes. 

 

But then, he let his feet carry him. Running away from Mark, running away from everything. He felt the rush of the icy wind on his face, tears pricking his eyes. He sobbed into the evening, turning corners and twist. He swallowed thickly, adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.

Jack slowed down to a stop, the cold crisp air stinging his tear-stained cheeks.

 

The musky smell of garbage hung in the air, graffiti on the brick walls, the dumpster radiating a foul smell. Rain suddenly pelted the ground, soaking his clothes. Jack shuddered in the cold, staring at the ground. Shaky breaths escaped his lips.

 

He wrapped his arms around himself, feeling how his whole body shake. The contact gave him some kind of comfort. The sound of  _ pitter-patter  _ filled the void of silence, the eerie haze started to form on the ground, clinging to it.

 

Shaky sobs escaped his lips, tears dripping down his cheeks. Everything felt cold, too cold. Lips turning his blue, the cold weeping into his body.

  
  


Flowers suddenly bloomed in his lungs, bile coming up to his throat. He felt his knees shudder, holding his stomach. A burning sensation grew in his throat. 

Tears pricked his eyes, coughing out blood, crimson red hued with rain water. Nausea plagued him, feeling his stomach churn.

 

The pretty flowers spilled from his mouth, purging his throat. Roses cut his raw throat, groaning in pain. It purged him, eating him alive. Forget-me-nots poisoned with blood and sweat, swimming in foul water.

 

~~

 

The strings didn’t lead to Jack anymore.

 

He couldn’t shake the feeling of the red, silky string cutting from his wrist. Dropping to the wet ground, he felt his very soul break. He felt his whole world go silent.

 

The sound of rain pelting the roof of cars sounded like bullets, as he followed the heartstrings. Mark shivered in the cold, rain drenching his clothes. Tears hued with rain dropped down his cheeks.

 

_ “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” _

 

Mark wrapped his hands around him, shivering. He bent down in the middle of the road, picking up the red wristband that hung from Jack’s wrist. The strings intertwined with his fingers, but it didn’t follow him anymore. 

 

His lips quivered, heart breaking. He stared at the wristband, which seemed to be nothing more than a random accessory to someone else, it held something close to his heart. 

 

A broken promise that he held.

 

The strings fluttered in the wind, as Mark felt everything in his life drop.

 

_ “I love you Seán _ .”

 

“I’m sorry.” He sobbed into the rain, voice quivering. He dropped the wristband to the ground, hands shaking. He kept repeating the same words, spilling out of his soft lips. He drowned in the rain, tears only making it worse.

 

The silent swinging of the glass doors filled his ears, as Ethan ran out in the rain, water splashing beneath his feet. 

 

“Mark, buddy. Look at me.” Ethan said softly, rain dripping down his face. But it was fruitless, he kept sobbing in the rain.

 

“Mark Fischbach, look at me.” He said louder, voice hued with frustration and worry. Mark only turned around, staring at the ground, he didn’t dare to look him in the eye. 

 

Ethan reached out his hand, raising Mark’s chin. He saw the fear and sadness that longed in Mark’s teary eyes. Ethan softly breathed through his nose, he wanted that look gone from his face, it was rare to see him crying out in the rain.

 

“Hey.” Ethan softy said, the words sweet as honey. He didn’t care about the rain that pelted against his clothes or the cold that seeped into his body.

 

Mark needed him.

 

He knew that.

 

Ethan planted both of his hands on his shoulders, worry on his face.” Mark, tell me what happened.” He says, Mark’s breathing hitched.

 

“Slowly.” He gently squeezed his shoulders. Mark slowly nodded his head, now staring at Ethan’s eyes.

 

“I let him go.” Mark said after a minute, his voice breaking. The sound of rain pelting the ground and nearby traffic filled the silence.

 

“And-and it was my fault. It was always my fault. I kissed him and-and he pulled back and he was crying. And-and I told him I loved him and-and I saw the broken look on his face and told me that I was a fucking liar and-and I know that I lied to him and-and he ran.” Mark paused, swallowing thickly, panic coursing through his body and tone.

 

“It was my fault because I broke him like that and I made him cry because he was the person five years ago and-and I was the one who started all of this. I cheated on him and fed him lies and it was my fault that I kissed her and-and I didn’t give two shits about him. And I was the one who broke his soul and heart. And-and it’s my fault that I still love him after five fucking years..!” 

 

Mark sharply breathed, tears on his face. He felt Ethan drag him out of the rain.

 

“It’s my fucking fault.” Mark muttered, not daring to look him in the eye. The light that came inside flickered, their shadows reaching the rain. Ethan took a moment to realise who it was, he sighed to himself.

 

“Mark fucking Fischbach.” Ethan said, his voice demanded the attention. Mark paused for a second, damp eyes staring at him.

 

“I don’t give a shit, whatever you’ve done in the past is in the past. And I know that you sucked during high school while being egotistical.” Ethan paused, walking out on the rain, he bent down to pick up the red wristband.

 

Ethan walked back to Mark, placing it in his palm.”But you have a good heart and care about other people and you’re a crybaby.” Ethan squeezed Mark’s hands.

 

“I have to admit that you do suck sometimes” He said louder, the rain pelting harder than ever before. Mark sniffed, looking at him in eye.

 

“Now I will go and do the very best of myself to fill in for you inside, while you go and chase your secret boyfriend.” Ethan smiled, which seemed to calm Mark down a little bit.”I need you to do whatever it takes to get him back, no matter what it takes. I want you to keep him safe and get him back-without a frostbite.”

 

Ethan felt Mark’s body tense.”But what if I fuck up and ruin this only chance that I ever get?” He asked, his voice breaking.

 

“Mark, I’m going to say this again and only once.” Ethan paused for a beat, looking out in the rain.”You’re a good guy Mark, you just fucked up in high school. I still remember how you two were so in love, so get back on that rhythm.”

 

Mark couldn’t resist looking at Ethan’s  _ sweetest _ smile.”And you bring him home.” His voice was soft.

 

“Promise me.”

  
  


Mark stared at the wristband in his palm, fluttering every once in a while in the wind. His gaze went to the strings, which was already beginning to fade in the air. He shivered, throwing Ethan a smile and nodding.

 

“Yeah.” Mark murmured, he was unsure how everything was going to unfold.

 

The strings didn’t lead to Jack anymore

 

He has a few more hours until the strings truly goes away forever.

 

“I promise.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thicken


	14. It was like the night we met

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *distressed dabbing*  
> we are nearing the end of this wild, roller coaster of this fic (I think anyways) and I just wanted to say thanks for the amount of support, love u all <3
> 
> just buckle yourself up for some shitty fight scenes and unrealistic storms and time durations
> 
> Yell at me on tumblr @blepbean srsly just yell shit and do some fic request ;w;
> 
> kudos, feedback and comments are appreciated <3

 

_ 3 hours and 14 minutes _

 

It’s cold

 

Too cold

 

The rain kept berating him, as he huddled near the corner of the alleyway. His lips quivering, body shaking, Jack tried to squeeze his fingers, but they felt numb.

Shaky breaths escaped his chapped lips, he held his hands close to his chest, trying to draw heat from his body.

 

He needed heat

 

Rubbing his hands together didn’t help much

 

The cold, rain that fell hard on him didn’t help.

 

His wet clothes didn’t help.

 

Everything didn’t help.

 

He sat there, in the corner of the alleyway, against the brick wall, the mound of garbage that emitted a foul scent. He didn’t dare to move, he only looked at the street, watching the streetlight flicker. The wind was picking up, making the leaves on the ground swirl for a moment. The light suddenly shone, lightning soaring the sky, making a purple glow for half a second. He silently counted to himself, until one second later he heard the thundering, booming sound ruptured the stormy sky.

 

It wasn’t far from here.

 

Jack kept rocking himself back and forth, telling himself petty lies. It’s going to be fine, as the wind madly shook the trees. He kept himself small, looking for any kind warmth.

 

~~

 

_ 3 hours _

 

Anxious eyes searched the area, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel. His heart was picking up, the heartstrings getting weaker with each second. His phone was on his other hand, he decided to step on the pedal.

 

_ Hey, it’s me. Jack,  _ _ Seán William McLoughlin. It’s me, in this… voice mail message thingo. _

 

Water seemed to flood the streets, the grey clouds swirling in the evening sky. The windshield wiper wasn’t enough to keep the rain falling down his windshield, making visibility much harder as fog started to cling to the windshield.

 

_ If you’re hearing this it means I’m doing something really fucking stupid, and you should stop me. _ __  
  


“He’s safe.” Mark kept repeating to himself, blasting the heater on full to get rid of the fog.

 

_ So… call me back or leave a message. After the beep of course, later.  _

 

“Jack, please. Please answer me. There’s a storm happening and I’m worried about losing you and the cold and hyperthermia and the wind is getting stronger by each second and-“ Mark stopped himself from panting, he took a deep breath, fingernails tapping the steering wheel.

 

“I just don’t want to lose you.” He whispered, barely audible for the phone to pick up. He ended the call, getting worried as each time he listened to his voicemail. Mark took steady breaths, turning on the radio, sound coming out as staticky.

 

_ “This is very hard times, there is currently a massive storm clouding over Boston. All civilians are urged to stay indoors unless it it necessary, driving or any type of transport is ill advised. There is heavy amount of rainfall and winds are travelling up to 39 mph and is suspected to travel much faster as the storm ravages, all connections are currently going haywire. Please, stay safe.” _

 

Mark felt the warmth of his breath, he kept steadfast eyes looking, watching whole trees sway in the wind.

 

_ I don’t want to lose you _

 

Taking a slow turn to the left, being mindful of the wind. Mark gripped the steering wheel tighter, knuckles going white. Thoughts and questions didn’t calm him down, as cold sweat dripped from his forehead.

 

_ I’m not going, not now, not ever _

 

He resisted the urge to bite his lip, the search was going nowhere. Mark pulled the window down, feeling the heavy rain pelting him, the violet wind wiping his face. Mark slowed down, looking out into the darkness, headlights making the rain shimmer. 

 

_ I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. _

 

He yelled Jack’s name into the storm, the thunder lighting up the night sky. He counted to himself, the glowing purple lighting up the stormy clouds, the thundering boom travelled to his ears a second later.

 

It wasn’t far from here 

 

The rain drenched his face, hair wet. Mark kept squinting into the distance, hoping to find Jack safe and sound, calling out for help in the storm. The thought of him being safe filled him with a bit more hope. But Mark looked at the strings intertwined with his fingers, it was starting to get transparent. He shook his head, ducking back in the car and turning the engine off. He opened the door, taking a second to think, this is stupid. 

 

He stepped outside, feeling the rainwater seep into his pants. Seeing his reflection on the murky water, he felt the strong wind push him back. He shielded his eyes with his hands, taking slow and steady steps. He walked along the flooding streets carefully, looking to the sides for any sign of life. Streetlights were merely useless in the storm, the visibility no more than a couple of metres. Mark grumbled, feeling the wind fluttering his thick jacket. 

 

_ 2 hours and 48 minutes _

 

The rigid sound of rain pelting his thick jacket, the water increasing a millimeter with each minute, seeping into his pants, the cold seeping into his skin and the fresh scent of rain was something he was getting used to. Shivering with each second, screaming from the top of his lungs with each minute. Mark took shaky breaths, breathing out clouds from his lips. Wrapping his arms around him, while the storm gave him company. 

 

“Jack!” Mark yelled into the stormy night, hoping to get an answer. But nothing replied to him. Mark shook his head, staring forward. The red wristband still on his wrist.

 

~~

 

_ 2 hours and 40 minutes _

 

Rain slowly flooded into the alleyway, the drainage systems overfilled. He felt the icy cold water seep into his socks. Jack kept shivering, daring not to move. 

 

He also didn’t dare to turn his head to the sound of shoes splashing into water.

 

His heart leapt, fear and hope intertwining. Was it Mark? Jack shook his head, still facing the corner. The sound became louder and louder, leather shoes tapping into the flooding ground. He heard a sneer, the sound of shoes went from one to two.

 

“Please.” Jack sobbed, not facing the people. He could feel their presence, staring at him with wicked eyes, staring ten feet away. 

 

This wasn't good.

 

“Oh~don’t worry.” An unfamiliar voice cooed, Jack felt sick as the words reached him. He tried to make himself smaller, the sounds of the storms giving him a brief distraction. He bit down on his lip to stop any sobs escaping.

 

“I’m here to help, darling~” it came from another voice. Jack felt his stomach curl, the tone had a sense of malice and a drop of sinister. Jack heard a quiet chuckle, taking a step forward. 

 

“I won’t hurt you.”

 

~~

 

_ 2 hours and 35 minutes _

 

Ethan tapped his foot, staring into the TV, blaring out news and information about the big storm. Callous conversations went by however, useless things about how their going to go home or the amount of inconvenience it held. Ethan sunk into the leather couch, the warmth from the heater that circulated around the room gave him comfort.

 

Of course, his thought wondered to one thing. 

 

Mark Fischbach, the guy to fix everything and he fucked up. 

 

The statement he thought for him calmed him down a little bit, followed by a sudden wave of worry. Ethan couldn’t take staring at news, how they are naming the storm  _ Amanda _ , the name was mundane and boring, not capturing the sheer destruction the storm  _ could  _ bring.

 

Ethan shook his head, sighing. He rubbed his hands on his knees, hearing sudden footsteps coming towards him. He didn’t turn around, only looking out into the windows, purple light hued within the dark sky.

 

“Ethan, have you seen Mark anywhere?” Bob asked, he turned his head around, trying to come up with a white lie.

 

“I—um—he… I don’t know.” He resisted the urge to do any of his nervous tics, Bob looked at him suspiciously. 

 

“The last time I saw him he said he’d gone to get some air.” Ethan said more confidently, seeing the worried look that exhibited on Bob’s usually calm face.

 

“Everyone is freaking out and wondering what’s going on.” Bob sighed, hands behind his head.”You sure you don’t know where he is?” Bob asked again, has he seen through his white lie? 

 

“No.”He shook his head, tapping his feet.”I haven’t.”

 

Mark owes him a solid, and a big one after this.

 

Bob dropped the question, he turned around, leaving the room with three strides. A sigh of relief left him, anxiety slowly leaving him. He trust Mark that he would get back  _ safely,  _ he trusts him. Mark could take care of himself, out into the dangerous storm to find  _ Jack,  _ some random guy.

 

He trusts him, he does.

 

Ethan suddenly gets an itch to call him, knowing full well the reception broken by the storm. He feels the outline of his phone on his pocket, feeling it as he tried to distract himself, anything. Mark’s behaviour during PAX has been rather  _ strange _ , then him  _ needing  _ to  _ save Jack. _ It linked, somehow, like a complex puzzle, with turns and corners.

 

Ethan heard voices get louder through the walls, demanding to go outside and demand to know what’s happening. A riot was brewing inside while a storm brew outside. Ironic. 

 

“You’re so stupid Mark.” He said to himself, trying to block out the sounds from the outside.

 

~~

 

_ 2 hours and 10 minutes _

 

A voice lured him into the deeper, flooded streets. Treading carefully on cold water, reaching up to his waist. 

 

He heard the voice again, loud but faint, roughly to the right. His heart quickened, the strings were starting to cut off. 

 

“Jack!” Mark was basically running in the water, splashing water to his shirt. He took heavy breaths, looking around. He blocked out the icy, cold water that dragged him down, the rain that berated him or the cold seeping in. He was just focused on getting him safely. 

 

Laughter, sinister, full of malice. Mark gritted his teeth, following the sound. The street lights flickered in the storm, creating an eerie, glowing amber. Mark kept moving his fingers, keeping the blood circulating around his body.

 

There it was again, the laugh that made his stomach sick. Eyes suddenly burning with fury, he dug his nails into his palms, the cold water stinging his palm.

“Jack… please, show me where you are.” The strings floated in the water, looping itself around Mark, glowing a weak, red light around him. It caught his attention, like the strings was protecting him. He heard a faint heartbeat, just fifty metres from him, it kept echoing and vibrating.

 

_ Come on Jack, you’re okay, you’re okay. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. _

 

_ 2 hours and 6 minutes _

 

“Told ya we would find someone lost in this fucking storm.” 

 

The words echoed inside his head, poisonous malice dripping in the voice. Mark could barely see through the heavy rain, he waded through the waters quietly, the water now shallow. The voice sounded like someone knew what they were doing, it only fueled the fire inside him even more.

 

“Aight, load him up in the car.”

 

He had to stop himself from swearing, he crept up near brick walls, water now reaching to his ankle. The water rippled as the heavy rain pelted the ground, he could feel the strings getting weaker. He looked to his right, a car, with headlights still on, quietly blasting early 2000’s music. Mark curled his hands into his fist, heavily breathing.

 

The heartbeat was louder, more clearer. The wind was pushing against him, he stood his ground, holding onto a wall to steady himself. He peeked from his position, seeing two silhouettes in the dark, flashlight in hand. While someone was tucking themselves in the corner, hands bound together behind him.

 

~~

 

_ 1 hour and 58 minutes  _

 

Jack looked out into the flooded streets, the water now to his waist. He was squirming, rope digging into his wrist, stinging him every second. He couldn’t see much through the heavy rain, only the ripples of the water. Though something bothered him, the way an irregular, larger ripple appeared on the water, it was way too big for rain.

 

“Stop fuckin’ squirming like a maggot.” The voice boomed, he looked at him, cold eyes into his sapphire ones. Jack felt tears prick his eyes, he looked down into the murky water, shivering.

 

“Fucking answer me.” The voice was calm but serious, cold like the waters, dripping with anger. Jack felt himself freeze. 

 

“S-sorry…” Jack’s voice quivered, his jacket flapping in the icy wind. Both of them laughed, like nothing was happening. Out of the corner of his eyes he spotted a figure, he looked back at the ground again.

 

“We’ve got company.” 

 

The figure turned out to be Mark, like a stupid idiot he was to save Jack. He kept looking down onto the ground, wriggling his hands to loosen the deathly grip.

Mark looked at him, just for a second, his stare holding a hot, flaming fire. 

 

“Excuse me Sir, this is none of your fuckin’ business, so why don’t you just move along and be a good dog.” One of the hooded man said, laughing. Shaky breaths escaped his lips, he needed heat, fast. He felt the grip the rope loosen with each second.

 

“I’m sorry, but I do think this is  _ my  _ concern.” Mark said, formally and loudly, but there was a certain  _ bite  _ to it. 

 

Why would he go all this way to save him?

 

The thought lingered in his mind, one of the hooded figures stepped forwards and smiling,  _ devilishly.  _ They both locked eyes for a second, he felt something in his heart click, like a key in a lock. He bite down on his tongue, fighting back words.

 

“So what are you going to do?” They yelled over the thunder, while Mark simply stood still, poised. 

 

“Are you going to kill us?” They took another step forward, something glinting in their hands, Jack’s heart leapt up to his throat. 

 

“So you can save this what, Prince Charming?” They mentioned Jack, pointing at him, he stared at the ground, silently sobbing in the rain.

 

_ This is all my fault  _

 

“Well, show me what you’ve got.” They ghosted their fingers around Mark’s shoulders, he brought his hands over his head, the rope still tied but now loose.

 

_ 1 hour and 55 minutes _

 

Jack sensed something brewing inside Mark, both hooded figures had knives—no—long machetes that hung loosely from their hands. Both of them sneered, while Mark was still and calm.

 

And then, everything suddenly happened too quickly. 

 

Mark ducked, avoiding the attackers swing. The taller figure managed to get a grip on Mark’s arm, but Mark simply shook it off, managing to stagger them. 

He landed a blow on the shorter figure, swearing as blood spilled out of their mouth. Jack could see the fire, the anger that fueled his inner flame. 

 

It was terrifying 

 

Both figures looked at each other, smiling. They brought out their machetes, laughing. He felt his lip bleed to stop himself from saying anything, he only watched from a far, as both figures tried to coordinate an attack. Their long machetes reflected the flickering street lights, taking a moment to look Mark, slowly approaching him.

 

“Now you’ve really pissed us off.” 

 

Mark took a step back, curling his fist into a ball. There was something that changed about him, he wasn’t the goofy, cheery Mark. No.

 

This was the type of Mark who was a skilled survivor. With quick reflexes he managed to break the attackers wrist, knocking the machete out of his hands. The other figure dived for Mark, laughing. He got Mark onto the ground, they were on top of Mark, blade inches away from his eyes.

 

He connected his fist to the bridge of their nose, grunting as Mark dived for the machete on the ground. He held the machete by the blade, using the handle to knock out the attacker who was on the ground. 

 

The remaining attacker looked at him, a horrified look on their face. They dropped their weapon in front of them, shaking. They sprinted to their partner, murmuring quiet words to them. 

 

“Fucking monster.” They mumbled, blood dripping down his chin. They managed to get their partner up, limping as they walked out of view. 

 

Then Mark looked at him like nothing happened.

 

~~ 

 

_ 1 hour and 50 minutes _

 

“Hey—Jack, you’re going to be okay.” He dropped near Jack, looking at him, getting lost in those ocean eyes. Mark shook his head,  his mind cloudy and hazy.

 

Blood hued with rain dropped from his forehead, he weakly smiled. The inner survivor in him seemed to have left him, replaced with the normal him, the one that cares too much…

 

Mark held out a hand, but Jack stood up, using the wall to support himself.

 

“Don’t touch me.” Jack breathed out, a pained looked painted across his face. It kept repeating inside Mark’s head, while he watched the other take weak steps away from him. 

 

“No, please Jack let me help-“

 

“I said don’t touch me.” Jack looked down on the ground, he was visibly shaking, tears dripping down his face. He needed heat, fast. Mark looked at the heartstrings that uncoiled itself from his fist, seemingly floating around both of them. 

 

“No, listen please-“

 

“No!” Jack boomed, staring at Mark. Jack bit down his lip, shaky sobs escaped his bleeding lip.”I didn’t fucking tell you to come for me! I didn’t fucking tell you to go and be a fucking  _ superhero _ just because you think  _ you _ can  _ change _ what you did to  _ me _ !” He was yelling, louder than the thunder that lit up the stormy night of the rain that pelted the roof.

 

_ 1 hour and 52 minutes  _

 

The icy wind was getting stronger, managing to rip out a whole branch off a tree. 

 

This wasn’t good.

 

Jack took a step forward, limping as hell threw a weak and slow punch with both of his hands tied together. It was a measly effort, while Jack threw another punch, much stronger this time. 

 

He let the hits take him, he knew he deserved it. 

 

“You!” He took a hit again.”Fucking!” And again.”Asshole!” 

 

“Jack-“

 

“You pathetic piece of shit!” The punches were getting stronger this time, as the heartstrings were glowing a weak red, floating around them.

 

“Please-“

 

“You worthless, egocentric, fucking piece of shit!”

 

He felt.. warm, the cold that storm grant seemed to have dissipated. All the tiny droplets of water was frozen in time, reflecting the warm glow the heartstrings radiated and Jack hitting him. The newspaper drifted in the wind was frozen, the plastic bag that was flying upwards was still. Everything was silent and still.

 

The very sand grains of the hourglass has stopped.

 

He turned his attention back to Jack.

 

“Hey, look at me.” He tried to get hold of Jack’s hands, but Jack just took it back instead.

 

“Don’t touch me.” The words were silent, his voice was quivering. His shaky tone filled the quiet night, not the sound of rain or thunder was heard. He could hear a pin drop.

 

“Jack, look at me, please...” His voice was soft and gentle, it caught Jack’s attention. Mark took a step forward, feeling the very vibrations of the heartstrings. He held Jack’s hands close to his chest. 

 

“I love you. I’m sorry, I can’t just take away what I’ve done to you—I’m sorry. And I can’t take back that night where you were standing right there while I made out with a random girl because I was way too drunk.” Mark paused, warm, hazel eyes locked into ocean, blue eyes. 

 

“I love you, okay?” Mark scoffed.”And I’m such an  _ egocentric _ ,  _ selfish _ ,  _ fucktard _ who only cares about  _ himself _ and I’m such a fucking  _ horrible _ person. But I love you, alright? I-I don’t care if you hate me, or the very universe itself is telling me to not love you or the gods will make me go through hell for loving you. But I love you.”

 

Mark smiled, wiping the tears from Jack’s cheek. Everything felt too warm, too close, despite the icy water or the winter wind. He could feel their heartbeats, slow and rhythmic, like a song, only made for them. 

 

“I’m sorry but...I love you, Jack. And there’s nothing you can say to make me stop.”


	15. there, nestled against his pulse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read ahead [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU) is the song that was playing when Jack and Mark were slow dancing and [this](https://youtu.be/sf0XLOloDaA) is the song that Mark was singing to Jack in the park (Dont judge me im like such a sucker for DBH)
> 
> anyways read on or something
> 
> were getting near the end (i think idk)
> 
> Kudos, comments and feedback is appreciated <3

 

_ “I’m sorry but I love you, Jack. And there’s nothing you can to make me stop” _

 

The words echoes throughout the silent night

 

He took a breath, cold and crisp, calming down from his childish tantrum. He didn’t realise the tiny droplets that were suspended in mid air, reflecting his ocean eyes. He didn’t feel cold… he felt… warm… too warm. The stormy sky was still, not a single sound was heard.

 

What the actual fuck?

 

Jack didn’t realise that he was close to Mark, he quickly blinked, making tears fall down his cheeks. The three words were in the top of his tongue

 

_ I love you _

 

But it remained stuck in his throat.

 

Feeling his heart slowly beat. He felt Mark’s hot breath against his skin, making his hair stand up, the way that a single tear rolled down Mark’s cheek made his breath hitch. The way Mark held his hand was soft, warm, gentle.

 

_ I love you _

 

“And I know that I can’t stare at the night sky with you, as I point out the constellations that blinked at us in the gentle night. Or the early, hot, summer  morning where we would but Frappuccinos from a stupid coffee shop.” He paused, Jack bit his lip, everything feels warm.

 

_ I love you  _

 

There was something about this moment, how it didn’t feel like the moment back in the parking lot. This, this feels real,  _ vulnerable _ ,  _ warm _ and  _ hot _ . There was a pull, something luring him into Mark’s warm, hazel eyes. Like they were somehow connected.

 

_ I love you _

 

“You forgot to cut the rope.” Jack said out of the blue, Mark looked at him for a second, dumbfounded.

 

“Oh, yeah.” He mumbled, grinning like an idiot, picking up the machete that laid still on the ground. Jack caught a glimpse of the red bracelet, made of red strings that were breaking at the seams.

 

_ I love you _

 

Jack took a step back, holding out his hand. He smiled to himself, realising the sheer amount of stupidity of the moment. The rope was slowly breaking, Mark cutting it off.

 

“I…” Jack paused, biting his lips. The rest of the words was still stuck in his throat. Mark tilted his head at him, managing to free Jack’s hands.

 

_ Love you  _

 

Jack wriggled his fingers, silently humming to himself. It felt good to not have your hands tied behind your back. 

 

“Jack you don’t have to say anything.”

 

”I…” He tried again, but he bit down in his lip again. 

 

_ Love you _

 

Jack took a step forward, burying himself in Mark’s shoulder.  _ His  _ warmth that he radiates,  _ his  _ warm hazel eyes,  _ his  _ clothes stinking of coffee,  _ his  _ warm breath that tickled his ear. Jack hugged himself, while Mark stood there in awe.

 

“I…” Jack heard the sound of the machete dropping to the ground, Mark hugging him tight.

 

_ Love you _

 

Jack felt the tiny cuts in Mark’s palm, murmuring sweet nothings to his ears. 

 

“I’m not leaving you.” Mark mumbled, kissing Jack’s wet hair.

 

“I…”

 

_ Love you _

 

Jack took a step back, slow, unlike the last time. He felt every tear that fell down his cheek, every tear that casted fractured glowing lights on his vision. Mark was doing the same, he looked at him, feeling his heart flutter.

 

“I’m so sorry.” 

 

“I…”

 

_ Love you _

 

Mark rubbed with the back of his hand, smiling at him. His other hand found Jack’s shaking hands, holding it firmly.

 

“You’re okay.” He said, inching his face closer, hazel eyes deep within ocean ones. Jack closed his eyes, his warm breath just in touching distance.

 

“I…”

 

_ Love you _

 

They touched their foreheads together, their heartbeat on sync, their shaky breathing was in line. He could feel Mark smile, he trusts him.

 

“I…”

 

_ Love you _

 

“Can’t…”

 

The words daunted Mark, he could feel the atmosphere change. His lungs started filling up with roses with sharp thorns, bloody forget-me-nots and ruined lilies. 

 

This is what he feared.

 

Jack took a sharp intake of breath, shaking, he took a couple of steps away from Mark, panic in his veins. 

 

He can’t breathe 

 

The flowers began to overflow, it looked like it was growing inside his mouth. Tears pricked his eyes, while Mark looked at him in horror, shaking. 

 

“Come on you’re okay—Jack please don’t leave me—you’re okay—you’re okay.” 

 

The words filled his ears, while flowers took over his body. He felt blackness slowly creep into his vision, he held his stomach, shaking.

 

He can’t breathe 

 

Then, time began to start again. The familiar feeling of rain bombarding him, the strong winds whipping past his face, the newspaper began to swirl, the plastic bag flew up.

 

Jack collapsed, back against the wall, he couldn’t throw up the flowers.

 

“Somebody help! Hang on—hang on Jack, you’re going to be okay.” 

 

He felt his eyelids grow heavier with each second.

 

“It’s okay sweetheart, come on—stay with me—open your eyes.”

 

He instead watched Mark, shaking in front of him, sitting down in the ground, panicking.

 

“It’s okay—we’re going to be okay—it’s going to be fine. Shit, shit, shit. Somebody help!”

 

It pained him to see Mark like this, helpless, crying out in the rain like a wounded animal.

 

“Come on babe, breathe for me. Hey—hey—hey you’re okay, you’re okay.”

 

He felt an icy tear fall down his cheek, before the flowers took over his lungs

 

He couldn’t breathe no more.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Is this what it feels like to have your life flash before your eyes? _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jack’s curly hair was dangling from his forehead, he was grinning, reaching up for the cookie jar on the top of the shelf. He was on his tippy toes, feeling his muscles strain, groaning. When will his growth spurt start? He’s always the smallest one in the family.

 

“I can’t get it.” He mumbled to himself, he crossed his arms, frowning. Jack suddenly tilted his head when he heard footsteps coming towards him.

 

“Jack, you’re being childish.” Her Mother said, her voice gentle and soft. Jack bit down on his lip to stop himself from smiling. 

 

“But I want my cookie jar…” He pouted, while his Mother simply threw him a smile.

 

“Jackaboy.” She muttered, taking the cookie jar.”You’re twelve.”

 

“Age is just a number, besides.” He took the cookie jar from her, grinning to himself.

 

“I’m an independent, twelve year old thank you very much.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ There he was, nestled against his pulse. _

 

_ Soft, quiet, keeping him alive _

 

_ “I’m sorry—I’m sorry—I’m sorry—I’m sorry.” _

 

_ He heard shaky breaths, feeling himself being carried. _

 

_ “Come on—you’re okay—you’re okay—you’re okay.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jack was beaming, he couldn’t keep a smile off his face. They were both swaying, slow and rhythmic, it reminded him of a rocking boat. Purple lights hued with light blue ones shone in their eyes. Mark was smiling, his hand holding Jack’s hand.

 

Mighty, soft, blue ocean eyes stared into the warm, chocolate and burning hazel eyes.

 

He couldn’t take his eyes off it.

 

“Ow!” Jack said over a cheesy slow dance song , feeling Mark step on his shoe. They were both laughing, while everyone else around them was slow dancing.

 

“I thought I was leading!” Mark muttered.

 

“No you idiot, I’m the one leading.” Jack took a step closer, taking a moment to regain his composure. Jack’s suit was a cheap rental, boring and repetitive Mark’s suit was clean, grey, with a little forget-me-nots in his tie.

 

It looks cute on him.

 

“Why are you blushing?” Mark asked, Jack felt heat rush to his cheek.

 

“N-nothing!” He said to quickly, Jack shook his head, wrapping his arms around Mark. 

 

“Let’s just sway, I think no one is batting an eyes on us since everyone is  _ literally  _ making out around us.” Mark said, turning his head to the popular power couple in school. They laughed, again, like idiots.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “I’m sorry, there is no signal in your current area. Please try again when your call service is better.” _

 

_ He heard a sob escape from Mark’s lips. _

 

_ “I’m sorry—I’m sorry—I’m sorry—“ _

 

_ “It’s all my fault.”  _

 

_ He felt cold, icy tears drip down on his cheek. _

 

_ “Hold on just a little longer Jack.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was  _ intoxicating _ , the way the strong cologne hung in Mark’s suit, the way  _ he _ smiled, the way  _ he  _ grinned at him, the way  _ his  _ eyes were soft, crinkling under the soft lights of blues and purple. Like it was just the two of them, being idiots in a slow dance.

 

“We shouldn’t have done this.” Jack mumbled, he buried himself in Mark’s shoulder. Letting the soft sways over of the music takeover his moment,

 

“This is stupid.” He said, voice muted. Mark smiled at him, holding his hand and kissing the back of it.

 

“Why?” Mark hummed.

 

“Because the song is overused, don’t get me wrong, the night we met is such a good song but like really? In this shitty school. Also everyone is just making out, like  _ literally  _ everyone is making out while we’re over here being stupid idiots.”

 

“So do you want me to kiss you?” Mark hummed, placing a kiss on Jack’s hair. He felt himself go red, he grumbled, but Jack smiled.

 

“N-no! You idiot! Kissing is disgusting and highly unhygienic! You know h-how many bacteria that inhabit your mouth, it m-makes me feel sick…” Jack trailed off, he looked back at Mark, biting his lip.

 

“You sound cute when you’re rambling.” Mark teased.

 

They both locked eyes, the music controlling their movement. They pressed their foreheads together, it feels too close…

 

“Well you look cute in that suit.” Jack teased, but his face was red.

 

“And when you’re kissing me.” He mumbled under his breath, Mark cupped his chin, eyes locked on.

 

“Then… kiss me.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “Somebody help!” _

 

_ It feels cold… too cold.  _

 

_ Jack was shivering, he wasn’t breathing, it would only be a matter of time before he would die. But still, he felt his heartbeat. _

 

_ He felt a familiar bracelet dig into his wrist. _

 

_ “Hey babe—it’s okay—it’s okay—it’s okay—it’s okay. Please be okay, please breathe, please open your eyes.” _

 

_ “Please forget about me.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


His lips was soft, the hint of pancakes hung on his lips, the punch that was served, he can taste it in his lips, the chocolate, the coffee. He can taste it in Mark’s lips, as he felt him smile into the kiss. Jack fluttered his eyes open, they were still inches apart, they both got lost in each other.

 

They lazily swung to the rhythm of the song, feeling the cold sweat that formed on his forehead. The silent humming from Mark, the red in Jack’s cheeks, his smile, both of their smiles.

 

It grounded him.

 

“I love you.” Mark hummed, biting his lower lip.

 

“I-” He paused

 

He couldn’t bring himself to say tt.

 

He still can’t today.

 

Jack felt a pang inside his chest, a hole slowly opening up inside him, he bit his lip, hard, everything was getting louder, the  _ whispers _ , the  _ laughter,  _ the  _ eyes _ that he felt on his back.

 

He named the hole insecurity.

 

He looked back at Mark, worry on his face. Mark reached out his hand, caressing his cheek with his thumb. Jack was sharply breathing, he tried to get lost in his eyes, but he couldn’t. Jack blinked back the tears, they both stopped.

 

“Hey—Hey, I’m right here.” Mark swallowed thickly, sensing Jack’s discomfort."I’m right here Jack, look at me, I’ll never leave you. Just focus on me.” He squeezed his hand.

 

But everything else around him was loud.

 

He could hear their tiny  _ whispers _ , their tiny _ insults,  _ their _ eyes _ . 

 

Jack stepped back, almost bumping into someone. His hands were shaking, anxious eyes kept looking around. Everyone was out  _ for _ him, like a prey in the open, everyone was staring.

 

He then looked back at Mark.

 

“Jack.” Mark said, soft and gentle. But the words didn’t reach his ears, getting lost in the crowd of hunters.

 

“I-” He paused, hands shaking, heart beating, it was getting harder to breathe, like flowers filling up in his lungs. 

 

“I can’t do this.” Tears, cold, icy tears fell down his cheek.

 

He stormed out, cutting through the crowd, feeling the cheap fabric on suits and dusty dresses. The insultw haunted his ears, following his every move.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ He wasn’t breathing _

 

_ Mark was still carrying him, in the storm. _

 

_ He then heard a familiar song, voice shaking. _

 

_ “Hold on just a little while longer.” Sobs were woven through the words. _

 

_ “Hold on just a little while longer.” _

 

_ “Everything will be alright.” _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jack was shivering in the darkness, his blazer fluttered in the wind. The words didn’t haunt his ears anymore, the eyes, the whispers was gone. Replaced by his silent footsteps on the footpath, the streetlights that casted shadows in the ground, the moths that danced around the light.

 

The hard cement was replaced with the soft grass, his shoes was dangling from his fingers, wet grass tickling his feet. It felt good, distracting him from reality, even if it’s just for a little while. He then looked up, the sky was alive tonight, it took his breath away, a gentle breeze flew past, rustling the leaves on the soft grass.

 

Stars, thousands, millions, billions, infinite. It all blinked at him, in the starry night, they were all bright, green, red, blue, all there. The arm of the milky way was shining, colourful, staring back at Jack. Tears pricked in his eyes, watching a shooting star fly past, a cosmic trail behind it.

 

But… they’re all dead, what he’s looking at is a mere echo, a fake, a facade, the stars have been dead for millions of years.

 

Jack bit his lip, he sat down in the soft patch of grass, not caring about the dirt that was smeared on his pants. 

 

Everything was a lie, a fake.

 

Like his life.

 

“Jack…” Mark’s voice was soft, comforting. It went well with the fake starry night that stared at him. He didn’t turn around, only pulling out the grass from the soil. 

 

“Hey.” Mark sat down beside him, his presence was awkward, disturbing. 

 

“You okay?” He asked. Mark took Jack’s hand, rubbing it reassuringly.

 

It kept echoing inside his head, the question people kept asking. Jack didn’t answer, only looking up.

 

“You see over there?” Mark pointed at the vast emptiness in the cosmos, pointing at a specific star. However, Jack didn’t answer, only keeping his emotions locked behind his ocean eyes.

 

“That's polaris, the north star.” Mark looked back at Jack, lips pressed into a thin line.

 

“It points to the north pole, always. I find myself looking at it when I’m lost, I stare into the empty cosmos and get lost. My dad would tell me stories about the star, how it’s actually a giant meteor heading to destroy Earth or how its going to blow up.” Mark laughed, filling the silent night.

 

“It’s beautiful really.” Mark hummed.”It’s just there, right in front of us.” Mark smiled, he really was a sucker for space.

 

“But the stars are dead.” Jack muttered, Mark looked at him. 

 

“They’ve been dead for millions of years, this.” Jack stood up, pointing to the night sky.

 

“This is fucking dead! This is a fucking lie! It’s not true! It’s fake! Pretend!” He yelled into the night,  longing intertwined with his anger, Jack thickly swallowed.

 

“It’s a lie…” His voice was soft, it made Mark’s heart break. 

 

“Hey — Hey.” Mark said, standing up and taking both of Jack’s hand. He stared into his eyes, breaking, glassy, holding longing in his eyes.

 

“It’s a lie, it’s not real.”

 

“It isn’t.” Mark took a step closer, wiping the tears from Jack’s cheek, the wind began to pick up.

 

“But does it matter? It doesn’t make the stars less beautiful.” Mark weakly smiled, looking at the icy tears that reflected the sea of the vass cosmos.

 

“I’m scared…” Jack sobbed, the words echoed between them. He looked at him, eyes like a broken mirror, holding broken memories, his stitched lips, holding words he might never speak.

 

“I’m here — its okay — its okay. I’m here, I’m never leaving, I’m staying, I’m not going anywhere.” Jack cried in his shoulder, while Mark murmed sweet nothings to him, telling him its going to be fine. 

 

“Hold on just a little while longer.” His voice was steady, calm, it was gentle and soft on Jack’s ears.

 

“Hold on just a little while longer.”

 

“Everything will be alright.”

 

Mark pressed a kiss on Jack’s messy hair, somehow soothing Jack’s shaky cries.

  
“Pray on just a little while longer.” 

 

“Everything will be alright.”

 

“Everything will be alright.” 

 

Mark began swinging to the song, while Jack kept sobbing. He could feel the wind pick up, Jack shivered in the wind.

 

“S-si-sing on just a little while longer.” Jack’s voice was unsteady, quavering. Mark hummed, drawing spirals and patterns on his back to soothe him.

 

“I’m here.” He whispered. Jack was nestled, there, against his pulse, quiet and still.

 

“Everything will be alright.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Jack could hear the erratic heartbeats of Mark. _

 

_ Nestled against his pulse, holding him close to his chest. As he waded through the water. _

 

_ “Babe _ _ — _ _ Babe _ _ — _ _ please answer me. Open your eyes, you’re not dead, you’re not dead.” _

 

_ “ _ _ Why are you doing this? Stop it _ _ — _ _ stop it _ _ — _ _ stop it _ _ — _ _ stop it.” _

 

_ “Please.” _

 

_ Silence _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imma do this again but follow me on tumblr @Blepbean srsly shout at me or somethin
> 
> the plot thickens
> 
> Will they survive in the storm?
> 
> Will Jack be okay?
> 
> Will I actually start working on my other fics that I have in store?
> 
> Find out in the next chapter!


	16. Heavy rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soz this took long, im kinda happy how this turned out actually. Love u peeps so much for reading this messy ass fic
> 
> Comments, feedback and kudos is appreciated <3

 

“Why are you doing this? Stop it—stop it—stop it.”

 

“Please.” 

 

_ Hold on just a little while longer _

 

He felt the icy water cling to his knees, dragging him down as he sobbed into Jack’s stomach. He felt the bloodied flowers over his forehead, the thorns of the roses, the wet flowers that fell to his lap. Mark couldn’t hear his shaky sobs over the loud sound of thunder and rain.

 

_ 1 hour  _

 

It felt as though time had to catch up on them

 

“You’re not dead sweetheart, wake up—wake up—wake up—open your eyes.”

 

_ Hold on just a little while longer _

 

Mark felt his nails dig into his palm, his body was freezing, shaking. Mark couldn’t feel the silent pulse of Jack’s heartbeat or his soft breathing. It made fear grip to his very body.

 

“Jack, Jack.” He paused, damp eyes looking around the storm, it seemed to have calmed down a little bit.

 

“Seán.” 

 

The heartstrings was crumbling, feeling it’s colour fade into the nothingness.

 

“Seán, please answer me.”

 

_ Hold on just a little while longer _

 

Silence. The cold wind whipped past them.

 

“Tell me that you’re alive.” He rubbed his damp eyes, sighing. He gripped his hand firmly, looking at his closed eyes.

 

_ Everything will be alright _

 

“Tell me—tell me that you’re not dead.”

 

He didn’t dare to look at the flowers that bloomed from Jack’s bloody mouth, he shook his head.

 

“This is just a prank right? Right?” He shakily laughed, biting his lip.

 

“Seán I already know this is a prank.” He looked around, still holding his hand.”Haha! This is very funny! You can stop hiding now Ethan!” He frantically looked around. He breathed in. “...Ethan?” 

 

_ Everything will be alright _

 

The storm replied with a thundering boom close by. He looked back down to his love in his arms; lips a tremble. 

 

“Seán…” His voice trailed off, hearing a strange sound amidst the storm, it sounded like a car.

 

“Seán this isn’t  _ fucking _ funny. Please… Just answer me.” He looked at Jack’s dead face again, cold, lifeless. Blood dripping down his mouth, along side of the flowers that bloomed from his mouth.

 

_ Fight on just a little longer  _

 

He said Jack’s name again, but now sound came out, it was only his lips calling his name as Mark shook his body, tears falling down onto Jack’s cheek. There was footsteps behind him, panicky and fast, rapid.

 

“Seán please.” His breathing was erratic, chin quivering as he tries to find ny life at all in the other’s face. He clung to the other, sobbing into his shoulder. The smell of withering flowers, fresh rain and blood hung in the air.

 

“I’m sorry—I’m sorry—I’m sorry—I’m sorry.” He gripped Jack’s shoulders tighter, holding onto it, the words still echoing. 

 

“Jesus fucking Christ Mark!” He heard Ethan yell, he didn’t turn around though, he doesn’t want to see anyone’s face right now. He heard the splashing of the water get louder. It eventually stopped close to him. 

 

_ Fight on just a little while longer _

 

“Mark… buddy…” Ethan’s voice was soft, but could still be heard amidst the storm. He kneeled near Mark, putting a hand on his shoulder, but he flinched away.

 

“Don’t touch me.” Mark’s voice was quivering, scared.

 

“Just tell me what happened.” 

 

Mark swallowed thickly, he held Jack still. Still not facing Ethan.”Se-Jack’s dying, he needs to get rushed to the hospital.” Mark bit his lip.”But the storm and-“

 

“Can I see him?” He saw him stiffen for a second, before standing up and holding Jack bridal style. His gaze went to Jack, his body was lifeless, dead. He didn’t look unconscious, no. Jack’s eyes were closed, bloodied flowers filled his mouth. But he couldn’t shake off the strange feeling, like he couldn’t see the bigger picture.

  
  


_ Fight on just a little while longer  _

 

Ethan looked at Mark’s fearful eyes, tears that could be rain fell from his cheek, he didn’t look at Ethan.

 

“Mark.” Ethan quietly stood up, taking a step forward, biting his lip. Ethan out his hand out, hand shaking. The sound of thunder and rain filled the deadly silence. He took another step, letting his hand rest on Jack’s chest. 

 

His heart wasn’t beating

 

_ Everything will be alright  _

 

“He isn’t.” Ethan paused, looking at Mark. He’s scared, both of them were scared.

 

“He’s dead.” 

 

The word echoes to Mark’s ears, loud and deafening. He shook his head, taking a step back. He bit his lips until bloody.

 

“No—no he’s not...”

 

“Mark-.”

 

“Ethan he’s  _ not _ fucking dead!”

 

“Listen to me-”

 

“It’s okay sweetheart, you’re okay—you’re okay.”

 

“Mark you have to understand that he-“

 

_ Everything will be alright  _

 

“He’s not dead…” Mark’s voice trailed of, shaking his head. He placed a kiss on Jack’s forehead, eyes filled with tears hue with rain stared at him. 

 

Mark swallowed thickly.”He’s not dead.” He paused for a beat.”Jack’s not dead, I-I have a feeling that he’s not dead.” 

 

“Mark-“ The wind suddenly got stronger, almost making Ethan lose his balance. The rain started to feel like bullets hitting him, he looked back at Mark.

  
  


_ Sing on just a little while longer _

 

“Let’s get somewhere safe.” Ethan muttered, weakly smiling at him but it didn’t do anything to lift the mood. Ethan waded through the shallow water, shivering as the cold whips of the wind brushed past him. But kept a steady pace, holding Jack close to his chest. It looked like the storm wasn’t doing anything to him.

 

But then, in the distance. He saw a faint glow of a yellow light.

 

Ethan quickened his pace, the water soaking every bit of his skin. He was panting, heaving. While Mark was silent, murmuring words to Jack. 

 

_ Sing on just a little while longer _

 

“You’ve changed.” Ethan said, but Mark didn’t reply to him. The cackles of the sky filled the silence, they were close now, hearing the silent hum of the engine.

Ethan quietly counted the steps it took to get close to his car, the thunder that lit up the night sky and the-

 

He heard Mark cry in the storm, loud. Ethan bit his lip, turning his head to see him, sitting down in the street, Jack close to his chest. He was ten metres away from Ethan, ten metres too long.

 

And beneath the jacket that Mark threw over Jack to keep him warm, under his wrist, flowers grew on his veins.

 

_Sing on just a little while_ _longer_

 

He felt his legs carry him, feeling his muscles strain. He panted, yelling. Everything felt hazy, with the rain soaking up the light, the shallow water that clung to his ankles, it felt like it was dragging him down to the depths of the ocean.

 

Ethan paused, letting his heart settle for just a moment. He took a step forward, nearing the gap beneath them. It’s a metre now, but the metre is too long.

 

“Mark, its okay — its okay — its okay. Look at me, look at me.” 

 

But the words didn’t reach his ears, he kept crying, cradling Jack in his chest. It took everything in him to keep himself together. He kneeled, putting a hand on Mark’s shoulder. 

 

Mark swallowed thickly.”He’s–he’s dead.” 

 

Ethan shook his head, looking at the blooming flowers in his Jack’s veins.”No, you said he’s not dead right? Come on, we need to get him to the ER.”

Mark paused, he knew how he was acting irrational. He bit his lip.”Ethan he’s dead-”

 

_ Everything will be alright  _

 

“Mark  Fischbach.” He said loudly, Mark stopped sobbing.”I know he’s not breathing or his heart is not beating but what I know is that there is some woogy boogy magic happening and this is not how a corpse would be like.” Mark looked at him, the humour breaking the ice.

 

Ethan weakly smiled at him, despite the chaos going on around them.”So you are going to stop being a fucking idiot, go to the car and drive to the nearest hospital and rush him to the ER.” 

 

Ethan shivered, blocking the icy wind that blew on his face.”We could have been to the hospital minutes ago if I could call but the storm is ruining everything. So Mark Fischbach you stupid fucking idiot loser piece of shit stop sobbing about your boyfriend and save his life.”

 

The tears in his eyes looked like crystals, reflecting the headlights of the car and the tiny droplets that dropped to the ground, but in the middle of his iris was a tiny thread of red string, Ethan could barely see it. It took a moment before Mark stood up, looking at Jack’s face.

 

_ Everything will be alright _

 

Ethan stood up seconds ago.”It’s worth a shot.” Mark looked at him, he looked like the same person who comforted him when his dog died or helped him calm down from a panic attack.

 

He’s like a brother to him

 

“Now let’s go, we need to save your boyfriend right?” Ethan grinned at him, the grin reminding him of a child, optimistic and carefree. Mark threw a weak smile at him, before taking a step forward, feeling the water seep into his socks, the icy wind blowing past and the icy bullets that rained from above.

 

_ 45 minutes _

 

Mark kept looking at Jack’s face, ignoring the wind that gets stronger with each second. There was a longing, a pang inside his chest, twisting and turning. The flowers that bloomed from his mouth, the blood that stained his hands. 

 

This was all his fault

 

He bit his lip til bloody, treading carefully through the storm. He ignored the frigid sensation that ooze through his body, he was shaking, but he kept a steady hold on Jack. He looked over to Ethan, blocking out the harsh winds with his arms, taking careful steps forward.

 

This was all his fault

 

The heartstrings was fading, intertwined with his fingers, flapping in the wind. It was all too much, the weight of Jack in his hands was starting to get heavier with each second.

 

_ butthiswasyourfaulthowcouldyoudothistohimhowcouldyoukillhimlikethisyoushouldn’tlive- _

 

“Mark!” Ethan yelled, he snapped out of his thoughts, blinking the tears from his eyes. He lost himself for a second, he looked around the dark storm. 

 

“Get Jack inside the car, make sure he’s safe. This is going to get bumpy.” He motioned to the car, the headlights illuminating the thousands of raindrops that fell. How could Ethan act this calm? He nodded his head, the hole inside his chest slowly consuming him.

 

_ thiswasallyourfault _

 

He managed to open the door, feeling his muscles strain he carried Jack inside. Mark was steady and careful, he bit his lip as he catched a glimpse of the growing flowers in his veins. He climbed inside, pulling the seat belt for Jack when he caught a glimpse of Ethan’s face on the rearview.

 

He looked terrified, sacred. Unlike moments ago, he was smiling and telling Mark to pick himself up. His eyes was swimming an emotion, raw and powerful. Something unknown. The cold was seeping inside the car, the air was still and quiet. The silence was filled with the rain hitting the roof of the car and the roars of thunder. 

 

Mark watched his knuckles go white, gripping the steering wheel. He could hear Ethan’s shaky breaths, how he was shaking. There was a taint of melancholy in his eyes.

 

“Hey.” Ethan’s voice rang in the loud silence. He loosened the grip of the steering wheel, controlling his breathing. Ethan waited a beat, looking out into the darkness, the headlights doing nothing.

 

“It’s going to be okay, were going to save him. He’ll be fine.” He smiled at the rearview mirror. Mark heard the click of the seat belt, rubbing his eyes as he heard the car of the engine cough. He didn’t pay any attention to the sound of the engine sputtering to life, he looked over to Jack, ocean eyes closed, flower petals dropping on his lap. His head was rested on Mark’s shoulder.

 

The sudden motion of the car pulled him gaze away, clicking his seatbelt into place, the pang was getting bigger now, pulling him into cold thoughts.

 

_ youreafuckingmurdereryousickfuckyoukilledhimyoukilledhimyoukilledhim _

 

_ youbrokehimyousickfuckyoudidthistohimyoudidthistohim- _

 

A quiet tune pulled him out of his dangerous mind, he felt Ethan’s gaze from the mirror. He looked at Jack’s pocket, noticing his phone. He pulled it out, the sound was corrupted but was recognisable. His phone was lucky to survive the cold waters, Mark had to bit his tongue to stop a sob.

 

It was the slow and steady tune of strums of the guitar, the sound quality was bad because of the water. But he could remember where it came from, lazy, winter mornings in Jack’s room. Jack wore his jacket that was too big for him, he rested his head on his shoulder, humming. The quiet, soft and peaceful sounds of the guitar filling the cold room. They would sit there for hours, Mark playing the guitar and Jack humming the chords.

 

Jack recorded it and still has it to this day

 

He listened to it 

 

The thought made his eyes teary, making his throat itchy. He blinked, feeling blood in his tongue. 

 

“This was all my fault.”

 

Mark made Jack broken

Jack looked broken, the flowers took over his body.

Broken

 

  1. _(of a person) having given up all hope; despairing._



_ "he went to his grave a broken man" _

 

Mark let the tears fall down, he could have stopped this. He put a hand over his mouth to silence his sobs, tears splashing to his lap. The air around him suddenly felt like ice, freezing him. 

“I love you.” Was all he choked out, as he felt the sheer impact of the rented honda crash into a tree. Knocking him out.

_ I love you _

_ 30 minutes _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I love Ethan so much, imma give him a character arc thingo so like just watch out for that <3


	17. Second chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H O M O P H O B I A A L E R T this chapter focuses on Jack’s flashbacks and the night that Mark cheats on him and stuff
> 
> Apologies, this took way too long and is probably messy but like it’s here! I don’t really know how to feel about this chapter tbh
> 
> Kudos, comments and feedback is appreciated <3

_ “It’s going to be okay, we’re going to save him. He’ll be fine.” _

 

_ The sound of rain filled his ears, but it was getting quieter, more distant. _

 

_ “This was all my fault.” The voice sounded shaky, the sound the soothing sounds of the guitar played in the background. _

 

_ “I love you.” _

 

_ The three words still rang inside his head. _

 

“Jack, baby. You okay?” Mark asked, holding a can of beer in his hands. Jack blinked, they were in a party, he must have had a blank moment, he shook his head. The stench of sweat, beer was abundant in the air, it was suffocating, but he came here for Mark. He bit his lip, looking deep into his chocolate eyes.

 

“Sorry, I zoned out for a second.” Jack said, quiet enough for Mark to hear. He looked around the kitchen, the area harbouring fewer people. He eyed the drunken couple making out few feet away from him. Mark grinned at him.

 

“You wanna do that?” Mark teased, which made him chuckle and his cheek red. But it sounded familiar, like he heard it before, everything around him felt familiar, it was odd…

 

“Mark, I think you’ve had enough to drink.” He smiled, the loud and heavy sounds of an overrated song was starting to jar his head, he hid his discomfort as he buried his face in Mark’s warm chest, the beer that clung to Mark was unusually comforting. 

 

“I’ve only had two cans of beer Jackaboy, ‘m fine.” Mark said in a sing-songy tone, the nickname made Jack blush. Mark chuckled, setting down the bottle of beer on the counter. He ruffled Jack’s hair, smiling at himself.

 

“Hey, thanks for coming with me to Ethan’s party.” He lifted Jack’s chin, suddenly getting lost in those ocean eyes.”I know that you’re not fond of parties where everyone gets wasted and someone almost dies.” He laughs, Jack pouts at him.”I just wanted to say thanks…”

 

“Why are you thanking me?” Jack asked, he felt Mark’s warm breath on his skin, making him shiver. His head was starting to pound more with the increasing voices and the loud music, but one look into those  _ chocolate  _ eyes told him he’s going to be fine.

 

“For being the best boyfriend and just being cute overall.” Mark teased, not sure if the alcohol was talking. He wrapped his arms around Jack and kissed him, it was quick, but it was a cute gesture that sent butterflies to his stomach. It made him forget about the party for a moment, telling him he’s going to be okay. He buried his face in Mark’s chest,  _ his  _ smell and warmth made him smile.

 

“Fucking Faggots.” It took Jack by surprise, he suddenly had the urge to curl into a ball and never leave. He bit his lip, holding onto Mark.

 

“Baby, it's okay. Just ignore them, I’m right here.” Mark said quietly, he looked behind him, it was one of the drunk couples who were giggling and making out. It made him sick in the stomach, he kissed Jack’s forehead, feeling Jack smile.

 

They stayed like that for a moment, in their own little bubble, drowning out the hateful world. Mark holding Jack close to his chest, murmuring sweet nothings to his ears while slowly rocking themselves.

 

The world can be ignorant.

 

The strong, pungent smell of liquor quickly hit their nose. Jack took a step back, looking downwards while Mark threw on a quick smile. He missed Mark’s touch, the sounds and the smell was suddenly getting to him. He looked out into the kitchen window, his warm, sapphire eyes reflecting the moon and the stars.

 

“Markimooo~ your birthday boy is here.” Jack suddenly realised who the voice was, it was slurry, but he wasn’t completely wasted. Ethan wasn’t a lightweight. Mark looked at his best friend and gave him a hug, Ethan smiling. But there was something unknown deep in Ethan’s eyes, it was concealed, hidden. Jack could see it, but he couldn’t understand it.

 

“Ethan, my boy.” Ethan laughed, filling the whole room. People looked at Ethan and gave him a quick wave. Jack stood there awkwardly, smiling at them. Mark put some distance between them, clearly uncomfortable.

 

“Dude, you are a living beer can. You stink, you sure you can handle it this time? Remember what happened last time.” Mark raised an eyebrow at him like a disappointed father, while Ethan laughed. He smiled at both of them, they treated each other like siblings.

 

“Excuse me?” Ethan lazily pointed a finger at Mark, few inches away from his nose.”I’m sure I can handle my alcohol. Dad.” Ethan booped Mark’s nose, chuckling.

 

“You not my dad!” Both of them were laughing, clutching their stomach. Jack suddenly felt like he was intruding a moment, he looked around the kitchen, seeing a few people look at him, whispering dirty secrets. It made him sick in the stomach, twisting and churning. He bit his lip.

 

“Hey Jack.” He suddenly realised that Mark was looking at him, but Ethan looked at him, something  _ unknown  _ hidden in his eyes.

 

“You’re biting your lip again, its bleeding. You okay?” Mark said, his tone was soft and quiet. His eyes full of concern. Jack wiped the blood with the sleeves of his jacket, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Mark took a step forward, but Ethan stopped him, gripping his arm.

 

“Dude, me and some other special and invited guests are having a private drink in a private area where no one can find us since we’re, very, very private.” Ethan was starting to slur his words more, it made Mark worried, Jack could see it.

 

“And you sir, are invited!” He threw his hands up in the air, while Mark awkwardly laughed. Mark sent Jack a quick look, while Jack smiled, nodding. Ethan is probably going to end up in a bin when he wakes up.

 

“Jack are you-“

 

“I’ll be fine.” Jack cuts him off, he grins at him.” Make sure he doesn’t die or somethin’.”

 

”But…”

 

“Really, Mark. I’ll be fine, I’ll go find some new friends or probably sit in a corner.” Jack took a step forward, touching the back of his neck.”But I need a goodbye kiss first.” 

 

Jack grabs Mark’s waist, closing the gap between then. His cheeks were burning red, he gives Mark a quick kiss.

 

“Okay knock it off guys! Get your own room!” His words were slurred, making Mark increasingly worried. Ethan stumbles forward, splitting them apart. He grabs Mark by the arm tightly, his eyes reflecting the disco lights coming from the next room.

 

“We are leaving, goodbye Jack~ He’s mine now for a couple of hours.” Ethan laughs, taking Mark with him. He shoves a random person forward, yelling at them. Jack saw the look of embarrassment on Mark, when Ethan takes a beer can from the stranger and downs it down in one swing.

 

“Sorry about that.” Mark rushed his words, before they both disappeared into the crowd. Jack chuckled at his amusement, they were like siblings. Jack feels a sudden pang of regret, he feels out of place, awkward, like an alien. He holds his forearm with his other hand, his eyes looking down.

 

Mark was like a filter, blocking out the real world, their smell of sweat and dirty whispers. He swallows his stitched heart in one whole and it almost broke him apart, heart heavy he starts to hear  _ everything. _

 

_ “What a fucking loser.” _

 

_ “I heard the faggot is being cheated on.” _

 

_ “What’s a gay guy doing here?” _

 

_ “You think he’s going to try to kiss you?” _

_ “Eww no what the actual fuck.” _

 

_ “He looks so out of place…” _

 

_ Their  _ words started to pound into his brain, words digging itself deep, deep enough to make scars. He bites his lip, nails digging into his forearm. The music was starting to make his head spin. It reminds him back on the dance, he feels his heart weigh down. 

 

_ Mark, Mark I’m scared.  _ He hears his very thoughts say, but he looks up. He’s not there, shaky breaths escape his mouth, his tears eyes reflecting the flickering lights.

 

Taking all of his courage he walks out of the room with four strides, his chest pounding with pain. Jack keeps looking down, seeing the shoes of strangers, it was growing, he can’t handle people.

 

Because he’s weak.

 

He lets his own thoughts, his very demon take control of his fragile heart. The whispers were getting more louder. He moves past people, biting his lower lip as he squeezes through the living room.

 

“Sorry.” The word barely escapes his lips, his lips quivering. He keeps saying it as he bumps into someone, not knowing about the very demon that’s controlling his heart with puppet strings.

 

It’s getting more difficult to breathe, he was only focused on getting out. The demon kept playing games with him, he either ruins himself or the demon attaches his heart with strings and plays games with it.  _ Their _ eyes, hot and cold, piercing his back. 

 

The smell of sweat and alcohol that radiated from the sea of people, it was suffocating him. The area was getting more crowded, he could hardly breathe. Jack clutched his hands near his beating heart, clinging to the memories he had with Mark, early morning spend lazing in bed with the sounds of the guitar, the way Mark comforted him in the park while the stars blinked at them. 

 

He held the memories close to him, like a lifeline.

 

The disjointed sea of drunken people with drunken laughter, the foul smell of alcohol and cigarettes, the blasting sounds of a pop song and the  _ dirty  _ whispers sound was making his head hurt. He fiddled with the bracelet made of red strings that hung loosely around his wrist, it brought him some comfort. Jack kept squeezing between people, trying to settle his storms of his emotions inside his stitched heart. 

 

_ Did Mark keep his bracelet?  _ The thought kept weighing inside his mind.

 

He felt the leveling of the floor suddenly change, he felt a relief come over him, but it didn’t last long. The blinking, light were shining in his blue eyes, making his eyes hurt and strain. But the  _ dirty _ whispers never left him though.

 

Jack didn’t hesitate as he pulled the knob of the front door, swinging it open as he stepped outside. He gasped, feeling the sweat in his forehead. He quickly blinked, making sure the tears didn’t fall. He could still hear the loud sounds coming from inside, but it was much more mangable. Jack felt the porch creak beneath his feet.

 

He felt a lump in his throat, where was Mark? There was callous conversations and laughter, the smell of drunk high schoolers was weaker outside. Did he leave him? Did he not care about him? Jack shook off the dark thoughts that clouded his stormy mind. 

 

Jack still kept his head down, hands clutched near his chest, fiddling with his bracelet. He looked at the green grass, illuminated by the moon hiding behind the clouds. But it didn’t nothing as the words buried inside his head.

 

“Hey!” Someone shouted, they hurled an empty can of beer at him, hitting him in his head. The impact made his head throb with pain for a moment. Jack paused, eyes full of tears but daring not to let them free.

 

“Where’s your little sugar daddy gone?” They teased, the tone was mocking. Jack heard the stifled giggles and the stares that pierced his fragile heart. It took everything in him to let everything  _ unravel _ , to let himself fall apart.

 

If only Mark was here.

 

_ Mark left you.  _ The voice in the back of his mind whispered, taunting and quiet. It made his stitched heart fall apart, he choked back a sob.

 

Jack quickened his pace, he walked forward, hearing the sounds of laughter that made his heart bleed. He placed a hand over his mouth to stop any sobs from coming out, cold, icy tears rolled past his hands. He can’t fall apart now, he would be  _ weak _ , a  _ coward _ .

 

It was breaking his soul to be like this, the lonely moon was dimming its light, the shadows slowly disappearing. Jack couldn’t hear their insults, couldn’t feel their stares anymore. But it was still on his mind.

 

_ Mark… _

 

Quickly he fumbled with his phone, fingers shaky as he called for Mark. Jack bit back his sobs, the long, drawn-out pauses between each ring was daunting, filling him with dread. The phone weighed heavy in his hand as each step felt heavier than the rest.

 

“Hey, you’ve reach Markimoo, like  _ the  _ awesome Markimoo. I’m probably doing something really awesome or stupid so like leave a message after the beep.” He would’ve laughed at the voicemail, but instead it just made tears splash into the concrete.

 

“Mark, please help me.” He paused for a second, his tone was shaky, filled with  _ everything  _ yet  _ nothing. _ ”I’m scared, I-I need you. I left Ethan’s party and I don’t know where you are. I’m walking home.” Jack sobbed, eyes swelling up with tears, there was a hole being ripped inside his heart.

 

“I need you.” His voice sounded lost, broken. 

 

He ended the call, staring into the dark screen of his phone. He was shaking, breath hitched, damp tears on his cheeks. The steps felt longer, more heavier. 

 

“Jack.” A familiar voice said, he quickly snapped out his mind, wiping the tears from his cheeks. Jack looked up, it was Ethan. He didn’t look wasted like Jack thought he would. He just realised the dark circles beneath his eyes, but the eyes held something hidden in his iris, a hidden emotion, cold and dark, longing and lost, guilt and heartbroken. It reminded him so much of—

 

“I’m-I’m sorry.” He muttered, voice a little slurred. He walked past jack without a thought, the words left him with questions without answers. He turned around to see Ethan, his pace was slow, back hunched over. 

 

Jack bit his lip, feeling the cold, autumn wind brush by. A single tear dropped into an orange leaf, crunching beneath his feet. He wished he could pull the emotion that swirled in Ethan’s eyes.

 

He took a deep breath, wiping his wet face. He’s fine, breathe. 

 

The hole slowly closed, but it was still open, but small. The demon that held his heart like puppet strings has vanished. He feels the cold wind whipping past him, hearing the sounds of cars going past and the silent whispers of the trees.

 

Breathe.

 

That’s what Mark told him to do.

 

The storm of his emotions were settling, he swallowed thickly. He looked around his surroundings, he hasn’t gone that far. But Jack was approaching the dodgy neighbourhood of his area, the houses looked abandoned, with no sign of love. The cars were sloppily parked, like the they were in a hurry. It was eerie, how the streetlights were dimming with each second.

 

Something didn’t  _ feel  _ right.

 

Jack had the sudden urge of calling Mark, would he pick up? Surely he’s okay. Before he could answer the question himself he heard  _ laughter _ ,  _ drunken laughter _ from a distance _.  _ He recognised that laugh, the kind of laugh that made your cheeks hurt…

 

Mark’s fine

 

Without thinking he plunged into the dodgy neighbourhood, hearing the barks of nearby dogs as he went past a house. Something swirled inside his chest, something told him a piece was out of place. Why was Mark in this dodgy neighbourhood? He thought they would be in the backyard…

 

A million thoughts ran through his mind, as the conversations were getting louder. He stood above a streetlight, looking up to see the moths drawn to the light.

 

_ Mark’s fine _ . He told himself, hearing the leaves get picked up by the wind. 

 

But then a sudden sound startled him, making him jump. Fear went through his veins, it came not far from here.

 

“Mark.” Jack managed to mumble out of his stitched lips, he followed the growing laughter, feeling his heartbeat out of his chest. He kept counting his steps, quick and steady. One, two, three.

 

Four, five, six. He felt his breath hitch, Why was he nervous? It’s jut high schoolers getting drunk.

 

Seven, eight, nine. The bracelet around his wrist gave him comfort. The smell of beer and the crisp, cold air was twisting around him.

 

Ten, eleven, twelve. He could hear the voices clearly, now. There was five, four unknown voices and Mark drunken with laughter. Jack felt his heart suffocating him, an unknown feeling, an uncertainty on the outcome. He was just getting him home, right? 

 

He paused, he was near an alleyway, where the voices were coming from. A sudden sound of a beer bottle was piercing, loud. He felt his heart leap.

 

Thirteen, he took on final step, he was out in the open. The foul smell of beer, garbage and vomit hung in the air, he bit down in his lip as he watch everything unfold.

 

Three strangers were chanting, laughing. Their voices slurred, almost like they were rambling. Mark was in the middle, pressing a random girl with blonde hair to the wall. Their noises were disgusting, making Jack’ eyes widen. Mark didn’t pay any attention to him, he just kept making out with a random girl, both of them were intoxicated with poison.

 

_ Lust _

 

“Mark…” It was barely above a whisper, drowned from the sounds of laughter and chanting. It was like how he said Mark was a sound of his heart breaking, tearing apart. His dull, lifeless blue eyes kept staring at Mark. Shaky sobs escaped his mouth, hot tears flowing down his cheeks.

 

The storm was brewing again,  _ stronger _ , more  _ powerful _ . It took control of him, every part of his body. Making it through his body, it was hurting him. He felt too much. 

 

“Mark.” Jack whispered, voice shaky. He reached out with his right hand, looking at his bracelet, made out of red string. His whole body was shaky, he bit his lip. 

 

When suddenly his bracelet seemed to have uncoil itself, growing for miles. His eyes widened, his surroundings was shattering into saturated images made from fog, colourful and vibrant, it began to hurt his eyes. The foul smell that hung in the air was gone, the sounds of drunk high schoolers vanished and the sight of the dodgy neighbourhood disappeared.

 

Jack was suddenly floating, like he has just been plunged into deep waters. Images, colourful and vibrant reflected into his ocean eyes. Each one he recognised, lazy mornings with Mark, the night in the park, summertime madness. It was all his memories, staring right back at him. He bit his lip, thoughts and questions running inside his mind.

 

It took about one second for all the saturated, vibrant, bright colours to explode into his vision.

 

He felt tears prick into his eyes, he blinks them away. Jack suddenly looks in front of him, there was a red string, long, like it goes on forever. He could see the tiny frayed string from it. It’s floating right in front of him, in the middle of the sea of colours. It’s the bracelet that Mark gave him, it uncoiled in front of him into a long piece of string. 

 

Does Mark still have his?

 

Hesitantly he reached its his right hand, holds onto the red string and grips it tight. He suddenly gasps, like he’s out of breath.

 

He remembers what happened

 

_ Mark… he’s in trouble  _

 

He wanted to scream, to say anything. But the words were stuck in his throat, like the place where he’s in stops him from saying anything. 

 

Tears flow down his cheeks

 

_ It’s all my fault _

 

He suddenly hears something, it’s quiet, slow. It’s a heartbeat, its in sync with his. It feels… warm, pounding on his ears. It’s Mark’s heartbeat.

 

_ Mark, come on buddy.  _

 

His blood ran cold, as blue flowers seemed to grow on the string. Voices, dirty whispers from  _ the _ night kept repeating into his ears. Jack ignored it, he ignored the tears falling down his face. The fog was starting to disappear, as the blue flowers grew on the red string.

 

_ Mark, please… _

 

He pulls, pulling his body along into the direction where the string was going. With each touch of his hands flowers grew, shaky breaths escaped his mouth. He kept pulling, holding on for dear life. The sounds of the guitar from the lazy mornings kept playing inside his head, he could remember the scent of coffee, laying his head against Mark’s shoulder as he hummed along.

 

_ Mark, we can do that again.  _

 

Flowers, roses, forget-me-nots, daisies, all tainted with blue. It bristled against his skin, but he ignored it. He kept pulling himself up, but the flowers were catching up, with each touch of his fingers it would bloom. His eyes widened, Jack felt the strain of his muscles as he pulled faster.

 

_ Mark _

 

All the images were getting corrupted, twisted. The flowers grew on the images too, the vibrant, colourful and bright colours was disappearing, fast. Jack kept staring forwards. It would take one mistake, one centimetre for him to fail. The universe has given him a second chance.

 

_ Mark… I’m scared… _

 

Jack suddenly yelled, his hand missing the string by a centimetre. His mind drifted off for a second, he looked behind him. There was… nothing, pitch black, darkness, nothing. The void, the nothingness, where not even the brightest light could reach it. Then he looked at his hands, it was blooming, illuminating with an eerie blue.

 

_ I’m sorry _

 

He quickly managed to save himself with his other hand, he quickly fell back into the rhythm. His eyes kept reflecting the dying, vibrant colours of his memories. Jack could feel the rush of adrenaline, he pulled himself faster, nearer into the bright light in front of him. He chuckled, tears pricking his eyes. Jack would be able to save Mark, he would fix everything, he would fix this mess.

 

_ Mark, hang on. _

 

The tainted flowers were growing faster, but he was close, close to fixing everything. The tears on his cheeks was warm against his skin, it held emotions, strong, vibrant. He’s going to be okay, he’s going to be fine. Jack could feel it in his veins, in his bones. The bright light was shining, it was close, so close. 

 

He reaches forward, before the flowers does.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ 15 minutes _

 

Jack gasps. It felt like the wind was knocked out of him. 

 

He’s fine, he’s alive.

 

His vision is hazy, swimming. His head is aching, his body feels fragile, weak. He coughs, covering his mouth with his hand. His throat feels like it’s burning, raw. He looks at his blood stained hand, its a petal, a tiny petal of rose, its tainted with blood. 

 

He’s fine.

 

The sound of the rain hitting the roof of the car sounded like bullets, it was loud, filling the air. Distant sounds of the sky cackling was weaved in with his soft breaths. He shivered, the cold seeping through the car. Jack suddenly realised the jacket that was thrown over him, it still has the scent of chocolate.

 

It’s Mark’s Jacket.

 

He looks around frantically, he notices the windshield is cracked, the front of the car has been split in half by an oak tree. Ethan was in the front seat, his head on the air bag. He could see the blood trailing down on Ethan’s head. Jack looks to the side, Mark was there.

  
He was shaking, tears dripping down his cheeks. It’s hot against his cold skin. He bites on his lower lip to stop any sobs escaping. Shakily he unbuckles his seat belt, gently touching Mark.

 

“Mark…” He managed to let out, it’s barely above a whisper. The sounds of thunder and rain drowning Jack’s voice. He unbuckles Mark’s seat belt. He looks at Mark, there was more blood on trailing down his head than Ethan, he was holding Jack’s phone, tightly. 

 

“Mark, it’s going to be okay — you’re going to be okay.” He feels his heart break as he pries his phone out of Mark’s hand, he turns it on, dead. 

 

_ 14 minutes _

 

“Sweetheart, can you hear me?” His voice is breaking, Jack closes his eyes, leans over to open the door. Jack budged the door, it won’t open . Jack feels panic rise over him, he takes shaky breaths as he looks back at Mark.

 

“We’re going to get out of here, you hear me?” Jack hastily checks the other door, he budges, it won’t open. He looks out of the window, it’s pitch black, seeing only rain fall past the window like crystals. Jack steadies himself for a moment, before hitting the window with the back of his elbow. 

 

He targets near the edge of the mirror, aiming before trying again. Jack yells in pain, feeling the blood running down his arm. He tries it again the third time, he breathes a sigh of satisfaction, seeing the window smash into tiny shards. He feels the cold rain pelt him in the rain, the winter wind making the hair on his skin stand up. 

 

_ 13 minutes _

 

Jack reaches from the outside, finding the grip of the door handle. He opens the door, the strongs winds making the it swing back and forth. He steps outside, feeling the wind push against him. He felt tears prick his eyes, his legs were burning with each step he takes. He limps, the wind picking up his tears. 

 

“Mark.” He cried out, but his words were carried away by the howling, wet wind. He opens the door on Mark’s side, heart heavy as he looked at him, life-less. Dead. Jack shakes his head, arms blocking the strong winds.

 

_ 12 minutes _

 

“You’re not dead — you’re not dead. You’re okay — you’re okay .”  He keeps repeating to himself over and over again, hoping it would fill him with hope. Jack hauls Mark on his legs, putting his arm around him. He bites down a whimper, feeling his legs burn. 

 

“We’re going to be okay, we’re going to be okay.” Jack suddenly coughed out blood, the taste of metal hung in his mouth. He took a step forward, the water beginning to seep in.

 

“Someone!” He yelled out in the darkness.”Someone help us! Please!” He yelled again, but only the rain, thunder and the darkness replied. He was shivering, Jack took shaky breaths, he began to take small steps.

 

“Somebody!” Jack blinked away the tears, the bracelet made of red string gave him comfort.”Please.” His voice was shaky, he took a step again, the water that flooded the streets rippled with each step he took. Jack kept a steady hold of Mark.

 

_ 11 minutes _

 

_ “Hey, Whatever you do Jack.” Mark looked at him, his school bag hanging loosely from his hands. _

 

_ “Never give up, okay? I’ll be there with you.” He gave him a small smile. _

 

“Mark, please wake up—Somebody! Somebody help!” He couldn’t tell if it was tears or rain that fell from his cheeks, a sob escaped his lips. He held Mark closer to him, ignoring the searing pain in his legs. He hung to him like a lifeboat in the middle of the street.

 

Jack looked at Mark’s fingers, he could see the bracelet, made of red string. 

 

He still has it…

 

Jack felt his heart twist and break, Mark still has his bracelet. He wore it… it’s hanging loose from his wrist. 

 

_ 10 minutes _

 

“Mark, help me. Tell me what do to, please—Somebody! Somebody help!” He looked back at Mark, he wasn’t answering. There was blood, hued with rain in his temple, his eyes was closed.

 

“Mark… I’m scared.” His voice was shaky, needy, longing for comfort and stability. Jack shook his head, sobbing. He looked back out into the storm, rain, thunder, darkness, water. That’s all there was, he couldn’t even see the car anymore. 

 

“Somebody! Somebody help!” He tried again, but his words were drowned away.

 

_ 9 minutes  _

 

Jack was beginning to slow down, he kept coughing out blood, sobbing and shivering. He kept a steady hold on Mark, but he can’t look at him, he can’t bare with the simple fact that’s it’s his fault. 

 

“Mark, please. I know you’re in there.” He watched as the water around him rippled with each movement, he felt his legs shake. 

 

“Mark, open your eyes for me. Please.” Jack’s eyes were filled with sorrow, this was all a dream. Every blink he took he wished that this would all be a dream, that he would wake up in his lonely apartment.

 

_ 8 minutes _

 

He was gasping, each step he took was sapping the life out of him. Jack’s legs were shaking, crying out in pain. 

 

“Somebody! Somebody help us!” 

 

_ 6 minutes _

 

After two minutes of limping, Jack tumbled into the flooded streets. Jack was panting, feeling the cold, icy water wash drown him. He was on his knees, still holding onto Mark. Jack dug his face in Mark’s chest, he’s still beating, he’s alive. He kept saying it to himself.

 

He’s not dead.

 

“Mark, please.” 

 

Silence 

 

Jack broke down to a sob, holding Mark tighter. He felt the burning aching in his legs, the cold water soothing his leg. He was shaking, because of the cold, because of  _ Mark _ .

 

“Answer me.”

 

Silence.

Jack waited for another minute.

 

_ 5 minutes _

 

“Please, answer me.” 

 

Silence, he let the sounds of the storm and his heart breaking sobs fill the silence. 

 

“Mark… please…”

 

Jack waited to another minute.

 

_ 4 minutes _

 

Jack felt his insides churn, every part of his body was aching, he closed his eyes, holding Mark near him, he heard every heartbeat, it was slow, warm. Reminding him of everything they shared with each other.

 

“Please… answer me.”

 

Jack waited for another minute.

 

_ 3 minutes _

 

Jack was coughing more severely now, he fears coughing up bloody flowers, watching it get taken away by the water. The taste of metal was getting stronger now. Jack was still there, kneeled and holding Mark near him. He watched as the blood intertwined with the icy water ps beneath his fingers. 

 

“Mark, tell me that you’re not dead. Tell me that you’re alive.” Jack pleaded, eyes full of tears, there was a hole tearing his heart open. 

 

Jack waited for another minute.

 

_ 2 minutes _

 

His vision was getting worse, it was swimming. His head was pounding with pain, he kept covering his mouth with his hand. Feeling the blood stain his skin, the flowers prickle his palm.

 

He lets go, feeling his stomach churn as he coughed out a full rose. It was bloody, twisted and broken. Jack’s eyes widened as he saw flowers beneath his wrist, it was growing on his skin, slowly making its way onto his veins. Jack was gasping for air, he looked back at Mark.

 

“Mark, please. Say something.” He was sobbing, he looked Mark in the face. He gently touched Mark’s cheeks.

 

“Tell me that you’re alive…”

 

_ 1 minute _

 

The sounds around him was getting twisted, distorted. The sounds of the storm was disjointed. He heard what sounded like sirens, they were going to be safe, but are they too late. 

 

He was shaking, body aching with pain. The icy waters weren’t helping, he was freezing. There was tears running down his face, being washed away by the icy raindrops.

 

“I-I don’t want to lose you.” He was panting, he kept squinting, trying to keep his eyes open. His head was getting dizzy, it was getting difficult to breathe. His blood was begging to run cold,

 

The flowers were taking over, the universe gave him a second chance.

 

But he failed that second chance too.

 

He felt the flowers grow in his lungs..

 

“I’m not losing you. Mark, answer me! Please!” He was sobbing in Mark’s shoulder, he heard distorted sounds of footsteps and voices.

 

“I don’t want to lose you. Because I-I.”

 

He felt the darkness slowly creep up.

 

“I love you.”

 

The last thing he heard was a heartbeat, it filled his ears. 

 

The flowers took over again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dnsksmskms tag yourself I’m Ethan getting left behind


	18. High brick walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi
> 
> I have nothing to say to myself
> 
> I am so sorry
> 
> I’ve been dealing with writers block and it’s really not fun tbh, but this is all I could manage to pump out. I’m sorry if the last two chapters feel clunky and just feel odd, but I just wanted something to get out
> 
> Kudos, feedback and comments are appreciated

Ethan bites his lip.

 

He stares blankly into the tray of food, it looks bland, unappetising. It tastes like sandpaper against his tongue. He fiddled with his spoon. Ethan sighs, if anyone caught him staring at his food they’ll tell him to eat, to get something in his system, it’s important for recovery.

 

He doesn’t feel like eating. 

 

Ethan pushes it away, burying his face into his rough hands. The sounds of shoes hitting the sterile tiles outside and the constant bustling filled his ears. He hated it, it feels too eerie, quiet. He doesn’t dare to look at his right, knowing full well there was a curtain to block his view from  _ them. _

 

_ It’s all my fault.  _ He lets the thought bury into his mind, because it’s true, he’s the one that caused this. 

 

There was other sounds that bugged him, the sounds of the quiet beeping of the heart monitor, it came from behind the curtain on his right. It filled him with dread, guilt. 

 

_ It’s all my fault _

 

The sterile atmosphere was starting to suffocate him, it was too clean, too cold. Ethan has already spent three weeks inside, he was starting to get sick of staring in the ceiling and blaming himself all day. Three weeks, it's been three weeks. He repeats it over and over again, he bites his lip, making it bleed.

 

“Ethan.” His looks at the door, it's Tyler. He weakly smiles at Ethan, then takes a step inside. His dull footsteps echoes, sounding empty. 

 

“Tyler.” He then looks behind Tyler, it’s Amy. Mark’s girlfriend, but he knows what been going on, he noticed it when he’s with Mark. He couldn’t speak up, so he plays along with his lie.

 

“Amy.” She closes the door behind her, her eyes looking down, swimming with anger and guilt. 

 

“Your lip is bleeding.” Tyler slightly tilts his head, trying to break the awkward silence. Ethan wipes it with his left arm. Ethan stares at his tray mindlessly, Tyler notices it.

 

“You need to eat something, the nurses told me you haven’t been eating properly.” Tyler takes a step forward, full of caution and worry. Amy is still standing there, her arms crossed.

The muted sounds from the outside of the room fill the silence.

 

“Do you not realise how fucking lucky you are?” Tyler raises his voice.

 

“You could have died! All of you could have died! You could be dead! Ethan do you not understand the situation you’re in?” Ethan doesn’t answer, he only looks down and sets the crinkles in his blanket.

 

“You almost killed Mark.” Amy suddenly jumps in, there was a sense of fury hidden in her voice. She looks at Ethan.

 

“It was all your fault.”

 

“Amy, you said you were going to keep your promise to not get angry, don’t tell me you took a flight to just come here and yell at Ethan.” Tyler lowers his voice. 

 

Amy points his finger at Ethan, he could feel the anger, the fury in her face. 

 

She was right, it was his fault.

 

He stays quiet, his hazel eyes hiding tears, full of secrets and emotions. He grips his blanket. 

 

“Ethan it’s not your fault.” 

 

“Well maybe if someone was fucking dumb enough to —

 

“SHUT UP!” 

 

The whole room falls into an eerie silence, Ethan draws shaky breaths out of his mouth. The sound of the heart monitor fills the air. Both of them were in shock, Tyler tries to get closer to Ethan.

 

“Ethan please calm down —”

 

“You don’t have to fucking tell me that it’s my fault. If I didn’t convince Mark to get drunk back five years ago this wouldn’t have happened. If I wasn’t so  _ jealous  _ of Jack I wouldn’t have hoped that Mark would drunkenly kiss me. If Mark didn’t kiss a random chick instead of me then Jack would still be with him.”

 

Ethan breaks into tears, breaths shaky.

 

“If I wasn’t in love with Mark this whole fucked up situation wouldn’t have happened.” Tyler’s lips turn into a frown, he reached out his hand for an attempt to comfort him, he was closing the gap between them.

 

“You don’t deserve Mark.” Amy sneered.

 

“And neither do you.” He wipes the tears from his cheek. 

 

“Don’t you dare tell me I don’t deserve him.”

 

“Jack deserves him.”

 

“ _ That _ piece of shit doesn’t deserve him.”

 

“Don’t you dare talk about him like that.”

 

“Says the one who cheated on Mark.”

 

The whole room falls stirs with silence. Tyler looks at Amy, she’s clearly in distraught, rage and fury clouding her thoughts and mind. She’s not thinking clearly. Her eyes swim with tears. 

 

“Just go.” Ethan demands, voice quiet. He can’t deal with this, not now.

 

“Ethan I—“

 

“Just go!” Out of fury Ethan throws his food tray to the wall, sending a loud smash throughout the room. Amy silently opens the door and exits the room.

 

“Ethan, are you okay?” Tyler asks, his voice was soft, gentle. He knew he was trying to help. Ethan sniffles, looking down at his hands. There was a part of him that wanted to tell him, something uniting him to. But it’s hidden beneath his layers of himself, it’s hidden away from his heart. 

 

“Just go.” He sounded empty, dull, lifeless. It made Tyler’s heart sink, he quietly walked out of the room. Leaving Ethan alone with his thoughts. It’s dangerous to leave Ethan alone with his thoughts. 

 

It was stabbing him, painful and stinging his heart. Tears poured out of his eyes like a broken tap, it lands on his hands. He sobs, but he can’t cry out loud. Ethan bites his lip, his sobs turning quiet. It broke his fragile heart, in his stormy sea of emotions. 

 

It was tearing him apart. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s been four weeks, four weeks. 

 

Ethan grips the bars tighter, his legs were shaking. Each step sapped the energy out of him. His breathing was shallow and rapid, there was sweat dripping down his forehead. 

 

“Ethan you can take a break, you’ve been going at it for a while now.” Ethan shakes his head, he takes another step forward. He grits his teeth, he can do this. 

“The doctor said your progress is phenomenal.” Ethan ignored Tyler protests, his breaths filled his ears.”They said to not go too hard on your body.” It’s not like Ethan could care, the searing pain that throbbed throughout his body distracted him from his guilt.

 

“Ethan.” Tyler raised his voice, voice filled with concern. Ethan gripped the bars tighter. He was close, it was just a few feet away from him, just a couple more steps. He gasped as he collapsed, legs giving out. His legs were in an awkward position, he gripped the bars again to stand up. 

 

“Ethan please.” Tyler begged, he heard him drop the bag and walked towards him. He held out his hand, right in front of him. Ethan looked at him, his eyes seemed to have soften. 

 

“I don’t need your help.” Ethan barked out, he ignored the searing pain as he stood up again, legs wobbling. 

 

“You don’t have to push yourself.” Tyler was blocking his way, his blood began to fill with rage. 

 

“Get out of my way.” He demanded. But Tyler didn’t move, he kept looking at him, it made his blood boil. He weakly pushed him with all his strength with his left hand, but he didn’t budge. His arm was beginning to strain, his knuckles going white. 

 

“Get out of my way!” He pushed him again, but his legs gave out again. He hit the floor with a  _ thud _ , the burning sensation in his legs was much stronger, but he didn’t care. He looked at Tyler, he was holding out the same hand as before. He felt weak, like a coward. He collapsed right in front of Tyler, sitting in the cold floor. 

 

“Move.”

 

“Ethan—“

 

“I said move!” His voice echoes throughout the empty room, there was tears stinging his eyes. The fury and rage inside him turned into a ball of guilt and shame. It was eating his heart. Tyler tried to pull him up, but Ethan kept pushing his hands away from him.

 

“Ethan let me help you.”

 

“I don’t need your help.”

 

“You need to take a break.”

 

“Tyler.” A sob broke through his lips, he looks down at the ground. Tyler fell silent, he retreated his hands. It felt awkward, standing in front of Ethan, sitting down on the ground. 

 

“I don’t fucking need your help.” Tears poured down his cheeks, Ethan curled his hands into fist.” My legs don’t work, I’m a fucking failure, I’m the one who started all this mess. And I just-” 

 

“Ethan you didn’t.” Tyler spoke softly, he looked out of the door, there was no one in the hallway. He looked at Ethan, he felt like he was comforting a child, only it’s Ethan, Ethan with a broken soul and heart. 

 

“You didn’t—“

 

“Just shut up!” Ethan sobbed, voice full of pain, he looked up at Tyler. Tears full of pain, guilt, and shame. It’s full of emotions, which took form of a tear rolling down his cheek. 

 

“Just leave.” 

 

“Let me—“

 

“Tyler are you deaf? Just go away!” Tyler bit his lip, he knew better. The sound of his shoes hitting the hard ground and the sobs that escaped Ethan’s lips filled the air. There was a sense of regret of leaving him alone, he held the door knob, waiting. He looked back at Ethan.

 

“Just go!” Tyler slowly nodded. He walked away, he could still hear him sobbing, 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s been five weeks, five weeks too long. 

 

He sat in his bed, alone with his thoughts. It’s afternoon, the busiest time of the day. He blocked out the sounds of panicked voices outside, it was probably a Mother worried about her child. No one has bothered to stop by, not like he’s complaining. The feeling of solitude was his company. 

 

He glanced towards at the three get well soon cards on his table, but one from Amy was missing. He couldn’t blame her, he really couldn’t. The monotonous sound of the heart monitor hung in the still air, but the knowledge of Jack and Mark being alive brought a spark of hope to Ethan. 

 

Ethan stares at the corner where the sunlight doesn’t seem to reach, there was a lonely vase of flowers in the corner. The water looked cloudy, the flowers were droopy and lifeless, petals were beginning to fall off. Tyler was the one who brought the vase in, but he didn’t touch it, it just stayed there in the corner. 

 

Speak of the devil. 

 

He hears the door groan, Tyler steps inside, Amy wasn’t behind him this time. He silently breathes a sigh of relief.. 

 

“Ethan.” Tyler motioned to the vase of flowers in the corner. He closes the door behind him and crossed the room with three strides. He watched him pause, staring behind the curtain. 

 

“Sorry, I can’t take care of the flowers you gave me.” He hummed. 

 

“It must be hard sharing a room with Jack and Mark.” Tyler paused, he weakly smiled. It made Ethan heart sink, he did this. Ethan’s lips twitch.

 

“Hey.” Tyler looked at Ethan with a somber expression. “It’s not your fault.”

 

If only he could tell himself that. If only he could believe that. 

 

“Yeah, I know.” He lied through his teeth, he looked down on his fingers. Ethan sighed, rolling his shoulders. The awkwardness stirred between them. 

 

“You think they’ll wake up?” Tyler asked from out of the blue, he looked at him, with a curious expression on his face. Does he think they’ll wake up? All the doctors and nurses have been avoiding the questions that he threw at them, he knew virtually nothing of their state.

 

“Yeah.” It rolled off his tongue, they’re going to wake up, they have to. Ethan feels the burden of guilt in his shoulders, it’s sinking in. They aren’t dead, they’re going to wake up, they’re alive.

 

“Hey, remember when you almost ran naked into the street because you were so drunk.” Tyler chuckled, he looked back at Jack and Mark. Ethan shook his head, he remembered that memory clear as day. 

 

“It was the first ever party we went to, we were drunk shitless.” 

 

“And then you jumped out of the roof and into the pool.”

 

“I almost broke my back, got out of the pool and started stripping because my clothes ‘needed to dry’.”

 

“Mark literally had to drag me away from everyone to stop me from stripping naked and running to the streets.”

 

Ethan bitterly laughed, the memory was funny and one of the best times he had, but now it was turning bitter. That was six years ago, six years before all of this. Tyler caught on, he looked down on the ground. Silence. The atmosphere quickly changed, the lightness and laughter vanished and left behind awkwardness and stiffness. 

 

“Ethan?” Tyler moved closer to him, he had a soft frown on his face.” You okay? It’s been a couple rough weeks lately.” 

 

_ You okay? _

 

_ No. He wanted to scream, cry, to blame himself.  _

 

_ He’s not fine.  _

 

“I’m fine.” Ethan said blankly, emptily, he chewed on his lip.” I’m good, I’m managing.” Tyler nodded. The afternoon sun finally peeks through the window, making the room lighter and more alive.

 

“Okay.” Tyler says. These five weeks have been exhausting, Ethan craves a sense of contact, a sense of comfort. But he doesn’t act on it, he shuts it out, builds large walls around it. Ethan looks at Tyler, he notices a the bags under his eyes. 

 

He’s not the only one who can’t sleep at night.

 

Tyler rubs his eyes tiredly.” I’m gonna go, I just dropped by to see how you’re doing.” There’s a string of awkwardness between them, Ethan awkwardly nods.

 

Tyler stops as he reaches the door. The sounds of quiet footsteps from the outside fills the air.

“Hang in there Ethan.” And then, Tyler leaves the room.

 

It’s strange, has he looked through his facade? The brick walls he built that’s high up? 

 

He doesn’t answer it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s been six weeks, six weeks that feels like an eternity.

 

Ethan grips the walking bars tighter, biting his teeth. He’s using every excuse he can to avoid Mark, looking at this warm eyes. 

 

_ The rapid beeping  _

 

_ It was midnight, pitch black. _

 

_ He walks outside, using the wall for support. _

 

_ Tears prick his eyes as he calls for help. _

 

He’s okay, he’s fine. He repeats it over and over again, as he takes a shaky breath. Mark woke up, he’s okay. But he can’t look at him again with the knot twisting inside him, the guilt is overwhelming.

 

He’s been getting better, he’s been improving, that’s what the doctors keep telling him. A sigh of relief escapes his cracked lips, he walked the whole way, he looks around, there’s no one here, he could stay here for a couple more hours. 

 

So he doesn’t have to see Mark.

 

The room has a calm spell, it’s cool but not cold, the morning sun is peeking through the window, sending shadows across the wall.

 

Then that spell is broken.

 

Ethan hears the door creak, cringing at the sound. The cold air rushes inside as Ethan looks to the direction of the door. His wheelchair is placed at the end of the walking bars, he starts to get ready to leave when his heart sink.

 

It’s Mark.

 

“You should be resting.” Ethan says, looking down in the ground. He can’t look at him, he can’t bare it, Ethan can’t bare at the warm chocolate eyes staring at him. He bites his lip, hearing the door close.

 

“And I’m not.” Mark says cheekily, like everything is fine has been for the last six weeks. The floorboards creak as Mark makes his way towards Ethan. He doesn’t reach for his wheelchair, he holds onto the walking bars tighter, his breathing fills his ears. He readies himself, what is Mark going to say to him. 

 

“Why are you doing here in my neck of the woods.” Ethan jokes, hoping it would lift the awkwardness between them for the last week. He still can’t face him.

 

“You know just… nothing much.” Mark hoarsely laughs. He strikes his chest as he coughs. It reminds him of his brother, Mark does treat him like his brother. A beat goes past, silence stirring between them.

 

“I just wanted to come by and ask how you’re holding up.” Ethan’s familiar with the words, he’s heard people say it to him, from ‘how you’re holding up’ to ‘are you okay’. But those words coming out of Mark’s mouth did something in his heart, it twisted and it hurts, how could he care about him after all he did. He could lie to him, put on his mask.

 

Maybe.

 

“I’m doing okay, I’m just… trying to walk again.” Ethan bitterly laughs, then he looks at Mark. He makes eye contact with him for a moment, then he looks back down at the floor. Why? Because he’s guilty. Some would say it’s not his fault, but it is, it is his fault 

 

“Nice.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

The silence that fills the gap feels like an eternity.

 

“Ethan.” Mark says.” You’ve been avoiding me lately, care to explain why?” The words pierce his heart, Ethan’s legs suddenly shake, searing with pain. Mark notices it too.

 

“Jesus Christ Ethan you need to take a break.” Mark reaches out to help him, but pushes his away. 

 

“I’m fine just let me get a second lap in—“

 

“Ethan you’re about to collapse.”

 

“Do I look like I care!?” He shouted, Ethan takes a step, but he collapses, like he did with Tyler. Tears runs down his cheeks as he reaches for his wheelchair. His hiccuping breath fills his ears, it’s overwhelming, everything is starting to be overwhelming. He watches as his built up walls come crumbling down, but he can’t do anything to built it up.

 

He manages to get on his wheelchair, he can’t breathe, he’s feeling his throat close up. He’s too over emotional, he feels too much. He buries his face into his shaky hands, tears pouring down his face.

 

Ethan takes a gulp of air.” I’m sorry, I’m sorry that I’m such a mess, I’m sorry that I almost killed both of you.” 

Ethan takes a shaky breath, while Mark looks at him, not knowing what to do, watching his best friend falls apart. Something tells him to reach out to him, but he doesn’t. 

 

“I’m sorry that I love you.” The words fills Mark’s ears, then it’s the quiet sobs flow through the air. Mark opens his mouth to speak, but he closes it. There’s a pain inside his chest, for how long since he…

 

_ Loved him… _

 

It’s all a twisted love triangle, but with fucked up events connecting it. Mark reaches out to comfort Ethan, but for the first time he doesn’t hesitate. Mark reassuringly rubs his back in circles. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Ethan says between his hiccuping breaths. Mark shakes his head, it’s not his fault, never. 

 

“Hey.” Mark softens his voice. “It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize for everything.” Memories fly by his mind, he remembers how they treated each other like brothers, from skipping school and hanging out and nearly getting caught to now… all the things he has done to him held purpose. 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“No.” Mark says, and he reaches for Ethan and grabs him in an awkward hug. He feels Ethan stiffen for a second, then relaxes. He feels him shake against his chest, he pulls him closer. 

 

“It’s okay.” Mark murmurs. 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“No.” Mark says.” It’s my fault.”

 

The door suddenly opens, the sounds from the outside flooding in. Ethan pulls away, rubbing the tears from his cheeks. Mark looks at the direction of the door, it’s Tyler…. though he looks panicked, he’s heaving.

 

“Tyler?” Mark asks, full of confusion. Tyler looks at Ethan then at Mark.

 

“It’s Jack.”

 

Those two words fill him with hope and dread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just noticed how I’m portraying Amy’s dnbdjsbsksbsndbsb I love her but like I need her to be mean for this fic I guess


	19. It’s over...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [the guitar sound that’s playing in the chapter uwu](https://youtu.be/0V13LPAN99o)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> This is the last chapter and it feels soooo weird....
> 
> Kudos, feedback and comments are appreciated <3

He hears the silent strums of a guitar.

It sounds gentle, soft. he was sure he heard this before, like the call of a memory, sweet and gentle. It echoes through out the void. There’s nothing here, not even darkness.

It’s the nothingness.

But something starts to appear.

It’s a mist, cloudy and transparent. He feels it swirl around him. 

“I love you.”

His footsteps is quiet, but it echoes indefinitely. He shivers, the air is frigid, but stale. 

Where is he?

The questions sways around his head, he keeps looking around, trying to find anything, something. In this void of the nothingness, he’s alone, cold. His memory is hazy, he remembers the three words that echoes in his mind.

“I love you.”

The strums of the guitar fills him with hope, he lets his mind wander. He could picture it, the early morning sun peeking through the blinds, the sounds vibrating throughout the room, the scent of coffee hanging in the air, there would be blankets too; lots of them.

It feels domestic, cozy, warm. Oh how he wished to feel that right now, wrapped around blankets in the early morning sun.

“Hello?” He shouts out into the void, nothing.

“I love you.”

He hates how the three words cling to him, it’s the only thing he remembers. He keeps wandering in circles, lost and afraid, looking for answers. He shudders, he’s scared, afraid. 

“Is anyone out there?” Nothing answered, he felt a knot inside his chest. 

“Somebody help me please…” Tears began to prick his eyes, it can’t end like this, it’s not the end. Then, he began to run, feeling his legs carry him away, with no destination in mind. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, feeling the tears fly away and the shallow breathing from his lungs.

Mark

The name rings in his head, it’s familiar, like he heard it before.. He grits his teeth.

“I love you.”

He tumbles forward, hitting the ground. His knees burn, he gets up. There’s tears running down his cheeks. He looks in front of him, it’s a perfect silhouette of him, standing there, still.

He takes shaky breaths, walking a few steps back. His mouth is blooming with flowers, roses, daisies, and forget-me-nots. It’s the only colour he’s seen, but it’s tainted with blood. 

Hanahaki disease

There’s a red string tied to his finger, flapping from the non-existent wind. It’s shiny, silky, he could see the tiny frayed strings.

The red string of fate 

“Who are you...” He lets the question hang in the air, tone shaky. Nothing answers, only stays there, still in the void. A beat goes past, then another one. 

“Your name is Jack.” It says, then disappears. 

Jack… that’s his name. He remembers something, tiny fragments of an event, he remembers the rain...

“I love you.”

The three words, the strums of the guitar, Mark, the void, the silhouette of him. It’s not making sense, his brain can’t figure it out, it’s all a complicated mess. The mist goes thicker, swirling around him.

“I love you.”

“Somebody please let me out!” He cried out, it’s useless as usual. The mist is circling him, the air goes colder than ever before. He began to hear voices, it echoed inside his ears.

“What’s his heartbeat?”

“150 bpm, it’s rising.”

“What’s happening to him?”

“He’s going to die…”

“No he’s not please save him.”

“I’m sorry…”

“We’ve already took out the flowers-“

“Please, save him.”

The voices didn’t help, it only gave confusion. He f to his knees, hugging himself, hands shaking. Tears fell down his cheeks, falling into the void. What’s happening to him? Everything around him feels like a faint call of home, he bites his lip.

“Mark.” The name… it doesn’t make sense. The mist around him starts to build up.

“Mark.” He shouts it out into the void, hoping to find an answer, a reply, anything. The mist began to form colour, it’s vivid, saturated. In contrast to the blackness and the nothingness of the void. 

“Jack… please.”

That voice, it’s from Mark, isn’t it? The voice sounds needy, hopeless.

“Mark, get me out.” His eyes reflected the mist, it’s glowing, growing. He closes his eyes, then opens it.

There’s a red string, right in front of him. It seems to be coming from the colourful mist. It’s frayed, tattered. The mist began to light the void, he reaches out, tears pricking his eyes. 

“Don’t leave me.”

He touches the red string, the contact sparked something inside his mind, a hidden memory. The strings of guitar began to make sense, and so did the voices. 

“Mark.” He quietly said, he smiles, closing his eyes. 

“I’m coming home.” 

He grabs onto the red string of fate, the vivid colors began to blind his eyes.

“Jack… come back to me.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He cracks his eyes, his mind hazy, drowsy. Jack feels someone touching his hand. The silent beeping stirs clarity inside his head. It’s cold, but the warm hand touching his hand brought him comfort.

“Please, come back to me.” A voice pleaded, tone shaky. They didn’t look at Jack, they only looked at the ground, their tears dropping to the floor. Jack moved his hand slightly, that’s when they suddenly tensed up. 

“Jack.” They looked at him, his ocean eyes meeting their warm, chocolate eyes, but there was something inside those eyes…  
Jack looked at his fingers, there was a red string, tied to his finger, but then the string was connected to their finger. It didn’t take long for Jack, a second glance into those eyes brought him even more clarity. 

“Mark.” He said, voice hoarse and dry. Jack could see the sparkling tears running down his face, his hair messed up, there were bags under his eyes. 

“You’re not dead, you’re alive… you’re here.” 

“Yeah…” Jack began to sat up, but he felt his lungs burn as he coughed. But then something didn’t feel right, he could breathe more easily… but the flowers…

“Mark, they took out the flowers.” His voice began to seep panic, the flowers… it’s gone… he looked backed at Mark, who was wiping his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He dropped his voice.” I didn’t want to do it…”

“But Mark it’s gone, I can’t-“

“I’m sorry…”

He looked at his hand, the red string was still there, connected to Mark’s calloused fingers. But it brought him with dread, he can’t feel love, they took it, the flowers…

“But I can try to love you again!” Jack cries out, he could feel the damp tears pouring down his face. No, he can’t give up. Jack wants that feeling again, the early morning strums of the guitar… stolen kisses… the thought alone gave him hope.

“No… Jack you can’t.”

“I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“Jack just stop please.”

“I love you- please won’t you just let me try-?” 

“It’s not going to work, and you know it.”

Then the red strings of fate began to glow an eerie red, Mark noticed it to. As flowers, blue, beautiful, pretty. It grew on the strings, as his heart began to mimic the rhythm of Mark’s. He could feel something change in the room, it’s noticeable. 

He held Mark’s hand, but then he noticed the change. On contact there was a sudden feeling of static, his heart skipped a beat. 

“I love you, okay? And I don’t give a shit about what anyone says but I love you. I don’t care about this hanahaki bullshit okay?” He looked at his hands, Jack squeezed his hand, ignoring the searing pain, his hand must be healing. Mark looked at him, in shock and in awe- he must notice it...

“This isn’t a dream? Right?” Mark dryly laughed, his humour falling flat. But Jack shook his head, he took his hand and wiped the remaining tears from his face.

“You aren’t dead, you’re alive, you’re-“

Jack interrupted him by giving him a kiss, it was soft, simple. But it held something, something special, important, there was an emotion.

“It’s not.” He grinned, he blinked the tears away. He’s fine, they’re fine. They have their happy ending, they’re going to be okay.

“But how is this possible?”

“I don’t know, but I love you.”

The moment was quickly interrupted by the doors swinging open, Jack quickly pulled away out of embarrassment. There were three people, looking irked and exhausted. Ethan wore a guilty, somber expression, but he covered it up by smiling at Jack. Amy looked sorry for whatever action she did, she looked to Mark, she looks like she wants to apologise. Tyler however was behind them, smiling at Mark and Jack. 

“We’re going to be okay.” Jack took Mark’s hand and squeezed it.

They’re going to be okay.

Maybe the universe has itself planned it all out after all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... it’s done and it feels soo weird.
> 
> Am I proud with the ending?’ No, not really. But am I happy overall, yes! 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me in this weird ride, all though this fic had a lot of problems I’m happy with it.
> 
> [ big shoutout to my beta leader](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenuineLoudBoy/pseuds/GenuineLoudBoy) Thank you so much for sticking with me.
> 
> So what now? You might me all asking. Well I have fics already up into the works! I have a dbh fic and a Jark fic that I’m currently writing and planning and I’m super excited for it.
> 
> So like thanks, follow me on tumblr  
> @blepbean. So that’s it... thanks uwu

**Author's Note:**

> Heartstrings: The combination of the red string of fate and hanahaki disease. Worse than the black death and smallpox combined.


End file.
